Leigh Anne “That Nice Woman Sandra Bullock Played In The Blind Side” Tuohy recently posted the following picture and caption on her Facebook and Instagram accounts:
“We see what we want! It’s the gospel truth! These two were literally huddled over in a corner table nose to nose and the person with me said “I bet they are up to no good” well you know me… I walked over, told them to scoot over. After 10 seconds of dead silence I said so whats happening at this table? I get nothing.. I then explained it was my store and they should spill it… They showed me their phones and they were texting friends trying to scrape up $3.00 each for the high school basketball game! Well they left with smiles, money for popcorn and bus fare. We have to STOP judging people and assuming and pigeon holing people! Don’t judge a book by its cover or however you’d like to express the sentiment! Accept others and stoping seeing what you want to see!!!”
The comments on both posts are full of people praising her – telling her how awesome she is, how open-minded, how kind. Reading these responses is completely baffling – like, did these people and I all read the same words?
Let’s break down what happened here:
1. Two teenagers were sitting alone and completely minding their own business.
2. A white woman decides that based on the fact that they are “huddled” in corner “nose to nose,” they must be “up to no good.” Because obviously whenever Black people (especially Black men) gather in public, it’s bad news for the rest of us!
3. Another white woman, one Leigh Anne “I Adopted A Black Boy So I Can’t Possibly Be Racist” Tuohy, decides that White Lady #1 is wrong. Which is actually the correct assumption for Ms. Tuohy to make, so I guess this is where some people are getting confused because we see that her intent is good, and that makes us want to believe that the action that follows will also be good. She’s at a crossroad here – two roads diverged, etc. Had she taken the road less travelled, Ms. Tuohy might have said to her friend, “Wow, you’re being really racist right now! I’m not comfortable with how this conversation is going.” Instead, she decided to confront the teenagers who, as a reminder, have done absolutely nothing wrong.
4. Leigh Anne Tuohy walks over to the two boys and sits there in silence. I’m sure that wasn’t scary for two Black teenagers at all, especially given recent events.
5. After what was certainly the most awkward ten seconds of those boys’ lives, Ms. Tuohy asks what’s “happening” at the table. Like, other than two teenagers sitting there talking like anyone sitting at a table might do? Some kids are hanging out and chatting. That is what’s happening.
Unsure of the correct answer to this question – other than “we are two friends sitting together and not causing any trouble,” which probably seemed too obvious for them to point out – the boys remain silent.
6. Leigh Anne tells them that this is her store and they need to “spill.” Again, these kids have done nothing except be in public and be Black.
7. After being interrogated by this woman, and probably afraid that at the very least she’s about the call the cops, the boys show her their phones. This part just breaks my brain, like, these two kids had to show this woman evidence that they are doing exactly what they seem to be doing: sitting at a table and having a conversation.
8. Apparently satisfied with the evidence the boys have presented her with, Leigh Anne Tuohy gives them bus fare and money for popcorn, but not before she has White Lady #1 take her picture with them.
9. Ms. Tuohy then posts this picture to social media and receives thousands of responses lauding her for being such a good person.
Leigh Anne Tuohy profiled two Black kids, invaded their privacy and interrogated them, but somehow people are behaving as if this is some kind of wonderful social justice moment. No. Not even a little. This is some fucked up racial profiling combined with white saviourism, and it is racist as hell. Assuming that those kids were doing something bad was racist. Assuming that she could take up space at their table was racist. Insisting that they talk to her was disrespectful and racist. Wanting evidence that they weren’t up to no good was racist. Treating those boys as props to make her look good and then posting this picture publicly (and honestly, I wonder if the boys consented to that) is incredibly racist.
Also, can we talk about how problematic using the phrase “don’t judge a book by its cover” is when it comes to talking about race? First of all, it begins with the assumption that the “cover” (or in this case, skin) tells you something unappealing about the contents of the book or person. It also implies that there is something unattractive or bad about the “cover” (or, again, skin). I can’t believe that I have to say this, but: there is nothing wrong or bad about Black skin. Black skin is not unpleasant or ugly, and to imply that dark skin might devalue someone is really, really fucked up.
Black people aren’t things. They don’t exist just so that white people can make a point about themselves. These are two real kids who not only had to endure this woman’s microaggressions but have now had their image splashed all over social media – the Facebook picture alone has 150,000 likes and over 12,000 shares. Step away for a hot second from this white woman’s narrative, and think about how those teenagers must feel – having their privacy invaded, having assumptions made about them based on their race, and now having a white woman use their images to get praise for herself.
Now tell me again about how Leigh Anne Tuohy did a good thing.
UPDATE:
One of the two teens involved has responded on Instagram (his name has been blurred out for privacy):
Person One aka Teen Leigh Anne Tuohy approached at KFC:
Yeah people don’t know what really happened because I actually had money I have a job and have had one for over a year I was gonna pay for my brother the other guy in the picture but he was insisting on waiting on his uncle but his phone was dying so we were charging it which is the reason we were in KFC in the first place.and the game was only a 3 min walk up the street I don’t see why she said bus fare that kinda ticked me off a little but the way she worded it is making us sound less fortunate and that isn’t the case at all & when she came over to us she never mentioned her initial reason was because of her friends comment im just now finding that out
Person Two:
May I ask how she asked for the photo?
