Dear Friends Who Take Selfies,
I want you to know that I love it when you post pictures of yourself. I know selfies get a lot of bad press, but I think they’re rad. They give me a little window into your life, and you’d be amazed at how much I can get out of one little photo.
I love your pictures because I love seeing what you’re wearing – the outfits you build give me ideas about how to mix it up with my own wardrobe, and seeing you work your shit gives me courage to try clothing that I otherwise might have thought was too outlandish or revealing.
I love seeing how you do your hair and makeup. You look like a hot babe and I wish you would make YouTube tutorials explaining how you get your eyeliner just so. I want you to post pictures every time you change your hair, because seeing you cycle through all those neon colours gives me great ideas about what to do next with my own hair.
I love when you take selfies in your house. It’s neat to see where you live. When your place is cluttered, it makes me feel better about my own messy apartment. When your house is neat, it encourages me to get my shit together and do the damn dishes already. I like seeing the things you own and the art you put on your walls, because those things tells me so much about who you are and what you care about.
I love when you take selfies while on vacation. I don’t get to travel often, so your pictures allow me to live vicariously through you. The excitement on your face when you take a selfie at the Trevi Fountain or by the Arc de Triomphe is perfect and beautiful. I’ve seen a thousand pictures of the Louvre Pyramid, but the most interesting ones are the ones with you in it. If I wanted to see a picture of the Great Wall of China all on its own, I could just google the damn thing. You’re what makes those pictures special.
Mostly I love your selfies because I love seeing you feel good about yourself. I love how your face glows when you look like a million bucks and you know it. I love when you celebrate yourself. You deserve to be celebrated.
It’s easy for people to roll their eyes at selfies and make jokes about girls who just want attention, but the truth is that for lots of women – especially women of colour, trans women, disabled women and all the other women who see their existences erased in mainstream media – posting pictures of themselves is a way of challenging our culture’s narrow beauty standards.
Selfies are a way of saying, “I love myself, and I will fight anyone who tries to change that fact.”
Selfies are not a question. They’re not asking “Do you think I’m pretty?”
Selfies are a statement: “I am here.”
I see you.
I love you.
You matter.
Your selfies are inspirational. That might sound corny, but it’s true. When I see you love yourself, it helps me love myself. I suspect the same is true for lots of other people who see your pictures.
So please keep taking selfies. Please fill my Facebook and Twitter feeds with your wonderful face. Every picture you post fills me with so much joy. I love seeing you.
Obligatory selfie because what else would I add to this post?
The Belle Jar 
Beautifully written 🙂
what self-praising bullshit for narcissism.
This really touched my heart. Most of us live around each other without really seeing one another or considering each other. To have such a beautiful consciousness is such a gift. Never stop spreading your love! You make the difference this world needs.
Love this. Yes! “I am here.” Well-said.
Blessings to you! ~KaiCarra
Thanks for this. I only recently started taking selfies because I was so busy taking photos of everything else for my job. But now I take them a lot. In the last three years, I’ve beat heart, lung, and kidney failure, and I beat cancer a few months ago. Every day I get to document myself in this world is another day I can claim a victory against all life has thrown at me. And I, too, like seeing what my friends are doing. =)
this | I love | all of it | bravo
I need to start taking more selfies! I tend to focus on what I see, rather on myself. But you do have a very valid point, great post. 🙂
I’m not entirely convinced that taking many, daily photos of yourself posed in a very particular way so that you look more attractive than you normally do, is healthy or admirable. I think they are a sign of a lack of self-esteem.
And that would be called a cynical(aka, shitty) perspective on life.
Exactly! A selfie every now and then is ok. 20 selfies a day && you’re begging for attention!
I think it’s a complicated issue. Different people take selfies for different reasons. Some people need to promote their brands, some really love taking pictures of themselves. Some people, like me, are a little more uncomfortable with cameras and therefore pose in certain ways to look more attractive, and these people (okay, maybe just me) don’t feel good when they take selfies, or only feel good when The Internet responds in a certain way… and that’s why I personally don’t take selfies anymore! But my friends’ selfies are often fun!
