Leigh Anne “That Nice Woman Sandra Bullock Played In The Blind Side” Tuohy recently posted the following picture and caption on her Facebook and Instagram accounts:
“We see what we want! It’s the gospel truth! These two were literally huddled over in a corner table nose to nose and the person with me said “I bet they are up to no good” well you know me… I walked over, told them to scoot over. After 10 seconds of dead silence I said so whats happening at this table? I get nothing.. I then explained it was my store and they should spill it… They showed me their phones and they were texting friends trying to scrape up $3.00 each for the high school basketball game! Well they left with smiles, money for popcorn and bus fare. We have to STOP judging people and assuming and pigeon holing people! Don’t judge a book by its cover or however you’d like to express the sentiment! Accept others and stoping seeing what you want to see!!!”
The comments on both posts are full of people praising her – telling her how awesome she is, how open-minded, how kind. Reading these responses is completely baffling – like, did these people and I all read the same words?
Let’s break down what happened here:
1. Two teenagers were sitting alone and completely minding their own business.
2. A white woman decides that based on the fact that they are “huddled” in corner “nose to nose,” they must be “up to no good.” Because obviously whenever Black people (especially Black men) gather in public, it’s bad news for the rest of us!
3. Another white woman, one Leigh Anne “I Adopted A Black Boy So I Can’t Possibly Be Racist” Tuohy, decides that White Lady #1 is wrong. Which is actually the correct assumption for Ms. Tuohy to make, so I guess this is where some people are getting confused because we see that her intent is good, and that makes us want to believe that the action that follows will also be good. She’s at a crossroad here – two roads diverged, etc. Had she taken the road less travelled, Ms. Tuohy might have said to her friend, “Wow, you’re being really racist right now! I’m not comfortable with how this conversation is going.” Instead, she decided to confront the teenagers who, as a reminder, have done absolutely nothing wrong.
4. Leigh Anne Tuohy walks over to the two boys and sits there in silence. I’m sure that wasn’t scary for two Black teenagers at all, especially given recent events.
5. After what was certainly the most awkward ten seconds of those boys’ lives, Ms. Tuohy asks what’s “happening” at the table. Like, other than two teenagers sitting there talking like anyone sitting at a table might do? Some kids are hanging out and chatting. That is what’s happening.
Unsure of the correct answer to this question – other than “we are two friends sitting together and not causing any trouble,” which probably seemed too obvious for them to point out – the boys remain silent.
6. Leigh Anne tells them that this is her store and they need to “spill.” Again, these kids have done nothing except be in public and be Black.
7. After being interrogated by this woman, and probably afraid that at the very least she’s about the call the cops, the boys show her their phones. This part just breaks my brain, like, these two kids had to show this woman evidence that they are doing exactly what they seem to be doing: sitting at a table and having a conversation.
8. Apparently satisfied with the evidence the boys have presented her with, Leigh Anne Tuohy gives them bus fare and money for popcorn, but not before she has White Lady #1 take her picture with them.
9. Ms. Tuohy then posts this picture to social media and receives thousands of responses lauding her for being such a good person.
Leigh Anne Tuohy profiled two Black kids, invaded their privacy and interrogated them, but somehow people are behaving as if this is some kind of wonderful social justice moment. No. Not even a little. This is some fucked up racial profiling combined with white saviourism, and it is racist as hell. Assuming that those kids were doing something bad was racist. Assuming that she could take up space at their table was racist. Insisting that they talk to her was disrespectful and racist. Wanting evidence that they weren’t up to no good was racist. Treating those boys as props to make her look good and then posting this picture publicly (and honestly, I wonder if the boys consented to that) is incredibly racist.
Also, can we talk about how problematic using the phrase “don’t judge a book by its cover” is when it comes to talking about race? First of all, it begins with the assumption that the “cover” (or in this case, skin) tells you something unappealing about the contents of the book or person. It also implies that there is something unattractive or bad about the “cover” (or, again, skin). I can’t believe that I have to say this, but: there is nothing wrong or bad about Black skin. Black skin is not unpleasant or ugly, and to imply that dark skin might devalue someone is really, really fucked up.
Black people aren’t things. They don’t exist just so that white people can make a point about themselves. These are two real kids who not only had to endure this woman’s microaggressions but have now had their image splashed all over social media – the Facebook picture alone has 150,000 likes and over 12,000 shares. Step away for a hot second from this white woman’s narrative, and think about how those teenagers must feel – having their privacy invaded, having assumptions made about them based on their race, and now having a white woman use their images to get praise for herself.
Now tell me again about how Leigh Anne Tuohy did a good thing.