Person One:
Yeah she never actually asked for it as she was handing us the money she was like “hey you know what I think this would be a great picture” and everyone with her was yeah totally so we just kinda went along with the situation like sure why not your Michael Oher’s mom but the whole time I was thinking you know why’d she come up to us in the first place I was still clueless up until she posted the picture on social media and stated “the person with me said I bet they’re up to no good.”
The Belle Jar 
Reblogged this on NeverSkurred's Mind Infection and commented:
Sigh…thoughts?
I sick and tired of us as a nation feeding into these race wars that the media creates. Not to say there aren’t some incidents that happened. you must ask yourself why are we label segregated through the media and by reaction our selves.what would happen if we came together white black and brown? I’ll tell you my brothers and sisterswe were focus on the true tyranny that is going on in this country every day.ask yourself why would people not want us to unite?the media creates conflict among the workers of this country.glory be the day we know 1 another. you are my brotheryou are we are working class that have sat by idley while Corporate America is getting fatter and fatter off our labors. wake up they do not want us United. divide and conquer and that’s what they’re doing.
“2. A white woman decides that based on the fact that they are “huddled” in corner “nose to nose,” they must be “up to no good.””
There is absolutely no indication from Tuohy’s post that the person she was with was either white or a woman. This is racialist and sexist profiling (“Tuohy, as a white woman, could only be cavorting with other white women.”)
“Tuohy might have said to her friend, “Wow, you’re being really racist right now! I’m not comfortable with how this conversation is going.”” Tuohy’s point is to show that it’s wrong to make baseless assumptions about people. She could have made her point by sanctimoniously lecturing the other person, making assumptions about the motivations behind their prejudice (remember: We know *nothing* about the other person, let alone the basis for their prejudice: It could be racist, ageist, classist, based on clothes or accessories, etc.), but she instead decided to demonstrate her point.
“Tuohy walks over to the two boys and sits there in silence. I’m sure that wasn’t scary for two Black teenagers at all, especially given recent events.” I guess I missed all recent events of white women sitting with black men that would cause these kids to profile Tuohy as a potentially dangerous person.
“these kids have done nothing except be in public and be Black.” They weren’t in public, they were in Tuohy’s store–private property.
“Tuohy profiled two Black kids, invaded their privacy and interrogated them.” Tuohy did not profile them, her entire purpose of “interrogating” these kids was to show the person she was with, the one doing the actual profiling, that judging people based on their appearance is wrong.
“Assuming that those kids were doing something bad was racist.” True. But what about assuming that an unnamed, ungendered person is not only a white woman, but also that the reason for their prejudice is necessarily racist? How do you know that person wouldn’t have made the same comment about white teenagers? The answer is you don’t.
“Assuming that she could take up space at their table was racist.” It’s her own store. She could have smeared her own feces all over walls if she wanted.
“Treating those boys as props to make her look good and then posting this picture publicly (and honestly, I wonder if the boys consented to that) is incredibly racist.” Her entire point was to show the person she was with that these boys posed no threat.
Yes, under most circumstances, getting interrogated for minding your own business is wrong. But Tuohy compensated these boys for their trouble.
And I can’t believe how uncharitably “don’t judge a book by its cover” was interpreted. The phrase simply means don’t make assumptions about person based on their appearance. Again, the author does not know the basis for the original comment. The constant assumptions about racism are baseless and in fact prejudicial.
“Step away for a hot second from this white woman’s narrative, and think about how those teenagers must feel” How about how Tuohy must feel–having her character assassinated, her motivations questioned, and countless baseless assumptions about not only her and the person she was with, but these boys as well: That these boys were too dumb, naive, frightened, intimidated, or lacking in agency to make decisions for themselves.
Again, the *story* (and it is a story; for all we know, the kids could have been hired models) is that someone of an unknown age, race, and gender made a prejudiced comment to a store owner about two black teens who were not patronizing the store. The store owner, in order to prove this prejudiced stranger wrong, goes and engages these boys. She was interrogative, she was intimidating, but she proved her point: That there was no basis to assume that these boys were up to any trouble. She then monetarily compensated them and took a picture with them. She ended her story by referring to a popular metaphor that suggests not to make assumptions about people based on their external values.
The author made assumptions at every level of the story in order to paint the worst possible picture of Tuohy. Maybe there’s merit to challenging Tuohy’s narrative, but the way this author completely disregards the moral of the story is very unconvincing.
Ash, You truly don’t get it, and are clearly a part of the problem. Can you at least admit that she had no business inserting herself into these boys’ conversation????
Moral of the story: Don’t make negative assumptions about black people who are minding their own business, simply on the grounds that they are Black.