Kind of a cop-out selfie, using a brick wall as a background! What about the art on the walls, the cluttered apartment, the outdoor shot …
There are so many other amazing things and people in the world to take awesome photos of. To constantly take them of yourself is self-absorbed. No matter what spon is out on it. If this was the real reason people posted selfies, there wouldn’t be a hundred “thanks fkr the new perspective” comments here in this thread. I hope more selfies can come from an artistic point of view, rather than a vain one.
I wouldn’t say taking selfies is self-absorbed. Maybe vain people take a lot of selfies, but just because you take a lot of selfies doesn’t mean you’re vain.
Reblogged this on Petite Plus, Meow! and commented:
“Let me take a selfie.”
A great post explaining how great they truly are. Thank you The Belle Jar.
Reblogged this on life with more cowbell and commented:
Love this! Thanks to Anne for posting – and to Kat Leonard for bringing it to my attention.
Reblogged this on ThugNerd and commented:
This is perfect.
No, no, no.
I have no problem with someone taking the occasional picture of themselves. I currently have maybe 3 or 4 selfies on my phone, used for profile picture/avi purposes. So I get it. You need a picture of yourself for something, front facing cameras now exist, so it makes sense. This, I understand. But a selfie every other day? Not at all.
You say here that selfies are not used for narcissistic purposes, that they’re merely a means of saying “I am here.” But I’m pretty confident that when I photograph things like nature, art, a historic landmark, a book, or other humans, people are still aware of my existence.
I’m all for self-worth and loving the way you love yourself–but I do not think that manifests itself in taking pictures of yourself. I’ve even found that as I grow and love myself more, my need to share my face with the world diminishes. My worth is not found in a picture, the amount of likes it receives, or me being under the impression that people care about how my makeup looks that day. I am confident in who I am. I am a beautiful, bold daughter of God. Celebrating myself comes from in my confidence from Him, not in taking a selfie. At the end of the day, selfies say “look at me.” But it’s not about me, it’s not about you, it’s not about any of us. And I can think of far better things to photograph.
THIS!
While I don’t post an obsessive about of selfies, I do enjoy them. Coming from someone who spent a year in a relationship with domestic abuse and COMPLETELY lost a sense of myself, posting selfies has really helped me find myself again. It may sound crazy to you. Based on your comment I inferred that you proably haven’t had any big struggles with self esteem, and I’m extremely happy for you, but from someone who only a few months ago truly began to believe in myself again, selfies helped me redefine myself because I had to think about the things I was possting and how the picture would turn out which forced me to think about what I enjoy.
You sound like a total stalker and a creep. Get a life.
oh goodness Rattner. I see you have nothing better to do. Maybe it’s YOU who should get a life.
Let people do what they want. As long as it isn’t illegal. Everyone doesn’t see things the way you do…nor do things for the reason you think they do people. To some people…taking selfies is just fun…maybe it’s a way to document their life experiences. Whatever the reason, it’s their business. And if the do it to boost their self esteem…Great! Dang…people find anything to hate on another. Selfies aren’t hurting anyone.
Well I know I am the selfie queen I take pictures of myself all the time I personally think it’s genius…I look at as branding yourself if you don’t believe in yourself why would anyone else #ijs
This is absolutely brilliant, love it! There’s far too much cynicism (which I’m guilty of myself) going round and this is so wonderfully positive! xx
Reblogged this on Trying To Make It Out Alive and commented:
Just read this on ‘The Bell Jar’ and I absolutely love it! We’re all so cynical sometimes (myself included) and her unashamedly positive post about selfies is just brilliant!
I don’t mind selfies, unless the person has filtered and edited the Hell out of their images—airbrushing their skin to ridiculous, unrealistic perfection, digitally changing the colour of their eyes (worse: animé eyes!), and having obviously removed 20+ lbs.
Worse: the “makeup artists” of Instagram, who post endless selfies of makeup applied to ONLY their own faces, seeking attention, compliments, and followers. The Paint By Numbers brigade, whom apply:
* a lot of overdone contouring (worse: when they use bronzer to contour)
* STUPID looking, drag queen technique, taper-with-a-fade, stencilled, outlined/filled, Anastasia brow pomade-loaded, Instagram eyebrows. Often, these brow masterpieces are outlined and highlighted with concealer. Gah!
