Dear Friends Who Take Selfies,
I want you to know that I love it when you post pictures of yourself. I know selfies get a lot of bad press, but I think they’re rad. They give me a little window into your life, and you’d be amazed at how much I can get out of one little photo.
I love your pictures because I love seeing what you’re wearing – the outfits you build give me ideas about how to mix it up with my own wardrobe, and seeing you work your shit gives me courage to try clothing that I otherwise might have thought was too outlandish or revealing.
I love seeing how you do your hair and makeup. You look like a hot babe and I wish you would make YouTube tutorials explaining how you get your eyeliner just so. I want you to post pictures every time you change your hair, because seeing you cycle through all those neon colours gives me great ideas about what to do next with my own hair.
I love when you take selfies in your house. It’s neat to see where you live. When your place is cluttered, it makes me feel better about my own messy apartment. When your house is neat, it encourages me to get my shit together and do the damn dishes already. I like seeing the things you own and the art you put on your walls, because those things tells me so much about who you are and what you care about.
I love when you take selfies while on vacation. I don’t get to travel often, so your pictures allow me to live vicariously through you. The excitement on your face when you take a selfie at the Trevi Fountain or by the Arc de Triomphe is perfect and beautiful. I’ve seen a thousand pictures of the Louvre Pyramid, but the most interesting ones are the ones with you in it. If I wanted to see a picture of the Great Wall of China all on its own, I could just google the damn thing. You’re what makes those pictures special.
Mostly I love your selfies because I love seeing you feel good about yourself. I love how your face glows when you look like a million bucks and you know it. I love when you celebrate yourself. You deserve to be celebrated.
It’s easy for people to roll their eyes at selfies and make jokes about girls who just want attention, but the truth is that for lots of women – especially women of colour, trans women, disabled women and all the other women who see their existences erased in mainstream media – posting pictures of themselves is a way of challenging our culture’s narrow beauty standards.
Selfies are a way of saying, “I love myself, and I will fight anyone who tries to change that fact.”
Selfies are not a question. They’re not asking “Do you think I’m pretty?”
Selfies are a statement: “I am here.”
I see you.
I love you.
You matter.
Your selfies are inspirational. That might sound corny, but it’s true. When I see you love yourself, it helps me love myself. I suspect the same is true for lots of other people who see your pictures.
So please keep taking selfies. Please fill my Facebook and Twitter feeds with your wonderful face. Every picture you post fills me with so much joy. I love seeing you.
Obligatory selfie because what else would I add to this post?
The Belle Jar 
yes, I love selfies too, and I love that you articulate the reasons so well. Here’s to loving ourselves 🙂
Sadly for some, a constant need for validation is a sign of extremely low self-esteem, not a healthy ego. Straight white men also engage in the same type of behavior, so it really has nothing to do with gender, race or orientation. Narcissism is an equal opportunity personality disorder. Of course not every selfie maker is a narcissist or has self-esteem problems, but to act as if this strange habit is somehow a feminist act is a bit of a stretch. Selfies can be harmless fun, or they can be a sign of a serious psychological problem. I think we all know people who take this too far. And why make yourself the center of every photo? The world is so much more than our own egos.
Agreed
Amen!
I agree.
Thank you.
thank you! somebody had to say it in response to this terrible opined article.
“I love when you take selfies in your house. It’s neat to see where you live. When your place is cluttered, it makes me feel better about my own messy apartment. ” … I can’t see your house, because I can’t see behind your head…. this is the entire problem with the selfie phenomenon– I want to see people’s lives, I want to see behind their heads, I want to see all that clutter in its cluttered glory. I want your amazing observations of everyday life. But I get you, and your face blocking something truly interesting… again.
I believe there’s an extra charge for that…
But just because an extreme of something is disordered doesn’t mean the average, everyday action is bad.
And nowhere does the author suggest making yourself the center of *every* photo.
But … by definition, a selfie makes the person the center of the photo.
Sure but the author doesn’t really make a difference here and she makes the crazy link to feminism. The worst offender I know is a straight white man.
In the article, the blogger stated, “Taking a selfie is not asking a question. Like ‘do you think I’m pretty?'”