“Yes, under most circumstances, getting interrogated for minding your own business is wrong. But Tuohy compensated these boys for their trouble.”
You admit that it was troubling for them to be questioned like that by a stranger. The idea that throwing money at an injustice fixes it says a lot about where you’re coming from, and it’s obviously not a place from which you can understand how this whole scenario isn’t just peachy keen.
What bothers me the most is that she had to brag to the whole world that she gave them money and then posed for the picture. I would describe her as arrogant more than racist.
I’d have to agree with this article! Although we know that Mrs Tuohy has done great things in the past & that was her intention here, lets be honest: would she have done that if it were 2 white kids!? I know if I were huddled in a corner with a friend looking at my phone & someone asked me what was up, and then pushed it, I’d feel interrogated, uncomfortable & even afraid. She meant well but there are definate racial issues going on here!
I agree with the basic premise of the article, but I do not think Touhey was being racist. I think she was being a mom. Moms NEVER mind their own business. And humAN
ans in general are rarely as thoughtful in their interactions as the author I look forward to the time when we are.
I am a 21-year-old white woman. Once when I was 17, I was walking around the park with a friend. Neither of us had camera phones, but we wanted to take a picture of us at the park since it was far from home, so we were walking around looking at people and talking, trying to figure out who looked like a friendly person who would let us borrow their camera.
We approached a middle-aged white man who had just finished talking on his cell phone, and he looked us with an eyebrow raised and repeated the question, “To take a picture?” He eyed us up and down – two white teenaged girls – and he said, “No, sorry.” As we walked away, he watched us leave as if he suspected we would run back and try to snatch the phone out of his hands.
Later, a young Latina came up to us and said, “I saw you talking to that man. What was that about?” We told her we were looking to borrow his phone to take a picture because we didn’t have a camera. She offered to let us use hers, then sent the picture to one of our email accounts.
I have two points:
One, people assume ALL teenagers are up to no good. ALL of them. Something about the slouching and the skinny/saggy pants that puts adults off. I wasn’t a black male: nobody would say that the guy’s suspicion had anything to do with race, sex, or gender. It was about age.
Two, an adult asking a teenager what’s going on isn’t necessarily threatening. You assume both the tone and the intent of her question: She was just asking what’s going on. She gave them enough money for a $3 basketball game, popcorn, and bus fare. That’s maybe $10. She didn’t buy them an extravagant gift or cross any kind of line. It’s totally outrageous that you would compare her to a pedophile or a murderous cop because she gave a pair of teens $10. Last time I checked, it’s acceptable for adults to talk to teens in public and commit small acts of kindness.
Sure, she’s prideful. But maybe she didn’t see them and think, “Oh, look! An opportunity for the world to see how great I am!” Plenty of other celebrities have made statements about racism in the past few months… Maybe she’s a little egotistical to think she has as much sway as people on the cover of OK!, but that doesn’t mean she’s a horrible scheming racist who we need to condemn…
One, His suspicion probably wasn’t with your age, but with 1.) A picture of 2 girls in his phone 2.) Your information in his phone as he would have to have a way to get you the picture 3.) As social media/pictures probably wasn’t any where near as important to him as it was to a couple of teenagers, He probably thought to himself “I’m not going to give you my phone just to take an un-needed picture and why would you even approach a stranger just to take a random picture.” You probably made him uncomfortable because to approach a stranger about something that’s not important is rare especially when asking something from them. So that’s what that was about, not age. If you had asked him to use his phone for what it was meant for, a call, perhaps to call a ride then I’m sure the outcome would have differed.
Two, An adult asking whats going on being threatening depends on perception of motive. The lady who approached you saw you approach another adult (most likely stranger) and the situation seemed unproductive so she approached you seeking to help what looked like a situation she might be able to do something about. “May have been something the guy didn’t feel comfortable doing because of gender, I don’t know let me find out and see if I can help.” Then the picture and information don’t look suspicious at all because she is a woman.
Despite the intentions of Leigh Anne there are some underlying disturbing racial undertones here that most wouldn’t think about but are very evident.
I agree with you. There was a time when adults would know everyone in the neighborhood. They could legitimately ask young people what they were up to and challenge them if they were behaving badly. They could also be resources of community and comfort and safety.
We do not have that now. What Leigh Anne Tuohy did was not bad, per se, but the way she did it invoked the problems identified in the article. She could have been a bit more graceful about what she did — but then she would not be Leigh Anne Tuohy and she probably would not have adopted anyone or done much good for anyone. That is who she is.
It is sometimes better to be proactive and clumsy than passive and politically correct.
Let me explain a difference here. YOU initiated contact with a man asking to use HIS PHONE. I saw a white guy at a movie theater do this once and EVERYBODY was pretty much like, “nah man.” Yeah you and your friend were suspect. THESE kids were minding their business and doing nothing wrong. Then she says “don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” What cover?
