Dear Friends Who Take Selfies,
I want you to know that I love it when you post pictures of yourself. I know selfies get a lot of bad press, but I think they’re rad. They give me a little window into your life, and you’d be amazed at how much I can get out of one little photo.
I love your pictures because I love seeing what you’re wearing – the outfits you build give me ideas about how to mix it up with my own wardrobe, and seeing you work your shit gives me courage to try clothing that I otherwise might have thought was too outlandish or revealing.
I love seeing how you do your hair and makeup. You look like a hot babe and I wish you would make YouTube tutorials explaining how you get your eyeliner just so. I want you to post pictures every time you change your hair, because seeing you cycle through all those neon colours gives me great ideas about what to do next with my own hair.
I love when you take selfies in your house. It’s neat to see where you live. When your place is cluttered, it makes me feel better about my own messy apartment. When your house is neat, it encourages me to get my shit together and do the damn dishes already. I like seeing the things you own and the art you put on your walls, because those things tells me so much about who you are and what you care about.
I love when you take selfies while on vacation. I don’t get to travel often, so your pictures allow me to live vicariously through you. The excitement on your face when you take a selfie at the Trevi Fountain or by the Arc de Triomphe is perfect and beautiful. I’ve seen a thousand pictures of the Louvre Pyramid, but the most interesting ones are the ones with you in it. If I wanted to see a picture of the Great Wall of China all on its own, I could just google the damn thing. You’re what makes those pictures special.
Mostly I love your selfies because I love seeing you feel good about yourself. I love how your face glows when you look like a million bucks and you know it. I love when you celebrate yourself. You deserve to be celebrated.
It’s easy for people to roll their eyes at selfies and make jokes about girls who just want attention, but the truth is that for lots of women – especially women of colour, trans women, disabled women and all the other women who see their existences erased in mainstream media – posting pictures of themselves is a way of challenging our culture’s narrow beauty standards.
Selfies are a way of saying, “I love myself, and I will fight anyone who tries to change that fact.”
Selfies are not a question. They’re not asking “Do you think I’m pretty?”
Selfies are a statement: “I am here.”
I see you.
I love you.
You matter.
Your selfies are inspirational. That might sound corny, but it’s true. When I see you love yourself, it helps me love myself. I suspect the same is true for lots of other people who see your pictures.
So please keep taking selfies. Please fill my Facebook and Twitter feeds with your wonderful face. Every picture you post fills me with so much joy. I love seeing you.
Obligatory selfie because what else would I add to this post?
The Belle Jar 
This was great! Honestly though, I thought it was a satire at first! It would have been hilarious that way too! Either way, love it!
Reblogged this on The Afro Scribbler and commented:
This made laugh and nod several times. The little things we love about our friends’ selfies but are shy of admitting. Read, Enjoy and Nod just as I did.
I like this post because it wasn’t what I was expecting. So, good job!
http://incidentalnaturalist.com/
You really damn amazing! I love selfies too! 😉 One of the best and beautiful post I’ve ever read
I personally feel like I don’t take enough selfie’s, probably because I don’t feel that much changes. Then again, I do videos randomly, so it’s a little different for me.
Love your post.:)
LOVE THIS!!! I hate selfies get a bad rap… life needs to be documented!
Reblogged this on aniimae's Blog and commented:
This post was so beautiful to read. It was inspiring and revitalizing. There are so many people who are ready to be negative the moment they wake up.. It is refreshing to know that the world still has beautiful people like this!
I choose to share this so the world can see the beauty in this as well as the beauty in others
Xoxo, GamerGrrlxo
Beautiful people.. Ooo woooooooah
Express yourself.. However you so choose to. With the freedom and respect you deserve.
Reblogged this on Halfway There!.
Yes i love myself n i love taking selfies n groupies tooo….i dnt knw bt it jst majes me feel happy abt the way i m☺️☺️
Reblogged this on theoctober20.
How did you get this eyeliner just so?
Aa đù
selfies are like a windows to our lifess………..
yeah!!! Selfies are nice 🙂
Reblogged this on qvtv.