I also believe it’s a confidence boost and it helps other see the happy face of a person enjoying their life!
You don’t have friends who do nothing but take selfies. I’ve seen people literally post nothing but photos of themselves all day long. Some people take it way too far and it has absolutely nothing to do with feminism. I have one friend who I know is incredibly insecure. He’s also a former model and drop dead gorgeous. His entire Instagram feed is selfie after selfie. He needs the accolades and constant reassurance. It’s sad and nothing to celebrate
I have to agree with you totally.
Agreed.
Spot on. Selfies are a way of imposing some kind of superiosity. Constantly reminding others that people should bow down to them. I’m like bitch get out of my face. No one wants to see that massive forehead or that fake smile.
I think they can be harmless but then there are people who take t too far. The person I know who is the worst at them is a straight white guy and former model. He’s cute but it’s just annoying. He does it to get compliments and he’s one of the most insecure people I know, so it’s not feminist and it’s not about a healthy ego. They can be incredibly insecure and needy.
I believe you have misdiagnosed the “problem” Dr. Juliet. Since the beginning of time, humans – insecure, perched precariously upon the world and presented with an impenetrable mystery they will never understand – simply needed the comfort of another human hearing them say “Here I am.” I think the real problem is other human beings psycho-analyzing anyone and everyone but themselves…the ones who might benefit the most. The true narcissist in this picture is the critic who imagines herself capable of providing valuable insight based upon one data point: a blog post on the internet.
And the people who post selfies all day long and have nothing but photos off themselves in social media are perfectly healthy…which is why people love selfies…and those who view the world as themselves as the center of it. For someone who called me a doctor, your response was the most pretentious one yet.
Agree 100%. There is no need for a bathroom selfie everyday with ur bobs evidently pushed up. It’s like have a bit of respect for urself. Don’t get me wrong, I do post selfies, not that often and it’s usually for a reason like “just dyed myvhsir” or funny ones like “look at the state of me after a half mile jog” lol. But each to their own I suppose
Taking a photo of yourself every now and then is no big deal but I’ve seen people who literally post nothing but photos of themselves. I’m talking hundreds. That’s not healthy and I think to why so many people are turned off by them. It’s also not a feminist act as so many men do the same thing. I think what annoyed me about this article so much is that it was applauding self involved behavior and we are at epic levels of self absorption right now.
I agree. Especially when people are taking selfies during natural disasters, at funerals, etc. It’s extremely tasteless and narcissistic. Then they had to invent a selfie “stick” and now tourist sites are plagued and others’ experiences are disrupted. I agree, too, that it’s a superiority complex, unhealthy, and representative of someone with low self-esteem who constantly needs to have their existence “approved” of by an external audience. Well said
Thank you. While I am not part of one of the marginalized groups mentioned, selfies are a way for me to say ” I’m here”. Looking through photos of when my kids were young, it would be hard to prove I was there. Lots of pics of the kids and Dad, hardly any of kids with me, once they were past nursing age. I am now in my 50s, separated, my kids are teens. I am pretty much the only person who DOES take pictures of me. I’m here, living my life, being part of the world. I want proof to look back on. And I want other people to know, too.
That is awesome! I feel the same. Rock on, Chris!
My grandma asked me the other day why all her young female relatives insist on posting pictures of themselves all the time, and I tried to explain why I thought it was cool, but it wasn’t nearly as eloquent as this. Sending her this now!
Haha my Oma has asked the same thing many times. I always just look at her blankly and try to explain why selfies are great sometimes. This is a perfect explanation.
This is me, too. I look back and my only daughter has lots of pics with her Dad, seldom with me.
It’s beautiful!
No not rely
Reblogged this on The Feminist Next Door.
I love to see pictures of my friends. It warms my heart for all the reasons you stated. I just wish one thing: please ladies, don’t downplay your amazingness by prefacing a selfie with a “Don’t laugh” or an “I know I look awful but…”. Just own it. If it was really horrible, you wouldn’t have posted it. Just accept you look great and enjoy the compliments.:)
What a gorgeous post!! Love it, made me smile 🙂
Reblogged this on Corporate Skirts and commented:
Absolutely wonderful write up on ‘Selfies’ and how it’s a way of celebrating the self, specially when the self does not conform to our mainstream portrayal of beauty, brains, heart and courage 🙂
I am still not entirely convinced in favour of selfies, but you make a convincing argument. beautifully written and lovingly expressed. i hope you don’t mind me sharing this over facebook… 🙂
i loved your post!!