* matte lip cream, in shades of Pepto Bismol pink, lavender, puce (yes, PUCE!), griege, goth purple, or violet. Lips: also outlined with concealer.
* overdrawn lips, and/or Juvéderm/Restalyne filled smackers.
* extremely high angled shots, with an arm extended way overhead, trying to give the illusion of a slimmer face.
These are often showcased with heavy filtering and photo edits, as well as a trout pout, duck face, or one of three expressions: vague & squinty, seductive, or trying too hard.
Stupid “Drag Queen” look? Really Darth Kater? You gotta kick the drag queens around to make your point? Well blah blah blah on every word you say and screw your selfie-righteousness. I like Drag Queens. They are some of the most fun and beautiful performers. Who cares if you don’t like make up?
It appears that you’ve either misinterpreted or taken my words out of context, Katherine. Nothing was written in malice or criticism of drag queens or their makeup. I said that the stupid looking, current brow trend is a (borrowed) technique which drag queens use when applying their makeup. It looks great on drag queens, and is high impact, theatrical makeup. It looks STUPID on the many young women who’ve adopted the severe look, and I hope the trend “sashays away”, soon.
FYI: I became a makeup artist in 1996, have worked in various facets of the industry, have many years of experience, and am now in a cosmetics marketing position. Trust me: I like and know “a bit” about makeup, and then-some.
I love make up artists Darth Kater! I thought about doing monster make-up for movies when I was little. LOL! I think the walking dead make up costume artist woman (sorry, i don’t know her name. my bad.) is amazing! She does all the costumes too.
Anyhow that’s totally different than drag queen and other make up so I won’t get carried away. Thanks for clarifying about your meaning. I have a pretty thin skin lately when I think anyone is insulting LGBTQ people and I need to actually learn how not to take anything personal. Because it’s never personal. Our truths are always personal and maybe political. Anyhow, no hard feelings I hope.
I also hope you don’t take Tabby too hard… she’s a good egg. Just a passionate freedom fighter is all. We can get past this bit of truculence and misinterpretation I hope.
Aw man, I love the “pout” and “duck face”… you don’t like those Darth Kater? You gotta come back to the light. Darth’s helmet didn’t make him look so hot after wearing it for so many years, remember?
Maybe you didn’t mean to insult drag queens? Ru-Paul is pretty fabulous and sponsors an ethical make-up company that recycles containers and doesn’t test on animals and then donates to HIV and AIDS funded research. And Ru-Paul is pretty amazing for liberation of soul… a good example of how to follow one’s heart and not listen so much to the criticism of others.
No insult was implied about drag queens. Stupid: the drag queen-inspired brow TECHNIQUE. Not stupid: drag queens or their makeup. Drag makeup is fabulous … on drag queens. The majority of drag queens are incredibly talented and/or artistic. Their makeup is dramatic and heavy handed for effect and impact, especially when onstage, so that their features may stand-out to the audience.
The STUPID LOOKING brows that keep popping up on Instagram: a lot of them have been applied with a borrowed, drag queen technique. I’m sure you know the various brows that I’m referring to: taper with a fade, severe stencilling, square-blocked, Rubix cube, ten pounds of brow pomade, and brows that resemble a Nike swoosh. All of the aforementioned: not particularly attractive, but merely a STUPID LOOKING trend. (I say this with more than a bit of professional insight.)
Re: RuPaul and M.A.C.
I was an original M.A.C. fan, circa 1992–2000. I bought Viva Glam when it débuted in 1994, and attended Fashion Cares, Vancouver in 1997, with RuPaul also in attendance at the fundraiser. The Viva Glam campaign, Cards for Kids, and Back 2 M.A.C. recycling program were in place, circa 1990. When Frank Toskan sold the remaining percentage of his company to Estée Lauder in 1996, he stipulated that they maintain those programs. Agreeably, the charitable campaigns have raised a lot of money over the past 25 years. Too bad that Lauder turned the brand into the McDonalds of makeup, however—cheapening formulations (and brush quality!), whilst making millions of dollars selling what is now well-marketed, over-hyped, drugstore quality makeup, sold in ridiculous collections every other week.