Reblogged this on twistermania.
I agree with the essence of your post, and I’m going to sound old when saying this, but what was wrong with photos and portraits again!? In a selfie, I don’t only see your lovely faces, but rather I see your armpit in the forefront, and not much else as the photo is generally taken with the front camera of a mobile phone (i.e. with a lense of about 0.9mm of diameter) or worse, with an iPad.
So I agree to more photos and portraits of people in real life, let’s make them amazing and post them up on social media where, as you rightly highlighted, there’s a lot less “social filter” than on classic media. But let’s put a little effort into lighting, aperture, composition & other photo basics…
Count me in! I enjoy them too and think the haters have simply nothing better to do. Selfies get a bad rap and I, for one, think it’s undeserved. Methinks they’re FUN!!
Reblogged this on A Sawyer's Daughter and commented:
Love this!!
I am a male, and I also absolutely love taking selfies, and sending them to my friends. Let take a moment to appreciate snapchat. This letter is spot on.
You go girl
Reblogged this on Lolita's Voice and commented:
Great!!!
I don’t dislike selfies. But … I just don’t understand folks who post selfies constantly to the point that their Instagram, FB, Twitter timelines have nothing else.
As everything selfies are not bad in itself, it’s just that many dumb people are into selfies and so they’re considered stupid.
Reblogged this on The Purple Issue.
I love to see selfies of my friends, even of strangers. Even face ducking. It’s like telling me I care about you and you’re important to me. First time I read about someone pro selfies. It was a good article.
Fabulous post!
Reblogged this on SACRATOMATOVILLE POST.
Reblogged this on Erin Kennedy Yoga.
I can say it all matters what we personally believe..selfies can be a memory.,they can be your achievement., anything.!
Thankyou for your reasons.!
Lovely! Love it. Be happy… Be free!
I love this post. I say this to all my selfie-posting friends every day. They’re all beautiful and their knowing that should always be met with applause!
👍 agreed
Wow! What an eye opener! I’m someone who enjoys capturing the moments I’m at my most confident and happy but have never been brave enough to dare post a selfie. It is something which gets such bad press. I love the way you’ve brushed all that aside and shown the positive influence the selfie can be! Thank you for this brilliant article!
This post have me the warm figures. Thank you for writing this.
Reblogged this on jimmy who lives in the weeds.
I find this to be insanely beautiful and such a purposeful post. Many can see selfies as a way to express themselves and many who take selfies are of low self-esteem looking for additional attention.. Well power to you whether you are righteously self-confident or one with low self-esteem, because no matter the type of selfie you post, you had the confidence to do so. I for one am victim of posting too many photos of my daughter, most with an attempt to include me but often times she moves too fast for me to hold a graceful pose upon my face for the world to see.
So here’s to the attempt to take imperfectly perfect selfies!
Cheers!
Lovely! What a refreshing read 😊
Reblogged this on Deszy_Diamond Blogs.
Im proud of you. You wrote an entire post without bashing men.
Your a fucking RAPE TROLL Wilson what the fuck are you doing here?
I think he must be related or cut from the same cloth as the fine specimen of manly-men, as the troll who sent two ridiculous comments my way yesterday, Tabby.
“No one is attracted to you – not even men your age..they find these women that you’re posting, attractive. It must be horrible, how do you even sleep at night? Your self worth must be COMPLETELY GONE(& it realllllllly shows) …I guess mine would be too if I looked like you.”
— Derek, the brave keyboard warrior in Hamilton, Ontario. A dude too chickenshit to even provide his real email address.
E-mail: youresobitter@bitteroldbitch.com
How will I EVER recover from these alleged insults?? Whatever shall I do now that Derek has shared his true feelings for me?!?
Wow Darth Kater! Derek and Wilson sound like if they aren’t already in bed together, they are indeed ready for a hyper-masculine bro-mance. Gross.
Well, I’m glad you are not rattled by the trolls and can shrug at them in their misogynistic cages. You shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of violence. You deserve respect.