Yes, selfies are great. Criticizing them by calling them a symptom of self-obsession reflects a kind of insecurity too! Of course, I do have friends who bombard us with several selfies a day, but then it’s up to us to ignore them when it gets too much right?
Thank you thank you for this! Thanks for managing to eloquently say what I try to explain to people about why selfies matter!
You’re a real sweetheart.
She is! I have a few friends on my Instagram whose feed is just 100% selfies. I get bored with those. I mean, we don’t *really* need to see someone’s face up close from all different angles, do we?
But reading this…it gave me a new lens to see these selfies through. Thank you for that!
Awesome overview to hide my craziness of taking n posting selfies. Although the word selfie is not so admirable for me but yep sure love the selfconfidence and love for your own self. Loved your write up.
Thank you.
EXCELLENT post!
#agree
I don’t post many selfies because I usually ask myself why other people should be bothered about what goes on in my life, but after reading this I feel like I’ve been given new eye-glasses. Thank you.
I can’t like this enough. Thank you!
I seriously love this! I figured many people dislike selfies because they are insecure, but to me selfies are a staple of our time and something of ourselves that will stay when we’re gone. Absolutely lovely letter, and you are very pretty, by the way.
follow on instagram? @hisisgekita
*@thisisgekita
sorry
Reblogged this on lbushman and commented:
Well then. Keep on keeping on.
I was going to say something like I don’t care for selfies myself but more power to those who do. (Especially since they aren’t intrusive, in contrast to, say PSAs on the subway.)
Then I saw the picture at the bottom of the post and thought, say, that’s a nice picture. I’d love to do my hair that way — if I had hair. So maybe I do like selfies. At least, some of them. (For whatever my opinion is worth.)
A selfie is worth a thousand words. (or something like that.)
Reblogged this on LaeTheCollegeStudent.
Aww I loved this, I personally love a good selfie haha I think they’re empowering!
Love this! I joke that my Instagram “brand” is “all the things you hate: food, drinks, selfies, and kids.” But seriously, I love selfies. They’re definitely a statement, not a question. My selfies say “I think my hair looks rad today,” or “I really love this lipstick” or “I like playing with the light and shadow as they fall upon my face” or “this expression perfectly sums up how I’m feeling right now.” They also say that I and I alone decide what I present to the world, and how I feel about what I present. Viva la selfie!
Yes to all of this!
I actually wrote a similar article recently along these lines. Love your style !
#indefenseofselfies
I love the quote ‘selfies are not asking do I look pretty, they are a statement, I am here!’ Selfies show self confidence and I that should be celebrated!
Hayley-Eszti | http://www.hayleyeszti.com
What a wonderfully affirming way to think about selfies!
I love this. It’s encouraging and uplifting and I also love your photo. People tend to forget that self-portraiture is a relevant form of art, even if the equipment is different now. 🙂
Either my sarcasm meter is off or most people reading this don’t have one.
Selfies are not self validation, they are cries for other to validate you. When I see a feed with a ton of selfies, the only thing I can think is “You’re so vain…”
Precisely! It smacks of immaturity and insecurity. This author says “they are not a question, do you thing I’m pretty? ” I disagree, 90% of the time that’s precisely what they’re saying. The odd selfie when you’re doing something interesting is great, but most are not in that category. I know I’ll likely get lambasted for being negative, but selfies are the ultimate outlet for someone’s need for validation.
^agreed, vain and/or insecure
I totally agree with you. I am shocked at all the comments here loving selfies!! Selfie takers need to get over themselves and stop clogging up my feeds with constant pictures of their faces.
Pretty much
Hey Jennifer Burnham, do you listen to Carly Simon while you’re thinking “You’re so vain”? How come you’re looking at tons of selfies that you’re not interested in? ‘Cuz, lemme get this straight, you take whom you consider insecure and then you… “smack” them to invalidate them further… and you’re devoid of vanity?