Two teenage girls in a park ask a middle-aged man, a stranger, to take a picture of them on his own phone. He was smart not to do it. Teenage girls should hopefully be aware by now not to put themselves in those kinds of positions, and any man with a modicum of awareness would know not to engage in something like that. It’s not unfair or prejudice against middle-aged men, teenage girls, or the relationship between the two: it’s just common sense and safe practice.
A really common way to steal phones is by asking someone for it for a second to make a phone call or whatever and then bolting. People were right to be suspicious of you when you asked for their phone. In this case, the two kids were literally just sitting there talking. I have never had to worry that maybe I looked suspicious for just hanging out with a friend somewhere, but this story is telling us that that’s an assumption many people jump to when they see black people doing the same thing.
Also, according to Tuohy, she didn’t even ask permission to sit at the table, like most normal people would do, or say something along the lines of “Hi, I’m the owner; I just wanted to make sure your service was good, yadda yadda.” Instead, she just tells them to scoot over and plops herself down. If I were in that position, I would definitely feel intruded upon, even if the person’s intentions were good.
The point was that this prejudice is definitely there, apparently to the point that many many people don’t realize it. She herself used the phrase “don’t judge a book by its cover” which kind of shows what her assumptions are about black people. The fact that people are congratulating her for essentially just finding out that these kids are behaving like any other kids is a bit ridiculous.
I totally agree with the author of this article; and I completely expected the comment section to be filled with apologetic and empathetic viewpoints to the contrary. This in and of itself says a lot. “Spill it” tells that her entire approach was pretentious and riddled with suspicion. To the people trying to make false equivalences by saying adults always think ill of teenagers: Do you really think the age is the deciding variable that made this woman go over to “check them out”? Do you think age trumps race. To the girl who said that she was denied a camera by a suspecting middle-aged man, did he come up to you and your friend first? No. You had to actively do an action first to prompt suspicion. All these boys did was sit. The white-saviour complex much like Kipling’s insidious essay, “White Man’s Burden”, has been around for centuries. It’s rooted in some (and they might not even be conscious of it) that they have to save and civilize black people. This comes with the assumption and implication of superiority. They pat themselves on the back not understanding that they are still perpetrators and believers in white supremacy. Oh, and the theater and fetishim of having to take a picture (with the props) seals everything I, and the author and millions of others are/have been saying about this subject. By and large, black people HATED the Blindside (as did the NFL player whom the story depicts), and white people LOVED it (as did The Academy).
I agree with the article but in fairness, I don’t think Tuohy meant that she actually told the kids, “Spill it.” She was telling the story of the incident and said, “…so I told them to spill it.” She probably did so in a more tactful way.
My main issue is with the fact that she took a picture with them which calls into question her motives and certainly conjures up the “white savior” stereotype. If you just wanted to do something nice, you would have given them some money to go to the game and not posted in all over facebook and taken a picture.
You’re an idiot.
Nope. You are so wrong it breaks my brain as much as point #7 does for the author. First of all, your need to include an anecdotal comparative analysis of the situation is not only irrelevant, it too is a pretty atypical reaction of of folks who prefer to live in the bubble of their unconscious bias. If we want to provide anecdotal evidence, as a mixed race woman I can say that my treatment as a teen was markedly different depending on whether I was with a group with darker skin or with Caucasians. While I agree that she is clearly not a scheming racist (incidentally a very hyperbolic term in our times) I can say that her behavior lends itself to pretty extreme micro aggression bordering on macro. I encourage you to do a wee more research on matters like this before weighing in next time. It is clear you are intelligent and it would serve you better to understand the depth of the issue rather than simply its surface.
He might not have wanted to take your picture lest he look like a pervert. Thats the main aversion I know adult have re: strange teenage girls.
lol white people ^^
Thanks for this comment. I think you’re right on SO many levels!!! Glad you got your pic in the end 🙂
I saw The Blind Side several times, and feel I understand where Leigh Anne Tuohy was probably coming from. So I would like to offer my viewpoint, and what I saw when I read this article. I think when the other woman said “Those two are up to no good” Ms. Touhy took that as a challenge. When she went over to the teenagers and sat at the table she was, I sensed, telling the woman, “I’ll bet you anything you are wrong in your assessment. Watch and learn, you fool.” To post it on facebook, or wherever, was to say “we have to stop assuming things about others.” It is fascinating that each of us see this story from our own viewpoint based on our own experiences. But this is mine. Her actions towards the teenagers, sitting with them and asking them “What’s going on here?” was more to show that woman that nothing was going on other than two teenagers talking to each other. She was not, in my opinion, challenging the teenagers, but the other woman whose guard went up when she saw two black teenagers talking together “nose to nose.”
Not all of us white people are assholes. And a lot of us would just as soon eradicate the evil and stupidity of all racism in the world.
Thank you.
I completely agree with you. The thing that’s wrong with this article, is the whole damn thing. The person writing it obviously has psychological problems. I saw a woman sticking up for two young men and doing a good deed. Quit the hate. Quit playing the race game.