I like your powerful voice. You have guts. I appreciate that you took the time to tell me the story. Makes me feel support and supportive both and also I can see some of your “jujitsu” skills. I do admire your handling of the predator-morons.
I suspect that Derek is the type of guy who spends an awful lot of time perusing images of women via Instagram. You know: the (often illiterate) guys who post lecherous, mutually ego-fuelling comments, such as “Damn, baby! You is SO hot!” or “Got wood now.”?
Ironically, the images that such dudes lust over are typically … heavily filtered, edited images, often posted by women who have posted their images to receive validation or approval.
Dudes like that often peruse Tinder, too. Bleech!👎🏻
In another comment, sent about fifteen minutes before the previously mentioned one (I’ve deleted it, permanently): he’d indicated that he’d been “looking at a picture of a pretty girl on Instagram”, and saw some remarks about me/a controversial, commendable blog post. He went to my (private) IG account, which led him to my blog—where he attempted to submit his ridiculous comments. Clearly, he had too much time on his hands last night. That is, when one of his hands wasn’t jerking off his cock, whilst oggling “pretty girls” online.
Derek decided that I am a “washed up makeup artist”, who “obviously has issues” (requiring psychological help), and decided that I was lying about my professional experience/expertise/position. Oh, and he called me “grandma”, too. The comment was so ridiculous, chest-thumping, and filled with spelling mistakes, that it made me chuckle before I deleted it.
I know that I am not aesthetically unattractive. I am not insecure about being 40, nor look my age. I have worked really hard over the years, and love what I do. I’ve paid my dues, struggling at times, endured poverty, humiliation, professional betrayal, corporate negligence, and finally ended up with something awesome, amalgamating my expertise and experience. I do not have a degree. I dropped out of high school (severely bullied). I didn’t complete my G.E.D. My hard work and talent led me to a position which I love and am proud of.
I have been on medical leave since December, and am still healing from a C-Difficile infection. I will likely return to work in a couple of months. My boss asked me to possibly work on a contract basis, via home, part-time, but my focus is my health right now.
Dudes like Derek: mean nothing to me, because I know (and have dated) their type … when I was younger, naïve, sought approval over my own self-respect, and was stupid enough to have lower standards, thinking that guys like that were okay. (They’re not okay, in many regards.) Some mature, but a lot of them—especially if they’ve been serial daters, remaining single—turn into wrinkled, paunchy Peter Pans, with unfortunate hairlines, huge insecurities (often masked by egos or substance abuse issues/addictions), impotency reliant on little blue pills, and chasing after younger women. Young women: who learn lessons from dudes like them. Women their own age or slightly younger: don’t want anything to do with such guys, and the guys are intimidated by women who won’t put up with their shit.
Oh, I hear you now. You were coming from a place of protection for girls and women and less of a judgmental one when you were talking about selfies and make-up (in your original comment I took to task) and that makes sense… I do that too… and sometimes get misunderstood or distorted entirely too… so okay… good to get to this place.
I don’t participate in instagram, twitter, facebook, or any of that… I’m a low-tech garage band kind of soul probably by nature but certainly now by choice… and this blogging thing is fairly new for me. I have a friend who posted pictures of herself (just head shots) and she later found her name on a Russian porn site when she googled herself.. the picture was missing, but her name was there! So I have artists that draw and paint me and my band… so we can kinda be present but not feel as vulnerable.
Not to freak out all the selfie people here. Apologies. Truly. We shouldn’t allow the trolls to take over the internet or harass women out of the spaces.
Your health is important, so definitely seek nurturing and positive things for you. I am sorry if anything I wrote increased your stress or made you feel misrepresented or further assaulted. In my own protectiveness I was hypocritical. I’m pretty self-aware about this/these aspects of myself, so I always think I’m going to get away with my communication “style” choices, but not so! Real meaningful dialogue takes time.
I think some important issues have come up despite our beginning and hopefully it’s all good.
Credentials and certificates are not what define a person. You are obviously a phenomenal woman. I’m honored to meet you, Darth Kater.