Maybe your “sarcasm meter” is crying for validation, you think?
Couldn’t the same be said about your comment from an outsider’s point of view? To try to bring out the hypocrisy in others? Because no matter how much you do, it’ll always be there…
Don’t be silly E.J Cotter… I’m not pretending not to be a hypocrite. But thanks for trying, hon.
Also: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/our-gender-ourselves/201309/what-your-selfies-say-about-you
I really like this! I’m not much of a selfie person and I admit I didn’t fully understand what they were all about. You really put it so well. Now I get it!
Reblogged this on Kat Leonard and commented:
Yeah, long live the selfie! This is a great perspective on the importance of selfies by Anne Theriault! An excerpt:
[Selfies are a way of saying, “I love myself, and I will fight anyone who tries to change that fact.”
Selfies are not a question. They’re not asking “Do you think I’m pretty?”
Selfies are a statement: “I am here.”
I see you.
I love you.
You matter.
Your selfies are inspirational. That might sound corny, but it’s true. When I see you love yourself, it helps me love myself. I suspect the same is true for lots of other people who see your pictures.
So please keep taking selfies. Please fill my Facebook and Twitter feeds with your wonderful face. Every picture you post fills me with so much joy. I love seeing you.]
A note to Anne herself: Thank you for writing this. I value the selfie so much that I am doing a whole show aimed to encourage healthy body image and self esteem. I call it Myselfie! 🙂 ❤
Hey! I love your refreshingly positive stance on this! Beautiful. If you’d like to share it (or other writing) over at elephant journal, email me at renee@elephantjournal.com and we will make that happen. (I am an editor there…just dropping by because I genuinely love the post, though. No strings attached. :)) – Renee
This is so great! What a wonderful reminder 🙂
Thank you so much for making this post. It’s really inspirational and it really makes me see the concept of selfies in a different light. I appreciate that.
I love selfies!
I love me!
I love u!!
God bless!!
I wish more people would like selfies. They do really give an insight into your lives and because I hardly been round anyone house before selfies are the only way I can see how others live their lives, maintain their room and items, and gives me ideas for how I should do the same.
cool i like taking selfies i take them all the time!
YES! You are amazing. Thank you for writing this. Also, beautiful selfie!
Reblogged this on Historical DeWitticisms and commented:
Some beautiful words on celebrating selfies and self-love over at The Belle Jar.
I had an older male family friend openly mock and shame me for my selfies. He left derisive comments on my photos, putting me down, for displaying my face. Thank you for this.
Nothing wrong with selfies…. Quite happy to see pictures of people being happy with the way they look, makes me smile. What I do have a problem with is the ‘someone-elfie’. Those pictures that have clearly, and meticulously been subjected to doctoring. Removing lines that you’ve earned laughing, blemishes that make you individual and unique. Clearing up skin and tightening angles to end up with a picture that is not you. The ‘someone-elfie’ is not a declaration of ones love for oneself, merely a sad admittance that you don’t like you’re face and wish it were different, perfect. This is what saddens me.
Selfies are so narcissistic.
I think the writer has a great, optimistic outlook on selfies and people- i do think however that its wishful thinking to think that the very large majority of people who post selfies are indeed doing it to just be recognized, or appreciated. I cant wrap my head around how many selfies I see of girls just shooting their boobs or butts , like who seriously thinks these girls are saying anything worthwhile (& likely in a quest for “instagram fame”).
Also a very large majority of girls who post selfies are feeds which are filled with nothing besides themselves. Call me crazy but I feel like there are plenty of things in this world to appreciate other than themselves. I do post pictures of myself (not selfies )- so im not saying you shouldnt- but I make a conscious effort to make sure I share plenty of other things I value, friends, family, beautiful scenery, etc….
Im definitely NOT saying ALL people who post selfies have issues but there is something to be said of people who feel the need to post countless photos of themselves (or body parts), i mean come on?! I appreciate the writers viewpoint, id just encourage that there be some thinking into the other side of things, not all people have the same intentions or thought process that you aspire they do
BTW im in my 20s not an older person who doesnt “get it”
Perfect! Great post! \m/ 🙂 \m/