Here’s the thing though, as the author of the post says, she could have just told her friend, “That’s a pretty racist assumption to make.” And left it at that. Instead, she roped those two boys into her own narrative. She turned them into props for her challenge to her friend. See what I’m saying? Even though her intent — to show her friend that just because these two black boys are hanging out, doesn’t make them troublemakers — was well-meaning, her ACTIONS were racist. She sits down at their table, uninvited. Gets up in their space. Interrogates them. Now, keep in mind, she doesn’t think they’re doing anything wrong. Does she sit at every table and interrogate everybody who she thinks isn’t doing anything wrong? No, obviously not. But proving to her friend (and herself) that black people aren’t criminals was MORE IMPORTANT to her than allowing these kids their space and freedom. Now, she hooked them up with some money afterwards, but that’s essentially, “thanks for letting me use you to prove a point, here’s some compensation for what was not really a consensual exchange in the first place.”
That’s what we’re taking issue with here.
Her exchange with those young men was not about the young men, it was about her and her friend, and they were the objects in that exchange.
That’s what we’re taking issue with here.
I don’t think she’s an asshole, and I don’t think all “white people are assholes” and I am sure most of y’all “would just as soon eradicate the evil and stupidity of all racism in the world.” I agree. But, part of eradicating that racism is going to be white people realizing that when they do stuff like this — disregard the autonomy of people of color just to prove a point to another white person — they’re not actually dismantling the power structure. She may have disabused her friend of the notion that black youth = troublemaker, but she did nothing to challenge the assumption that white people can do whatever they want with people of color and we’re there for their use. Racism has plenty of bigots, sure, but it has a lot more unwitting participants upholding racist structures without even realizing it.
The best way for her to handle that would have been to say, “That’s a racist assumption, you know.” And leave it at that. Her friend just needed to know the assumption was racist.
I agree with your assessment because I would do the same thing if someone were making racist comments to me about “suspicious” behavior. I know it doesn’t do any good at all to challenge the racist assumptions by white people because they don’t see them as racist. You’ve got to undo it, one incident at a time. I think that’s something some black people aren’t understanding about white people speaking out. It seems trite and self-aggrandizing – but some of us have been fighting racism on the “inside” so to speak, for decades. We aren’t surprised by #ALLLivesMatter because we know the same people who rant about “black on black” crime will be the first to object to any attention given to black neighborhoods. We know it’s going to take getting into the pscyhe of these white racists, who don’t see themselves as racist, to make change at this point.
Thank you for your post. I agree that was probably here intention but she should’ve addressed her friend vs interrogating the teens if she was trying to prove that point.
By coming to the valiant rescue of these poor beleaguered negroes, you’re doing the exact same thing. Ain’t that a kick in the pants.
Yup
Hee hee hee
I totally agree with the author of this article.
I do too! I think she meant well and I respect her for her past deeds but I agree with the author of this article. None of her business to bother those young men.
While I agree it is an invasion of privacy, what you are missing us that I believe she would have gone the same to any group of team ages acting the same. The skin color may matter because there is racism but this is a Mom that sees the world’ children as needing direction and is not afraid to give it. I can see myself doing the same thing. If us not racist it is motherhood busy-bodiness and it us I curable.
Nailed it.
Something tells me if this were two white kids her friend doesn’t make the comment that triggers this interaction in the first place. Just my two cents.
then why isn’t this story about two white kids who were huddled up in a corner?
We just can’t do anything right, can we?
You could learn the definiteion of Paternalism. That would be a good start.
So when I give to the United Negro College Fund, Southern Poverty Law Center, or any one of the dozen or so charities that help minorities in my city, I am being “paternalistic”? Well, I do apologize.
I’ll help stamp out this social travesty by not giving time or money. No more donating to or shopping at the Goodwill.
no
Amen! Apparently every white person is evil and all we do are evil deeds. No matter what we do ( myself included being white ) is racist to someone. Maybe she should have just ignored those kids and let them miss the basketball game, but then she’d be racist for that. Whites, blacks, browns, yellows…. everybody loses when you look for the worst in a person.
“Amen! Apparently every white person is evil and all we do are evil deeds. No matter what we do ( myself included being white ) is racist to someone.”
Yes. Of course this is all about you. An it is a trap where anything you do will result in your persecution for being racist. Anything. You can’t win. An it’s all about you so that is a big problem. It is all about you and you should win.
Speak for yourself. I think most comments by white people I’ve read are so clueless, embarrassing, totally not ‘getting it’ and not even interested in trying. Because you just can’t seem to get past your beliefs that it’s about YOU, about YOUR feelings an YOUR (good) intentions, so you can’t be bothered to imagine considering what you’re being told from a perspective that is more than ‘me-me-me’..
Just for the record, it does not depend on someone’s (good or bad) intentions if something is racist. It is very possible (easy, common..) to do something extremely racist with the best of intentions. It doesn’t mean anyone is saying you (or all white people) are ‘evil’, it means you should get over yourself and LISTEN. That’d be a good start.