UPDATE:
One of the two teens involved has responded on Instagram (his name has been blurred out for privacy):
Person One aka Teen Leigh Anne Tuohy approached at KFC:
Yeah people don’t know what really happened because I actually had money I have a job and have had one for over a year I was gonna pay for my brother the other guy in the picture but he was insisting on waiting on his uncle but his phone was dying so we were charging it which is the reason we were in KFC in the first place.and the game was only a 3 min walk up the street I don’t see why she said bus fare that kinda ticked me off a little but the way she worded it is making us sound less fortunate and that isn’t the case at all & when she came over to us she never mentioned her initial reason was because of her friends comment im just now finding that out
Person Two:
May I ask how she asked for the photo?
Person One:
Yeah she never actually asked for it as she was handing us the money she was like “hey you know what I think this would be a great picture” and everyone with her was yeah totally so we just kinda went along with the situation like sure why not your Michael Oher’s mom but the whole time I was thinking you know why’d she come up to us in the first place I was still clueless up until she posted the picture on social media and stated “the person with me said I bet they’re up to no good.”
The Belle Jar 
I absolutely agree with this article for multiple reasons (many of which are too wordy to get into). I will start off by saying I DO NOT believe Leigh Anne meant harm or malice intent in any way throughout this ordeal. I actually believe she felt she was doing a great thing.. now let’s take a closer look.
To those who say she would have done the same thing if they were white.. While that is possible, we would never know. The fact is, it is highly unlikely that she would have even gone over there if they were white because her friend wouldn’t have thought they “looked suspicious” In the first place to signal her of it.
I am very thankful the situation turned out as positively as it did… However I can’t help but wonder how the situation would have played out if it were a black male (store owner) walking over to a table of two teenage white girls telling them to “scoot over”..
Leigh Anne didn’t ASK if she could join them or talk with them for a second. She INSISTED that they give her personal information and sat in awkward silence until they did. And therein lies the problem here. Can you imagine how uncomfortable those teenagers felt? A Complete adult stranger coming up to you asking a series of personal questions. What should the teens have done if they felt threatened?
Her Job wasn’t to go get evidence of the boys innocence for her friend, it should have been to confront her friend about her racial insecurities. The proof would come when the boys eventually left without any disturbance like the rest of their customers.
If she overheard them expressing their financial woes THEN offered help, that would be a completely different scenario, but she didn’t. This is like saying.. at a stoplight I come open your car door and ask you a series of questions which ends with me giving you gas money. Does that make it all okay??
Thoughts?!
I find that the second you attributed “race” to this topic, you made it about race. If there were no pictures and “basketball team” was changed to “hockey team”, would ANYONE have known that it was referring to two black teenagers?
You made the assumption that she approached them because they were black. How do you know? You made the assumption that she profiled them because she thought they were up to no good (once again, because they were black). The only way for that assumption to be true is that that non-black kids cannot possibly be up to no good—which is what you’re implying.
As many business owners of restaurants and stores would attest, you’re always looking out for trouble makers, typically people who are loitering, sitting close and whispering to each other. It has nothing to do with race or even age, yet you are adamant that you know exactly what was going on in her head when all this happened.
The fact that she went over to them, told them scoot over and then wait it out for an answer implies that she did not see them as a threat. She could possibly be trying to prove to her friend that there was nothing wrong going on. How come you didn’t come to that assumption? Right–it doesn’t further your agenda.
I don’t know if she’s racist or not. I do know that she knows what racism is. I know that she knows how black people live and the affects of racism on them. I don’t know anything about you so I won’t assume you know any more or less than what she knows. But I do think you are stretching the facts to your back your agenda about race and that in itself is despicable.
Wtf? If anyone sat down at my table like this, demanded information, saved me from my poverty woes, then wanted to take a smiling picture to show how open minded she is, well, letslet’s just say she would not have gotten past sitting demanding information. She also would have just lost my business and the business of any of my friends and family
Why people have to see everything with the eyes of race? Listen they are two teenagers siting in a corner…. sorry, but I would be suspicious even if they were blue! As an adult I would go and check it out just to make sure. I think it was her duty, especially because it was her shop. I have no problem with that. (ps. before you judge me, keep in mind that I’m black as well.)
Perhaps, she could have done the “human” thing. As owner of the store, simply served them as a customer and ask, How can I help you guys today. Everything going well. Let us know if you need anything and have a great day. Many of us try to be helpful to others. Help should not always come with an agenda or gospel point.
This is a well-written article. And it’s going to take thinking like this for there to be on improvement in this extremely racist society. This writer realize the backside to racism that most black people are blind to. Think deeper it’s not just the white lady being nice to you. I applaud the author of this article. It is extremely important to bring awareness to the mistreatment of people of African descent.