Rape troll?? Lol seriously get help before you hurt yourself or more importantly someone else. Goddam lunatics.
I’m not hurting wilson, you are. You’re the self described old frat boy. And every woman who gets to hear your shit on her blog knows this about you. So take a flying leap.
Lol what? Jesus do you psychos keep track of people who post on blogs? Your life must be full of fun.
I have kept most of your comments, yes Wilson. So that if I need to prove what you do to transgress against women I have the evidence.
Why would we not keep track of the man who goes after rape survivors, domestic violence survivors, women’s beauty-body image and self-esteem, or mental health after being traumatized? When on purpose you show up on women’s blogs to express misogyny… and when you have no intention of supporting them, you would like us to believe we are psychos?
You LOL at rape and feign forgetfulness you’ve treated women online like this because they are only objects to you and you want us to believe we are psychos?
Well Wilson… no one is buying your shocked amusement. You can’t spin this one. You’re simply a piece of shit. Have a nice shitty life because you reap what you sow laughing boy. Have a good time not loving yourself.
Lmao you really save my comments? And who is this “we”? Like, your other personalities or is there a super secret organization of lunatic, narcissistic female bloggers who feel they need to patrol the blogosphere like some sort of crazy vagina SS? Either way keep talking this is awesome.
I realize you want my vagina, Wilson. You can stop telling everyone about your feelings of rejection now.
Ok no joke seriously you have at the least some serious reading comprehension problems or at worst some narcissistic issues. But i am going to reblog that you keep my posts most of which are made while im drunk so i thank you for that.
I know… you’re always drunk. And drunks are dangerous frat rape-culture people.
Who cares if you expose yourself as a rapist while calling me psycho? You’re insane, Wilson.
The “thank you” is absurd. Women want you to leave them alone. You think this is funny. Drunk isn’t a casual “pass” and you know that.
Anyhow, I have work to do. GO AWAY.
I have to laugh at your libelous idiocy. Nowhere ever have I committed nor condoned much less excused rape. You are a seriously disturbed person and I really hope you dont do anything that involves public health for a living.
Here’s a link to the BELLE JAR blog you are currently trolling, Wilson and you say you don not condone rape but that’s enough. You do mean to emotionally harm rape victims and their families and with the many comments from different people on this particular article you can hear all say to go away and that it’s you that has the problem. Go ahead… deny what you did to this person and her mother that this author was trying to represent in a compassionate manner… and that you poked and prodded and made excuses to for your un excusable behavior. I realize you want a dialogue with Tabitha. She’s not going to talk to you. She went to work and she doesn’t think your brain is normal. You are not reasonable. Intoxication is animal-response and not intellectual. You’ve cut off your empathy entirely by hiding in the booze.
Wtf?? Lol you really do have a brownshirt group. Jesus i was kidding. I post like once a month just fucking ignore or block me. Unbelievable.
NO YOU are not KIDDING. Your jokes are unwelcome and harmful. Just because you want me to take your misogynistic jokes and behavior as casual and light hearted does not mean you are not being VIOLENT towards me. You are not being funny and rape isn’t funny. In no way have you ever supported people on blogs. You attacked a black woman for her body image when you wanted to pit her against white women. You ridiculed a woman expressing what it was like for her mother’s generation in relation to staying in domestic violence and blamed the mom for being an idiot. You pretend you don’t remember the women you offend on line and you always act like, “really?” after calling us all SS psychos.
You’re the one with an agenda and your silly “militant” finger pointing names for us as if we are in a generic war against you is your highly paranoid and NOT very imaginative mind.
You’re old and set in your serial rape-culture mindset. You’re not someone I’m trying to convince. What this is, is showing your defense mechanisms and your delight in continuing the abuse no matter what people tell you about yourself in relation to them. I hope you actually haven’t raped someone, Wilson. You probably did but told her she was lying or failed to recognize your hyper-masculinity.
What you are willing to do is mind fuck people. You are willing to try and take away the sense of wellbeing that women and men deserve. You are willing to break the potential unity. You are afraid to learn and grow. I’m sorry for you. You’re missing out on a beautiful life.