No, if she had ignored them (like she should have done) then there’d be no story. Just like there’d be no story if it had been 2 white boys huddled at a table. And that’s the point.
“We just can’t do anything right, can we?”
That was almost as cringe-worthy that the incident itself. Who’s ‘we’? (we) Idiots? (we) Racists? (we) big whiny white babies? Who? Because I may be white but that is definitely not what a ‘we’ I belong to.
FFS. You’ve got to be kidding me. wah wah poor poor you, always picked on for no reason.
Tool.
Reblogged this on Embracing life: 4/29/10 and commented:
More than one way to tackle an issue…
In my opinion, Leigh Anne’s intentions were good. Based on her original post, and the comments on this article, I, too, feel as though she is just a curious and helpful woman. Others are wondering whether or not she would have made the post if the teenagers had been of any other race, and I believe she would have. She gave two teens some money to go and have a good time, and people love to boast to others when they do a good deed!
I agree with you 100%…the fact that she needs to splash her savior complex on the internet is what really sickens me. She should have called her friend out & kept it moving, no need to bother 2 boys minding their business. The way her statement is read makes it seems like she helped out 2 poor black boys, when in fact they’re teenagers, 98% of them are broke. Thank you for calling her out, most of the people that disagree with you seem to be missing the point.
Feeling the need to post about doing good things on Facebook or tell everyone about it indicates a motive other than “just wanting to help.”
Anne! You r absolutely screwed up in the head! Chill, there r nice people out there and very suspicious people at the same time. one needs to be cautious these days, and watch for AHs like you that take this negatively no matter what….sorry……..but I see no race issues anywhere in my life, just AHs and people like you
If you don’t see race issues anywhere in your life, you’re not looking.
i completely agree if anything she and everyone agreeing with her are being the racist ones.
Reblogged this on Musings of a Quarter Life Gypsy and commented:
All of this.
Following the logic of the article that you have reblogged: If you are not ethnically Roma or Sinti, your use of the word Gypsy is racist and I’m not ok with you using it. These ethnic groups have been discriminated against for most of recorded European history, were kicked out of various countries in the Middle Ages, faced extinction by Nazis, sterilization campaigns, put in segregated Eastern European schools for the mentally disabled, and still make up the most discriminated against European minority. Using “Gypsy” to mean you are somehow wistfully artistic and full of wanderlust is akin to cultural genocide, as it pretends “Gypsies” no longer exist. By reblogging this, we are obviously on the same side. I hope this at least makes you think.
I guess that did feel good. I was worried this was merely more of an example of how the left can’t help but tear itself down. Thanks article!
Thank you, bellejar for posting this! It’s so true! It seems like a lot of the comments to this post really highlight the current issue of societal colorblindness, which is so dangerous for a society that is still deeply entrenched in racism and white supremacy.
Thank you for your post, “Leigh Anne Tuohy, Racism, and the White Saviour Complex.” You are right on and its a prefect example of how white people are conditioned in our culture to be racist.
Helping people is always right. Racism is about hurting, oppressing and neglecting. Stop looking for excuses to criticize goodness and twist things around. You guys are major phonies and people with a clear conscience know.
to everyone with this her intentions were only good and if they were white she would have done the same thing. You dont know her intentions and if it was just a good deed than her post would have just been “Helped these two young men have a good time tonight! I Love when God uses me to help his children! We are Blessed to be a Blessing!” and if wanted to push the “Don’t judge a book by its cover” She could have said “A friend thought these teens were up to no good, but come to find out they just needed a blessing which I was able to help the, with!” Less is more that’s why the meek shall inherit the earth.
dude, chill out!
So let me get this straight, you are upset that Touhy made assumptions about the two boys and then you spend a whole blog post attacking her based on your own assumptions about what she was up to as a “white savior”? I think you make a great point regarding “don’t judge a book by its cover”, but then that is exactly what you just did. Because she is a white book, you don’t like her and mistrust her intentions. I am Latino and when I was a boy a “white” woman approached me, asked me what I was doing and invited me for tea. She introduced me to reading books I would never have imagined and I am grateful that she chose to step into the life of a kid that was just minding his business. Let’s judge people on their deeds and not our own read of their motives. But yes, I agree that we could all benefit from a little introspection about why we respond and interpret things the way we do.
10/10
What I’m most bothered by is that it appears this woman hasn’t updated the decor of her store since the 90s.
On a more serious note, the author doesn’t know the race of the woman that was with Tuohy, or apparently the fact that they were in her store, which is private property, and not in public as the author stipulates.
Author: What do you think about blurring the teens’ faces, to respect their privacy?