NEVER and I repeat NEVER Let a white person tell you that you are playing the race card, race baiting or keeping racism alive or trolling. NEVER LET THEM TELL YOU THIS. We need to bring as much awareness to the racial mistreatment that we are subject to as African people and people of African descent. They don’t want a change in the system they don’t get it because everything is good for them. They are telling you stop trying to make things better for yourself we like things the way they are. So never listen to someone who’s telling you not to defend your pride and honor. It is a bold face lie and I slap in the face to say that the majority of white people are not racist as hell towards black people. And they have slandered our image. Especially that of the Woman of African descent. Based on the way I am treated at work, when I go to the grocery store, by my racist blonde professor, there has to be a drastic change. PERIOD.
You just read the history you want, don’t you? Because what I see here is people obsessed with a stupid topic that is actually not a problem anymore, but miscarriages stupid people to generate a problem that didn’t exist. Go read the rest of the history, it happens again and again.
By the way, the use of capitals doesn’t give you the reason on a false statement.
People obsessed with a stupid topic? Systemic racism, racial profiling, etc are obliterated? WHEW! Glad you let me know. I certainly though African Americans being 21x more likely to be shot by police was indicative of a problem, but you let me know it’s all nonsense. Thanks! I’ll let all those racists on facebook know they’re healed, now.
Totally, totally agree. GREAT post.
I loved every minute of reading this article which assumes a woman was making assumptions and then slams her for assumptions we’re only assuming she made. Solid logic at work here. I don’t understand how this type of stuff gets freshly pressed.
At no point in her post does Leigh Ann state they were black, but that they were huddled together nose-to-nose, and for some reason, this was presumed as troublesome. Everyone just presumes that based on the picture and based on the recent events, it MUST mean it’s about race. For the record, I agree with the blog as far as how the kids would have been confused, but not that this is automatically about race.
Great point Pera. But let’s revisit the sole purpose Ms. Tuohy goes over to the boys’ table. Her friend says “I bet they are up to no good”. My question is what made them appear to be “up to no good”? Answer that question and you’ll have your answer of whether it was about race or not.
Me thinks the author is racist. There is no scenario on earth that can’t be scrutinized and found wrong or evil in the corrupt mind. Jesus (while making no charachter comparison) was condemned for healing the sick. I especially cringed at the “I adopted a black kid, I can’t be racist” quote. All too telling, when I’m sure the author them selves have probably never picked a person off of the street and brought them into their home…black or otherwise. It was her restaurant! If she wanted to approach her customers in her estaishment. She had the right. I probably would have asked them to make a purchase or kick rocks! The author feels that Leigh Anne should have given her prejudice friend a good telling off instead of showing her through compassion and plain old “big mama” communication she was wrong. The boys themselves probably had any preconceived notions changed for the good as a result of this very homely encounter. The author mentions their ethnicity at least six times throughout the article to thoroughly hammer home the obvious…she’s white and their black….because it matters right? O yeah and this comment is from someone who’s been beatin by the police and who’s youngest memory is of a cross being burned in his yard.
Thank you for your balanced and thoughtful comment.
Well said, I agree completely.
But race does matter, if it didn’t I would not detect the tone of defensiveness in your writing that I do. Whether we like it or not there are many well meaning people who are Caucasian who through their actions perpetuate negative stereotypes. Case in point Bob Geldof and that awful song he wrote about the African continent, which he peddles out every Christmas time to remain relevant. At some point we must inform people that they are using a whole group of people for their
own selfish purposes.
Reblogged this on As I see it and commented:
This is a great run down of how my fellow white people deal with race related situations. The first three letters of the word assumption comes to mind here and the comment, “My best friend is (insert minority of any kind here)” after making a really ignorant remark.
Reblogged this on Unwinding Thoughts.
To understand the race construct, you need to put in a little more time than reading one blog and inserting your two cents. There is so much history, social science, a ton of authors, essays and journals for well over 100 years or more on the subject. I love how some people think that it is just this casual, nonchalant discussion, like discussing what type of salad dressing for dinner tonight. So, I will not use the term racist since that is a trigger for some white americans folk, but I will say that those folks who are new to this conversation should read more of the history of race in america and how wealth and policy were shaped by it. Then spend some time with real world research and application.
The most embarrassing thing is how many people actually see this as a holy act performed by a white-woman-with-no-prejudice-at-all.