The whole “I don’t care, go ahead and block me if you don’t like it” thing is old. You can control yourself. You don’t need to keep pushing women around and then tell them to block you. The aggression is misdirected.
If you do have any reason empathy or compassion for YOU…Turn inward and address your own problems. Stop blaming women for why you are rotten to them.
Your disbelief is actually not believable. You’re not a good actor.
Ok ill take a minute to be serious. No I have never raped a woman although you keep bringing it up like some perverse wish you have that I’d had. And you can spout all your new age bullshit but it’s still that. Bullshit. And ya know you almost got me to buy into it with the violence thing but no me saying youre full of shit isnt violence. Also i like Amy schumer so fuck off.
YOU are a rape culture frat guy. I don’t care what you say you’ve done. Your language against women is violent. You are a mind fuck. That’s emotional rape. Get it dumb ass? NO GO AWAY FOOL.
Quit replying you fragile egg. Also “emotional rape”. Dude im stealing that.
I belong here more than you do, rape troll. Poor you. Feel like your voice is being crowded out? I’m not fragile at all… I’ve withstood far worse than you. You can’t hurt me.
I’m sure Amy Schmer wouldn’t like you Wilson. And what a stupid thing to say. If you were a real friend to any woman you’d not be having this conversation. You’d say I’m sorry. You wouldn’t be defensive. You’d stop perpetuating the violence against me. You’d be aware of your effect. You’d not want that. You’d care. But instead you’re like a little kid, who can’t admit his mistakes and just blurts out fuck off and you’re full of shit. Pride, shame, may be blocking your empathy towards me and other women, but I think it’s more your sense entitlement that you seem to want to take advantage of. Anyhow, this isn’t a he said she said case. You’re a known troll. Your friends are like you are. The drinking buddy… the rape-bistander… those are your peeps.
Just out of curiosity how can i become the complete perfect man you envision?
I told you a looooong time ago I wasn’t attracted to you, so this question of my preferences, sarcastic or otherwise isn’t relevant. Stop flirting. It doesn’t make you charming. It makes you creepier.
Narcissistic personality disorder. I assure you as i did my other stalker that i have no interest in either of you. Im just curious as to how you reach your bizarre conclusions.
Okay, now I know you’re jacking off. You need to go away. It’s time. No one cares about your feelings of impotence. You can keep ranting to your mirror, but I’m not going to be flattering you.
I feel happy.
Lol youre the same person as tabbewhatever. How sad but funny.
Common Behaviors and Characteristics of Sexual Offenders
Most sexual offenders think about their crimes ahead of time. Sexual assault is rarely an impulsive act although sometimes sex offenders take advantage of opportunity to offend. Offenders most often know their victims and use these relationships to set up situations in which a chosen victim can be sexually assaulted. Sexual assaults can involve physical violence, threats, or overpower- ing. In other cases victims go along with the assaults because they are afraid to resist or to try to get away.
Planning and manipulating relationships over time to commit sexual offenses is called grooming. In these situations victims may come to believe that they are responsible for what happened even though this is never true. After the assaults, offenders often threaten, pressure or use guilt to keep victims from telling anyone.
How Offenders Justify Their Behavior
Offenders may justify their behavior in several ways:
Denial is used by offenders to avoid facing the consequences of their actions. Denial means that offenders refuse to admit to others or sometimes even to themselves that they have committed sexual assaults. They may say, “It’s a lie. I never did it,” or “That wasn’t really rape, she agreed to it.”
Rationalizing involves blaming the victim, other people or circumstances. Typical thoughts are, “It wasn’t my fault, she led me on”, “he didn’t fight back” or “I didn’t know what I was doing, I had too much alcohol…” These are ways of placing responsibility on someone or something else.
Minimizing is used by offenders to deny the seriousness of the acts or the harm done to the victims. “It wasn’t that bad – he liked it,” or “I didn’t really hurt her.” By minimizing their actions, offenders try to make it seem as though what they did was not such a big deal.
