An Open Letter To All Of My Friends Who Take Selfies

5 May

Dear Friends Who Take Selfies,

I want you to know that I love it when you post pictures of yourself. I know selfies get a lot of bad press, but I think they’re rad. They give me a little window into your life, and you’d be amazed at how much I can get out of one little photo.

I love your pictures because I love seeing what you’re wearing – the outfits you build give me ideas about how to mix it up with my own wardrobe, and seeing you work your shit gives me courage to try clothing that I otherwise might have thought was too outlandish or revealing.

I love seeing how you do your hair and makeup. You look like a hot babe and I wish you would make YouTube tutorials explaining how you get your eyeliner just so. I want you to post pictures every time you change your hair, because seeing you cycle through all those neon colours gives me great ideas about what to do next with my own hair.

I love when you take selfies in your house. It’s neat to see where you live. When your place is cluttered, it makes me feel better about my own messy apartment. When your house is neat, it encourages me to get my shit together and do the damn dishes already. I like seeing the things you own and the art you put on your walls, because those things tells me so much about who you are and what you care about.

I love when you take selfies while on vacation. I don’t get to travel often, so your pictures allow me to live vicariously through you. The excitement on your face when you take a selfie at the Trevi Fountain or by the Arc de Triomphe is perfect and beautiful. I’ve seen a thousand pictures of the Louvre Pyramid, but the most interesting ones are the ones with you in it. If I wanted to see a picture of the Great Wall of China all on its own, I could just google the damn thing. You’re what makes those pictures special.

Mostly I love your selfies because I love seeing you feel good about yourself. I love how your face glows when you look like a million bucks and you know it. I love when you celebrate yourself. You deserve to be celebrated.

It’s easy for people to roll their eyes at selfies and make jokes about girls who just want attention, but the truth is that for lots of women – especially women of colour, trans women, disabled women and all the other women who see their existences erased in mainstream media – posting pictures of themselves is a way of challenging our culture’s narrow beauty standards.

Selfies are a way of saying, “I love myself, and I will fight anyone who tries to change that fact.”

Selfies are not a question. They’re not asking “Do you think I’m pretty?”

Selfies are a statement: “I am here.”

I see you.

I love you.

You matter.

Your selfies are inspirational. That might sound corny, but it’s true. When I see you love yourself, it helps me love myself. I suspect the same is true for lots of other people who see your pictures.

So please keep taking selfies. Please fill my Facebook and Twitter feeds with your wonderful face. Every picture you post fills me with so much joy. I love seeing you.

Obligatory selfie because what else would I add to this post?

Obligatory selfie because what else would I add to this post?

706 Responses to “An Open Letter To All Of My Friends Who Take Selfies”

  1. Lucy's avatar
    Lucy May 8, 2015 at 3:46 am #

    Agreed! The problems we face today don’t come from people not loving themselves enough. They come from people being self obsessed, selfish and shallow. Detached from the real world. Perhaps selfie addicts could use their time more constructively and do some volunteer charity work and step outside of their it’s all about me bubble.

  2. Nicky's avatar
    Nicky California May 8, 2015 at 3:48 am #

    I love it!!!

  3. Riyan's avatar
    @cizzos May 8, 2015 at 4:27 am #

    Pretty accurate! Love your open letter

  4. Shelly Johnson's avatar
    Shelly Johnson May 8, 2015 at 4:30 am #

    This is a lovely article. Thanks so much for this. I totally agree with you.

  5. kaiyang goh's avatar
    kaiyanggoh May 8, 2015 at 5:23 am #

    Great post! Society keeps telling us (both women and men) to downplay our own looks even while judging us relentlessly for them. If somebody has the confidence to post a selfie, I think it should be encouraged!

  6. Kyle's avatar
    Kyle May 8, 2015 at 6:26 am #

    Nice write up!

  7. ouiam's avatar
    ouiam May 8, 2015 at 6:32 am #

    Fantastic post! And it’s a whole new and fresh way of seeing the ” selfies”! Great!

  8. The Goddess !! !!'s avatar
    The Goddess !! !! May 8, 2015 at 6:38 am #

    Well written

  9. meechtothemax's avatar
    meechtothemax May 8, 2015 at 6:52 am #

    Reblogged this on meechtothemax and commented:
    This is an amazing outlook! 💙

  10. Ashley Simpo's avatar
    Ashley Simpo May 8, 2015 at 7:02 am #

    Love this take on selfies. While I suppose they can get to be a bit much or seem narcissistic – they are also in their most plain forms just someone acknowledging their own awesomeness. I’m pretty sure if selfies were an available option back in Mona Lisa’s day or even Marilyn Monroe’s history would be littered with vintage selfies or yore. In the very least – being loving and positive about it rocks.

  11. Great post love it 🙂

  12. laurenburke13's avatar
    laurenburke13 May 8, 2015 at 7:42 am #

    excellent post !!