Sadly, as per Chinese importing laws, all imported cosmetics must be tested on animals, before a brand may be sold in China. This includes brands which have previously maintained an animal friendly, no testing policy. Including M.A.C. Corporations cannot resist the lucrative market in China, and they will conform (have!) to Chinese laws, in order to have a piece of the Chinese market. This affects all giant cosmetic corporations—Lauder, L’Oréal, Coty, and Shiseido, as well as the many brands which fall under each of their corporate umbrellas. Sorry.
Hey there Darth Kater, I’m glad you’re not actually meaning to put drag queens down and that you appreciate them as well.
I will certainly look into your M.A.C. facts. I wasn’t aware of their market in China. That sucks just due to the human rights abuses being committed… I had known make up artists and women who worked for Mac but it was a long time ago. Thanks for the current insight.
As for the whole “stupid” eyebrows and make up you don’t like and the degrees to your selfie acceptance… I actually don’t think calling anyone “stupid” or “stupid” looking is working for you.
You had a lot of “suggestions” for me on my current post. I will consider them. As for “self-serving” what does that mean? I’m calling you out for the word “stupid” in a blog space you feel the need to be superior in rather than supportive in. So Maybe the jokes about Darth Vader seem harsh to you, but I’m going after a character with a recognizable effect… and you’re taking it personal. The lecture between Laverne Cox and bell hooks that I posted speaks to how we can refine the communication process… if you really wanna.
For now tho, I think my “creative license” as you’ve described it will stands. I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true and I didn’t say anything that wasn’t kind.
Untrue: I did not tear down drag queens or their makeup.
I am so glad you have clarified this to me. Thanks Darth Kater. That was important.
BUT Darth Kater, you are instead calling other people stupid or what they do as stupid looking and so that’s still pretty dang lame. You don’t need to tear down anyone for how they apply make up just because you are burnt out on the industry. I’m not into make up unless it’s for a project or performance, but what I don’t like is how women tear other women down and act like they are being somehow modest or less vain. So I’m not attacking you with lies or insulting you. I’m speaking to your actions.
Well, I’ve considered your resume and extensive make-up knowledge and history for the possibility of “rescinding” my original standpoint. (I love that you used the word rescind… I have to admit.) And I think Katherine is being nice to you. She’s not telling you about her resume in order to convince you she has the entitlement to call other women stupid looking for how they do what they do. And she has a tremendous resume she could brag on. TREMENDOUS.
She isn’t into the vanity industry and neither am I. She and I both scrutinize the patriarchal oppression in relation to the beauty standards and predatory nature of marketing. But it’s complicated for girls and women after the conditioning and so to celebrate what empowers our feeling of beauty and self becomes something we have to be aware of in the greater context. What is our effect on other girls and women when we champion physical beauty matters (which is what I believe you’re trying to express) So we weigh that. It’s tricky. How do we do it with out shaming each other? How do we not play into the patriarchal game? Those are some of the questions.
Unfortunately the outsourcing and marketing of the cosmetics taints all of our trade and global interactions. President Obama just visited where I live last night, blocking traffic and costing my city money in order to convince Ron Wyden why to get/stay on board with the trade deal that really only benefits Phil Knight of Nike. Nike being connected to google and apple computer connected to the NFL connected to the colleges in Oregon state that compete have taken over our progressive radio replacing it with a more “lucrative” business of sports radio because people bet on college “civil war” games…etc. Phil Knight doesn’t really create jobs here, he outsources them. So I get where we are all fairly doomed due to the global economy. And where I appreciate your knowledge and experience, I don’t appreciate your lording it over people you don’t agree with.
I’m sorry if my post has done anything to make you feel embarrassed or attacked. But thanks for the dialogue.