Common Conditions Which Contribute to Sexual Offending
Several conditions can contribute to the likelihood of sexual offending. Typically a case involves a combination of factors and circumstances. It is important to understand that sex offenders always make a choice when they commit sexual offenses no matter what the reasons are that go into why they did it. They decide to act even though they know it is wrong. Nothing a victim does can make a person commit a sexual offense.
Feeling Motivated –Offenders often have abnormal or unusual sexual interests. They may be sexually attracted to children or young teenagers. It does not bother them to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to.
Antisocial Attitudes – Some offenders believe it is acceptable to take advantage of other people or break the law. They may not understand or care about the feelings of others and put what they want first.
Background of Offender – Some people who have been abused, mistreated or neglected develop negative feelings and beliefs about themselves and others. They may try to gain control over their lives or relieve emotional pain through abusive sexual behavior towards others.
Lack of External Controls –Offenders create situations that give them the opportunity to offend and where there is little chance of being caught. In the case of child molesters, they may put themselves in situations where they are alone with and have control over children. Rapists will often get victims away from friends or in isolated situations.
Vulnerable Victims – Although the responsibility for sexual offending is always with offenders, rapists and child molesters may look for vulnerable people to victimize. Victims can be vulnerable because they are young, have a disability or are impaired in some way. People can be victimized because they are alone in an isolated area, asleep, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or suffering from emotional problems. Offenders want victims who cannot protect themselves.
Wow, a whole entire reblog. You’re a mighty big fella bullying all the women you meet. You do know they have programs for alcoholism once you admit the problem? Get help, buddy.
How in the hell is that in anyway “bullying” Jesus do people even think for themselves anymore or just emotionally flatulate.
Wilson is pretending he doesn’t know what a bully is, Dave… and he didn’t ask me if he could reblog my post, but instead felt entitled. He doesn’t have any confidence in the bloggers he trolls, he’s just here for his own agenda. No one has to agree with my work, but I hope he realizes the intellectual copyright property laws. It’s one thing to link to my work, but to reblog with no permission after he understands I find him violent against women, isn’t right. I’m not following his blog or reading his work. I only go after him when he abuses women on there sites and I let them know what he’s done. He accuses me and others of stalking him after intentionally abusing us on our sites and then he proceeds to follow me. And although I told him he only gets the one page about him to comment on (and just for that limited time period which has lapsed) , he seems to need my attention as he tries to comment on my other posts with his “smooches” “kisses” and LOL stuff. He literally writes “kisses” to me and then says to you that you can’t think for yourself and asks how is it bullying!
Anyhow I hope he soon realizes I moderate my comments and he’s not getting room or voice on my blog again. It’s mostly because doesn’t think for himself as he perpetuates stereotypical hyper-masculine conditioned responses to females. That means he’s a bully as you and I both know. Thanks for being a man willing to tell Wilson he’s in need of the help and for not being a rape-culture bi-stander.
AND… As the belle jar writer celebrates mothers day and ignores or condones rape-trolls on her blog, I hope she raises her son to be a better feminist than she is. ‘Cuz dang if it’s just about selfies and no compassionate content, fuck it.
You see Chrissy Dean like buttoning everyone? I mean me and Wilson? Get a grip girl. We don’t need to mingle.
Good Morning Tabby. I see you’ve found Wilson’s “reply” to me. I’m not going to give him my time because ONLY a bully asks “how is that “bullying” after being told countless times how he has bullied, and still disregards everyone’s feelings.
Peace Tabby and keep being you, sister! 🙂
Darth kater. No that was not me nor anyone i know. Im sure you are a lovely person and unlike others i would not make assumptions about someone i dont know.
Reblogged this on Just an Ottawa Thing and commented:
THIS.
I have a facebook friend that she is always posting pics of her and the hubby. She does some of my favorite postings on fb. Always of them wherever and always in the cutest way. (not all selfies are cool like hers)
Reblogged this on mjdelgado15.
What a great positive post full of love to start off my Friday morning 🙂 I totally agree with everything you said. Thank you for sharing it with us!
Reblogged this on Little Blessed Mess ❤.