  13. stuffwegothrough's avatar
    stuffwegothrough May 8, 2015 at 7:56 am #

    1. Beauty of and for self is inside and taking selfies does not reflect ones love to its face or body. It just show how self conscious you are.
    2. It also kinda kill a way to interact with someone and ask them to take your picture. Most people do like to help you capture a moment in your life which you would remember for rest of your life.
    3. The word ‘Selfie’ itself put a lot of attention to self making or showcasing person as Egocentric.
    4. Time spent on taking selfies and retaking them multiple times a day could be well spent in increasing your knowledge or self-development. society needs humans with better developed mind and heart rather than faces.

  14. Jesus Talks's avatar
    Jesus Talks May 8, 2015 at 8:16 am #

    Reblogged this on jesusxi.

  15. faisalfairuh's avatar
    faisalfairuh May 8, 2015 at 8:40 am #

    wonderful post! Loved it.

  16. faisalfairuh's avatar
    faisalfairuh May 8, 2015 at 8:40 am #

    wonderful post! Loved it.

  17. Mrig's avatar
    Mrig May 8, 2015 at 9:07 am #

    I despise selfies because that is all people know how to do on their phones. All I ever see is snapchat and instagram being used for that by attention whores to get more followers. Some of the poses are really dumb especially the face when girls make the duck lips.

    • Mrig's avatar
      Mrig May 8, 2015 at 9:14 am #

      Also I find selfies to be to egocentric. That is exactly what the author is saying as well: “look at me, I am here.” Why would you also need countless pictures of yourself? Do people need to look at their phone to look at themselves and feel like the center of attention.

  18. pearlieng's avatar
    pearlieng May 8, 2015 at 9:18 am #

    Your words are very kind and lovely, you are adorable too 🙂 keep posting! 🙂

  19. emtag2's avatar
    emtag2 May 8, 2015 at 10:02 am #

    Your selfie makes me feel all of those things you mention. Thanks 🙂

  20. ellarend's avatar
    ellarend May 8, 2015 at 10:35 am #

    I had to read an article for my English class that destroyed and criticised so much selfies, and I just felt bad, I stopped taking them. Thanks for this article, you made me change my mind again! 🙂

  21. ellarend's avatar
    ellarend May 8, 2015 at 10:40 am #

    Reblogged this on Jumbleskine and commented:
    Take a selfie when you feel pretty, when you’re proud of the makeup look and/or the outfit you wear that day, but also when you’re sad, do you know it’s scientifically proven that when you smile, even if you don’t feel like it, after a while signals are sent to the brain that actually make you happy? Smiling can literally change your emotion. So please, smile, upload a selfie on your blog or instagram, tag me if you want (@ellarend), and, of course, have a nice day 🙂

  22. tayefeh's avatar
    Sascha Tayefeh May 8, 2015 at 10:46 am #

    I totally share your oppinion. I think those who don’t understand selfies also don’t understand the nature of social media. One gets familiar with a *person* and not with a mashine. We humans are visual creatures, thus we need to *see* the gestic and mimic of other humans in oder to get familiar with them. *Thats* what selfies are all about, not narcissm.

  23. the coach jess's avatar
    Jess@Flying Feet In Faith May 8, 2015 at 10:48 am #

    I like your view on this social media trend. I’ve often felt like I take took too many run selfies lol but I just LOVE to run! And it’s who I am. 🙂 thank you for this lovely post.

  24. Alexandra (www.healthycookingjar.com )'s avatar
    Alexandra (www.healthycookingjar.com ) May 8, 2015 at 11:31 am #

    Love it! And your selfie too! 🙂

  25. nicrahul's avatar
    nicrahul May 8, 2015 at 11:41 am #

    Reblogged this on Curious eye and commented:
    Such a amazing way to look at people …. you really have a talent to see things differently…

  26. moodsnmoments's avatar
    moodsnmoments May 8, 2015 at 11:59 am #

    hahahahaha! this is so apt. acknowledgement and acceptance! thats what we want, thats what we crave! very well done! thank you for making me chuckle

    • tbyebye's avatar
      tabbyrenelle May 8, 2015 at 3:20 pm #

      Well you’re right on a basic human level Moodsnmoments… and laughter is that spontaneous thing we don’t control. So we get to be aware of that pure space. Doesn’t matter if you laugh at the author or other people or ideas or at yourself. Desires are personal that way. Nothing wrong with a bit of push and shove among the women so we keep each other in order right? And sort of with a light heartedness where we aren’t just one sided… but can handle the adversity. Well “played”.

      I got this quote from someone else but it seems to fit:

      “That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing marked cards; sometimes we win. Sometimes we lose. Don’t expect anything back. Don’t expect to be recognized for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability, or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.” (quote from Paulo Ceolho)

      I’m actually glad to have your perspective today in case that wasn’t clear. Thanks. -TRE

      • moodsnmoments's avatar
        moodsnmoments May 12, 2015 at 11:27 am #

        Dear TRE,
        It is a pleasure to hear from someone who understands the intent. Your quote and your thought say things which we oft want to hear. 🙂 thank you
        Leaving you with another thought, not mine though
        “Words can be like X-rays if you use them properly — they’ll go through anything. You read and you’re pierced.” ― Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