Reblogged this on M.L.Gaynor and commented:
An interesting take on the white savior complex
Hi, I think the problem is the attention and evasion of privacy here, and she WAS trying to be a saviour and make a PR moment out of someones misfortune…And she thinks she was doing something innocent, like alot of people on this comment feed thinks it’s innocent…But the attention and demanded interrogation wouldn’t have happened to white kids. I know everyone on here thinks what she did was simple and good, but that was also her moment to show up White woman #1, and her success of getting knowledge out of them, and solve their problem… it stroked her ego and made her feel like a good person…because if that’s not the case, why post pictures and tell the boys personal business, and make a PR moment out of it…
agreed…
http://agenberasmerah.com
Wow. In reading these comments I see people really don’t get it. From the moment these two young men were racially profiled, and YES that’s EXACTLY what happened, everything that happens afterward is akin to “fruit from a poison tree.” These two young men had every right to be left completely alone. This woman inserted herself into their lives uninvited, simply because of the color of their skin, and the presumption that because of it they must be up to no good. She then somehow justifies this profiling and subsequent intrusion by becoming their “savior” by giving them money, but not before self aggrandising herself and her self-defined “selfless” act by plastering herself and them all over so social media. Mind you, these are two minors whom she doesn’t have ANY parental permission to photograph and then distribute their likeness to what she knows full well is a national audience. EVERYTHING about this is so wrong! These two young men were profiled and subsequently exploited, all under the guise of the nice white lady attempting to help two less fortunate black boys who had incorrect assumptions made about them. If she really wanted to do something meaningful to help these young men she should have instead directly addressed her friends overt racism, that will cause them more pain and suffering during their lives than not having been able to attend this game. Point. Blank. Period.
Amen Christopher!!
Understanding racism is a peeling onion. This article took a couple of layers off for me.
“People see what they want to see.” You my dear friend have chosen to see only racism. You fail to see that even though she may have made those boys uncomfortable cos she was white, or maybe just cos she was older, she wasn’t challenging them. She was challenging her friend’s bias. We ALL have bias. ALL of us. Whether based on facts or not, bias is still bias. We are not going to wake up and find ourselves in utopia overnight. People are going to learn to challenge themselves in this way for things to change. Though not perfect, I commend her.
Don’t you think some nosy, old, black lady might have done the same thing?
A good deed is still a good deed, even if motivated by ignorance or attention-seeking. Maybe once good becomes the norm rather than the exception we should be more demanding. Take what you get.
Also, blog posts like this smack of the holier-than-thou attention-seeking they aim to decry. I bet this one got your blog a few views, eh?
This is an overreaction. Mrs. Tuohy is probably the type of Southern woman who would have spoken to two white boys in the same way.
I know many middle-aged women (both white and black) who would think nothing of sitting down at a table with two kids of any race to find out what’s going on and prodding them gently to talk. Her willingness to “confront” them was much more likely because of their youth than because of their race.
Posting the photograph and explanation may have been imprudent, but calling it racist is an unwarranted assumption.
Wow! Just wow! We can all do life better … everyday!!! That is why we need the cross of Jesus every moment. How exactly is this bloggers response any different than what she has accused Tuohy of doing? Who is name calling? How is this helpful in the dialogue of ongoing racial issues? I see this as more inflammatory than helpful. How do we know that Tuohy, a mom, did not see 2 teenagers unfairly accused and set out to get the story straight. There was a time when every mom on the block had an expectation of keeping an eye on all the kids she saw. A time when community gathered around one another. Tuohy may be perpetuating the white savior complex. Or she might be a nosy mom. Or she might be stuck in the middle. (Arent we all?) To grow in Christ is to grow more grace filled daily. If we want to hate, let’s hate the true enemy that is here to kill, steal and destroy. Let’s see how we can help those who want to do better, know better. Let’s see if we can be known for our love … not our judgment. We all need more Christ and less flesh/satan. *sigh* I’m just saying … until you have sat across from someone and heard their story, heard from their heart and seen evidence of their life journey … you can’t discern anything about another person. We are all more than our FB moments.
I’m literally TIRED of people always throwing race into something and trying to make it a valid argument with race. LIKE WTF. This last definitely exploited these young men to get likes and get brownie points on the internet with a pic But how did the events leading up to it become racist? The writer is racist for assuming all this about this woman. How do you know anything about her or her character that shows you shes racist or whatever. Catch a fucking grip JESUS.
I’m literally TIRED of people always throwing race into something and trying to make it a valid argument with race. LIKE WTF. This last definitely exploited these young men to get likes and get brownie points on the internet with a pic But how did the events leading up to it become racist? The writer is racist for assuming all this about this woman. How do you know anything about her or her character that shows you shes racist or whatever. Catch a fucking grip JESUS. And yes I’m black
Yeah, i am with you – having read some of the comments it definitely feels like it could go both ways but at the same time good intentions sometimes is not enough – i think i would have felt creeped out had someone sat at my table when i was a teenager etc etc – and using the kids to prove a point also doesn’t seem cool. so ja, i think you raised a bunch of helpful points in here – thank you.
brett fish
Some conversations about race on my blog: https://brettfish.wordpress.com/2014/04/11/taboo-topics-race
Eye opening article. As a white person I too can claim ignorance regarding how my actions would be received by a black person or persons, because I’m not black nor do I engage much with people in discussions about what it’s like to be black in our country. I think approaching this thing from a place of self-awared ignorance is a liberating approach and I’d urge others to do the same.
