The Bronomicon

19 Dec

Do you often find yourself in need of the perfect portmanbro – that is to say, a portmanteau created by combining an existing word with the word bro? If so, I present you with the bronomicon* – a lexicon containing a selection of perfect bro terms. A lesson in brocution, if you will. Please feel free to add your own brophemisms in the comments.

Bro-down – A type of bro folk dance, or an event that has many bros in attendance.

Bro-Choice, Bro-Life – Bros who value the lives and well-being of other bros over literally everything else.

Brocrastination – Avoiding work by engaging in aggressively bro-like activities, such as cat-calling or shot-gunning a beer.

Broetry – The style of poetry composed by bros. Defined by Monica Lita Storss as “a gorgeous male tribalism that reaches deep through shared history and experience, to a place beyond the snap of a hot August cross-breeze and tilted beers.” (via @meghanlbell)

Brofessional – a bro that has pupated into a Suit (via @MaraWritesStuff)

Brogrammers – Computer programming bros; often seen tweeting stupid shit about ethics in games journalism.

Brogressives, Brocialists and Manarchists – the keffiyeh and horned rim glasses wearing bros who like to get involved with any and all social justice movements, if by “get involved” you mean “try their damnedest to take over”

Brohemians – Trust fund bros slumming it in cheap incense-stinking apartments, smoking weed and writing bad prose. Brohemians are often (though not always) white dudes with dreadlocks. (via @JonahPMix)

Brojolais – A bro’s favourite wine (via @oytamarind)

Broletariat – The horde of working class bros; can be shortened to “broles.”

Broligarchy – A form of power structure in which power effectively rests with a small number of bros, most often distinguished by the power of their bro-ness. (via @theskyisblack)

Bro-magnon – An un-evolved bro. A brototype of a bro. (via @RonArsenault)

Bromance – A beautiful romance between bros; not necessarily sexual, often just a meeting of the bro minds.

Bromarillion – An extensive, gratingly pretentious narrative about the origin of bros. (via @nataliezed)

Bromosexual – A bro who is exclusively attracted to other bros, whether he’s willing to admit it or not.

Bropocalypse – When the bros finally bring about the end times. Think Walking Dead, but with less zombies and more bros. (via @quaintmagazine)

Bropossum – An opossum who also happens to be a bro. The “bro” is silent. (via @theschwasound)

Brotesque – An adjective often used to describe something both horrible and bro-like. (via @SofiaSamatar)

Brotocracy – A political philosophy which holds that power should be invested in individuals almost exclusively according to their bro-ness. For example, the indie literary scene is a total brotocracy.

Brotographer – A sensitive bro with an eye for composition. Spends all of his money on film equipment; will lecture you for hours about what lenses he uses to achieve various effects. Boring as fuck. (via @OpheliaInWaders)

Brotox – A term for the form of toxic masculinity experienced by bros. (via @thesuncannon)

Broverdose – When you’ve had to endure too many bros. (via @LadySnarksalot)

Higgs Broson – Otherwise known as the “bro particle,” it is the elementary particle that proves the existence of a bro. (via @mgpcoe)

MacBook Bro – The preferred computer of the bro nation. (via @bicyclecomics)

Mangst – A special kind of angst specific to the modern white male; widely believed by modern white males to be the worst, most gnawing type of anxiety. (via @macomeau)

Famous bros:

Broseph Stalin

Napoleon Bronaparte

Brover Cleveland

Theodore Broosevelt

Manlet and Brophelia

Brometheus

*The term bronomicon is via @aproposnothing

3-The-Overly-Manly-Bro

20 Responses to “The Bronomicon”

  1. davidjhovsepian December 19, 2014 at 6:16 am #

    Broetry is my favorite

  2. tinyorc December 19, 2014 at 10:21 am #

    Brodysseus and the Brojan Horse!

  3. pseudoselfless December 19, 2014 at 11:22 am #

    Brougeoisie: the bros that dominate the so called middle classes!!

    • colin December 29, 2014 at 5:23 pm #

      and the brocialists who oppose them

      • pseudoselfless December 31, 2014 at 6:01 pm #

        Bloody Brocialists!!! Going around trying to share everything equally amongst their bros!!!

  4. pseudoselfless December 19, 2014 at 11:22 am #

    Reblogged this on pseudoselfless.

  5. Heather December 19, 2014 at 1:05 pm #

    Abropriation – the act of co-opting a cultural feature for use by a bro, or in a bro-like capacity. For example, a bro who has been, like, so influenced by the far east, bro, might wear mala beads and have a collection of Tibetan prayer flags in his dorm room.

  6. bobpage December 19, 2014 at 2:52 pm #

    Broverhead Press- The broest excersice, if only by virtue of its potential to cause massive cranial injury to true bros.

  7. christawojo December 19, 2014 at 3:40 pm #

    Bropossum. ROFL!

  8. Marisol Flores December 19, 2014 at 3:45 pm #

    Nice! Is there a chick version to this?

  9. mthew December 19, 2014 at 6:30 pm #

    When a bro kills a bro, it’s bromocide.

  10. queer girl December 19, 2014 at 7:40 pm #

    Breminism: bros who proudly wear a feminist label and spend a lot of time at parties explaining to the women in attendance that women are people too.

  11. Andrea December 19, 2014 at 11:30 pm #

    Dante Gabriel Brossetti, writer of much broetry and painter of women who all had his face.

    • bellejarblog December 20, 2014 at 1:06 am #

      OMGGGG BROSSETTI

      I am dying. Thank you for this.

      • Andrea December 20, 2014 at 5:47 pm #

        If only there was a bromoticon I could use to reply!

  12. nadiainherownworld December 21, 2014 at 10:42 pm #

    Brotential–when a dude has not yet reached true bro status, but could (probably after a few injections of Brotox)

  13. Danika Maia December 22, 2014 at 6:36 am #

    Hahaha the “Do you even lift” line is my favorite thing to throw into any situation. “Do you even cous cous?” when at a Mediterranean restaurant, for example.😛

    http://www.danikamaia.com

  14. allthoughtswork December 22, 2014 at 6:57 am #

    Bro: a truncated word for a truncated arch of maturity and wisdom. Alarmingly apropos.

  15. Michael December 24, 2014 at 9:43 pm #

    http://okay2disagree.blogspot.com/2014/12/police-body-cameras.html

    http://okay2disagree.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/armed-police-trigger-happy.html?m=1

    Just on amother subject. 5 hours ago another black teenager was shot and killed near Ferguson. I have an article called Trigger Happy Policing which gives my view’s on this and I believe further activities which may result. More details on the Link above :-

    Also a related topic

    Police Body Camaras

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. OUR SUNDAY LINKS : GUTS Canadian Feminist Magazine - December 22, 2014

    […] the Bronomicon (“a portmanteau created by combining an existing word with the word bro”) and […]

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