“Mostly I love your selfies because I love seeing you feel good about yourself.” Actually the opposite is true. My most insecure friends seem to take the most selfies. There is wAy too much “celebration” of the self. You’re all unique , just like everybody else.
Well said! I love the acceptance I’m hearing in this, from a very pretty woman. I love it because she is saying that she wants to see people happy who love themselves and want to see themselves as happy and loved. I wrote something like this on my Facebook page once and meant it. I don’t feel it is vain because most people want to see photos of themselves. Weather a selfies or not. I think that people who are grumps about it should focus on something else to hate on or judge. I bet all your parents even have a form of a selfie or drawing with their face on it. Should we get rid of anything that looks good on us or that is telling people who we are because it is so called “vain”? Go live in a cave where you hate yourself and others for wearing pink socks or a little blush in public. I love selfies, too! Even if I’m not that pretty….which I am!;)
This is so inspiring…one of the greatest things in life is loving oneself. Appreciate the beauty, those odds–maybe that akward smirk or the spaced tooth when smiling. Its just being thankful to life.
I like your selfie 🙂
A great way to look at the selfie trend! I love using peoples pics as fashion inspiration, too!
Thanks for making the case for selfies. I’m new to the world of smart phones (as of last October), but have hesitated to do selfies because of the bad press. But it will be nice to go ahead and place me in the context of some of my surroundings — just going to be careful if standing at the edge of a cliff in Spain or Portugal (or wherever that was), before posing…
Love it!
Greetings from Austria
Love this post!!
I love it! So much truth
Lovely post! Selfies are interpreted in many ways! Selfies show you are confident and comfortable and there’s no wrong way to take a selfie – except with your finger over the camera!
Everyone should take selfies and share their lovely faces with the world!
I just wrote a new post about selfies if you’ve got the time delveintodem.wordpress.com but on the whole, loved this post very real
Thanks for the fresh perspective! Selfies take so much flak these days, it’s nice to hear a positive spin.
selfies rocks!
Reblogged this on The Rove.
Reblogged this on chanamaro.
It’s a bit narcisistic to think that selfies make other people feel better or challenge society. Feel good doesnt equal feel beautiful and selfies are just pretty pics of our best moments that boost a bit our ego, nothing to praise and not a problem to make fun of.
Nice post
haha this is so cute 😉
Reblogged this on Olu Omolale.
This is awesome, validating, powerful, and appreciated! Thank you! ❤
This is a fun post! Most of our photos on our fulltime RVing blog are not selfies, but sometimes it is just silly and fun to throw one in there. 🙂
Jim
Perfect balance of wit and self pity. Plus a nice selfie. Blog on!
Good points, and selfies are really pretty good, but some people do take it too far. I mean, who takes selfies in front of a burning building? Seriously?! But that’s what happened one day (I heard about it on the news), and my message is, “Don’t do that. Please.”
Its good to read something positive about taking selfies and people who take selfies, for a change. Well done!
Reblogged this on AEZR'A and commented:
Redefining the age of Selfie’s; We are not narcissists, we are here to promote self love!!!
Awesome message!
Awesome message! Nothing wrong with a ‘selfie’!
Reblogged this on Bloom…Writeously!.
yawn. Yawn. Yawn. Selfies are ridiculous. Tired of duck lips, etc. it’s all old. Taking and posting incessant pics of yourself is tiresome and narcissistic.
P.S. You don’t get any fashion ideas from your friend’s selfies as you typically get a headshot only, but whatever.
But it’s fine if someone takes a headshot of me, right? Anyone, other than myself.
Or we get negative ppl like you.. I mean it is gross to blow kisses right…. what does it matter how others choose to define themselves….. If that bothers you than just…. don’t look….
Oh Leila, have you not heard of hats? Earrings? Facial piercings? Bendi’s? Scarfs? Make-up? Masks? Hair dye? Hair spray? Hair styles? Wigs? Sunglasses? Head shots in fact have many opportunities for fashion display. I don’t care about selfies one way or another, because people get to celebrate themselves however they want, but attention to detail and the facts, are my thing.
Yawning about “narcissists” is narcissistic. You’re the pot calling the kettle black, darlin’.