I will also say from a white persons perspective that I’m afraid of doing something racist (ie. wrong) out of ignorance. That’s a real fear I have to remember everyday. But I think about the trials and trauma, etc. Black people have had to endure simply for having Black skin, and I can “deal with it” more easily. Perhaps I’m ignorant or being somewhat racist for even comparing/linking those two things. I DONT KNOW 🙂
Why do you guys spend most your life judging people’s intentions? Who made you judges? Show me your license if you have one. If you don’t just stop twisting people’s motives.
God will judge everyone including your every hidden thought and deed, YOURS. The more you judge others, the more He will hold you accountable. Why don’t you worry about yourself.
I seriously think America has too many people who literally act like they know everything. News flash: you dont!
“Why do you guys spend most your life judging people’s intentions?”
No one’s saying anything about her intentions. Because her intentions don’t make any of what was written about her ACTIONS any less true. Her ‘intentions’ are just an additional detail, her ACTIONS is what’s relevant here.
I’m sorry that’s such a difficult concept to understand.
Here’s one for you: Instead of wasting your time and everyone else’s over what’s been written, why don’t you actually try to understand, reflect on and discuss the incident in question? And if you’re not interested, how about you just skip the comments instead of complaining about completely irrelevant stuff?
And keep your religious crap to yourself. Not everyone is convinced of some old bearded dude floating around in the clouds.
Thanks.
Spot on. Thanks for this.
I don’t think the author of this article read Tuohy’s caption right… She stated that THE PERSON WITH HER stated those kids were up to no good. So she basically went to prove that person wrong and that’s why she stated we need to stop profiling like the person that was with her did. I think it’s being misread therefore misjudged
First for you all mentioning that the article didn’t mention if her friend was white or not doesn’t matter. Black people profile each other as well. Just because you’re the same color doesn’t give you the right to profile someone. I do think her intentions were well but by posting her good deed screams an alternative motive. If she would have posted a picture of her friend explaining her profiling it would have been less offensive but still wrong for her to bother the two young men.
did the kids take the money?? Or, were they so offended that they refused it?
People just need to get a life other than criticizing and making a big deal over a simple incident when someone was obviously trying to do the right thing. Accept acts of kindness for what they are and do not over analyze or assume others intentions. You cannot get inside a person’s mind or know their motivation for taking actions. None of us were there to witness and hear the actual dialogue or observe how the individuals responded or reacted. This whole article is a total over reaction written by someone who has not come to terms with their own issues. There are other far more important issues in our society that need attention. Perhaps it would be more helpful to put our energy and compassion to address hunger, homelessness, physical and sexual abuse, crime victimization, our failing educational system, mental illness, and adequate healthcare for all.
Reblogged this on The Afrosoul Chronicles and commented:
Food for Thought…
Girl bye! If this were a set of White or Asian teenagers this article wouldn’t have been written. Everything isn’t racist. She made her friend look foolish. She’s a voice to help other White folks over that fence. And you going to go off on some tangent about how wrong this is. God comes in the form of a blessing in many ways. Now what would have happened if she didn’t come ask? Teenagers, no matter the color, steal. They sneak into things. I did it when I was younger. But those two boys got bus fare and popcorn money along with what they needed for the game. No stealing. No police encounter. So girl go on with this!
Can I just cry for a while? I do see a glimpse of good in her post, but my overwhelming feeling is just to bawl. The story is completely told through the eyes of white privilege, and you’re right–those guys were profiled and probably terrified as this woman confronted them for hanging out.
Thanks so much for pointing out all of the problems with the story. I just wish it wasn’t necessary. Forward… with love.
This article of fishing for racisim where there is none. And things like this are exactly while racisim will never ever die. As long as you reach to find it where there is none, it’s always going to be there.
This article just proves why racism will never die. As long as people look for it, you will find it whether true or not. I’m sure articles like this is exactly what Martin Luther King had in mind.
Clearly the person who wrote this knows nothing about the Tuohy’s or what kin of good people they really are. They go up to people all the time and do random acts of kindness. Do your research and read their book! They r not the movie actors!
I do feel that now in recent months with all of the cops killing young black men, white society downplays the seriousness of the situation. Making themselves feel better by buying a shoplifting father milk he’s stealing for his child or giving a child bus fare to get to a football game, granted, nice gesture,but who is the deed really being done for? In conclusion, black men are still being shot,choked, and killed by police in one instance even lynched… so until ALL of these senseless acts against young black men are ceased any ” good deeds” done by white society towards black society will always be questioned. Is the deed being done for the right reasons?
What about the many times I’ve been called an immigrant by the African American community? I was born in the community and raised there and they always assume that I have come from another country just because I’m latino. I have been labeled countless times and I always keep walking. Somehow, labeling not only happens for one race, but for all races