      • tbyebye's avatar
        tabbyrenelle May 12, 2015 at 2:49 pm #

        Hello Moodsnmoments,
        Brave New World conjures up so much.
        I knew of someone who was working on his Phd in the history of science fiction (or something to that effect) and how it has shaped our present day realities. I guess as H.G. Wells was writing of an optimistic future Huxley wanted to take a jab at him and counter-weight his projections with a dystopian satire. Seems the dystopian took far more hold of our collective imaginations!
        I like your Huxley quote choice out of context of all that though, as it mildly reflects the similarity of writers sentiment that Mark Twain held (and this is not a direct quote, my apologies) when he said: “the difference between the right word and the wrong one is like the difference between lightning and the lightning-bug.”
        (again this is me paraphrasing Twain.)
        The mention of X-rays, reminded me also of someone who just told me she felt like she could “see through everything” now because she’d learned too much, but it wasn’t like having a super-hero power. There wasn’t anything she could do with it! She was only more awake!
        Ah well. My best wishes to you. Thank you for the dialogue. Pleasure to speak with you as well.

      • moodsnmoments's avatar
        moodsnmoments May 15, 2015 at 4:48 am #

        Thanks tabbyrenelle. You should knwo that its been a warm feeling, full of smiles, conversing with you. Good luck!

  27. Bonolo's avatar
    milady2b May 8, 2015 at 12:47 pm #

    Reblogged this on milady2b and commented:
    Story of your life >= selfie pic.

  28. katmphotography's avatar
    katmphotography May 8, 2015 at 1:14 pm #

    hehehe… i really enjoyed this, as i am ‘guilty as charged’ of posting selfies… not obsessively so, however. i am a photographer and i often try out new ideas and effects/apps on myself first, until get to grips with it.
    i really enjoyed your article. i found it cute and quirky and it tickled my sense of humour. thanks for sharing x

  29. The Wasted Wanderer's avatar
    Ed. E. May 8, 2015 at 1:15 pm #

    I’ve observed that there’s a certain number of selfies from one person that I can tolerate seeing on my News Feed, before I decide to either 1) set it so that I see fewer updates from that person, or 2) unfollow that person completely. 😀

  30. wishiwascooler's avatar
    wishiwascooler May 8, 2015 at 1:19 pm #

    Reblogged this on wishiwascooler.

  31. Mari's avatar
    neanicm May 8, 2015 at 2:38 pm #

    This is such a mood-boosting article!!! “When I see you love yourself, it helps me love myself” wow thanks for this this just uplifted my selfie spirits haha xx

  32. rayloves's avatar
    rayloves May 8, 2015 at 2:51 pm #

    Reblogged this on girlsofthistime and commented:
    I love this 😀

  33. Mackenzie's avatar
    Mackenzie May 8, 2015 at 3:21 pm #

    Honestly could not love this more, you took the words right out of my mouth!

  34. Elite Beauty's avatar
    Elite Beauty May 8, 2015 at 3:32 pm #

    Damn

  35. Ali Rankouhi's avatar
    Ali Rankouhi May 8, 2015 at 4:17 pm #

    nice

  36. matthewsmaria's avatar
    Maria Matthews May 8, 2015 at 4:43 pm #

    I agree with julietjeske and wonder what happens next . I worry when selfie pictures are more inspirational than people actually walking outside without a phone and engaging in conversation or getting involved with each other. At the end of the day a phone is another thing, a gadget which can be replaced.

  37. Before My Big Break's avatar
    beforemybigbreak May 8, 2015 at 5:15 pm #

    I think the same! Haters haw selfies and I’ve always wondered why. Thanks for writing this so well.

  38. taiwopeter's avatar
    taiwopeter May 8, 2015 at 5:17 pm #

    Reblogged this on ne242 news.

  39. LibertyDee's avatar
    LibertyDee May 8, 2015 at 5:43 pm #

    Wow! Beautifully said. I too am pro selfie. I can’t wait to share all my selfies with my grandkids so they can see what I looked like, who I was with, where I was. You are awesome.

  40. blairzhao's avatar
    blairzhao May 8, 2015 at 6:12 pm #

    follow me!

  41. blairzhao's avatar
    blairzhao May 8, 2015 at 6:12 pm #

    follow me!!!!!!

  42. jdro1256's avatar
    jdro1256 May 8, 2015 at 6:22 pm #

    i dont take them but people i know do

  43. heidimwalters's avatar
    heidimwalters May 8, 2015 at 6:47 pm #

    Great post! I’ve been thinking about this, and I feel the same way!

  44. Cool Kid's avatar
    Cool Kid May 8, 2015 at 7:02 pm #

    💟 TOTALLY love your blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  45. jolo-patt's avatar
    jolo-patt May 8, 2015 at 7:11 pm #

    Love this. Life is too short to worry about what other small minded people think. My friend are all beautiful and love when the do amazing things….like take a selfie. -J.

  46. Ray Darrall's avatar
    Ray Darrall May 8, 2015 at 7:15 pm #

    I read this expecting some sort of negative backlash to follow. Instead I was pleasantly pleased to find it was a positive piece.

  47. akkiuday's avatar
    akkiuday May 8, 2015 at 7:36 pm #

    A day wouldnt pass without a selfie!

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