Funny, but she never mentioned race. You made it racial. Its whats wrong with this world. I see ANY two teens huddled together and think they are up to no good. We’re all so quick to judge. How is the finger pointing you are doing here any better.
exactly what I was thinking. I see two teenage boys huddled together whispering – I would think that they are up to no good. LOL Skin color has nothing to do with it. She acted like a caring, interfering grandmother. OK boys, what are you up to? The fact that she sat down with them and got them to open up, to me, indicates that she did not think they were up to anything major criminal. She would have asked them to leave if that were the case. Why does everything have to be about race? She may truly be color blind. I don’t know that. Just guessing. A tiny bit better than assuming.
Why she need to mention their race when she has a picture. Show is better than tell. Mentioning their race would’ve been redundant.
The lady if full of Sh*t
And I guess this is the worst kind of racism, cause it’s disguised in a kindness very-fake costume.
Or maybe it just is kindness.
Sure.
Reblogged this on 'Jess' So You Know.
Outcomes from this interaction:
1. Two kids who couldn’t afford to see a basketball game get to see a basketball game.
2. Woman shows acquaintance that you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.
3. Shares it with those who she can, either in order to promote herself or to promote above-the-line behaviour. Hopefully the latter.
4. Woman trying to do some good is accused of being a bad person.
Ultimately, if she didn’t do that, the only difference to the world would be that two kids didn’t get to see a game.
I haven’t seen many people accusing Tuohy of being a bad person or having bad intentions. Mostly people are saying what she did was stupid, insensitive, and/or narcissistic.
Let me repeat that: what she did. Not who she is.
THE BOYS HAD MONEY. ONE KID WAS WAITING ON A RELATIVE TO BRING MONEY. THEY DID NOT NEED HER MONEY.
The young man posted he has a job and had money for the game. So your statement is untrue. That’s an example of the writer’s point. The young men have been plastered across social media with Lynn Touhy’s false (even if well meaning) narrative and thus a stigma that they are somehow underprivileged and deserving of pity.
…then why did he accept the money?? He could have just politely said “thanks, but no thanks, I have a job and have money for the game, for both me and my bro and it’s not much of a walk from here”. This pic may have still happened because the working teen said in a radio interview that it was cool to meet the woman the movie he liked was about, but the rest of the story would have been a non-story. It’s not only white folks that need to learn and accept responsibility for their words & actions, but black folks who need to learn to decline offers for help that they aren’t desperate for.
That the narrative portrays a stigma the teens are somehow underprivileged that is being put out here is disingenuous when the pic clearly shows they are not. I would never assume that from what they were wearing and the fact they were charging cell phones (likely more expensive than what I carry, even). That’s what you and others want to read into it. It could very well just be that the woman appreciated the fact they recognized her (according to the radio interview of the working teen, his bro/homey recognized her first) and wanted to deconstruct the narrative in the other woman’s mind–just like she stated, and that she was simply being nice–whatever the case, the teens consented to the pic and felt at ease with the woman and all this was a non-story to them (by the working teen’s own admission) until the race-baiters got a hold of it and made it into one, thereby poisoning the well.
Reblogged this on These Are The Days.
You are 100% being a racist in your blog post. You are making assumptions about her actions and motives because she’s white, just like you are saying she’s making assumptions about those boys because they are black.
You don’t know her. And you weren’t present when this happened.
YOU are part of the race problem in America. Quit writing baseless, hypocritical garbage like this.
Amen! You wrote the comment I wished I was eloquent enough to write!
The way I see it most black people are not worth a dam…. I will say there are many good blacks, how many times do you see white people rioting, destroying their cities and towns when they get pissed off at the police?…..true is true…I am not at all racist as I am in a mixed race marriage…just call it as its played out over the years and of my observations….sorry if anyone thinks it wrong of me to point out the sad truth…
Lol. NO. Just because you’re in an interracial marriage doesn’t automatically make you “not racist.” The fact that you said a majority of a certain group of people are not worth a d*** because of their skin color absolutely and completely makes you racist. That’s like saying, “I’m not sexist because I’m a man and I married a woman.” No, you can absolutely swear “till death do you part” and still say/do/be racist (things).
You want the sad truth? Here’s the sad truth:
*1998 white people rioted in Denver because Broncos lost the Superbowl.
*2012 the white citizens of San Francisco decided the best way to celebrate The Giants winning the World series was by not one, BUT TWO shootings, a stabbing, and setting a transit bus on fire.
*2011 the wonderful white people of Pennsylvania overturned news vans, tore down lamp posts, and brawled with the police because Penn State fired the coach for letting the assistant coach get away with child sexual molestation.
*Google search Reasons Why White People Riot for more
White people destroy their cities because they’re pissed about football and you’re judging black people for protesting that #blacklivesmatter, that they want their kids to stop getting killed (read: Tamir Rice and Aiyana Jones), because they want their kids, their families, themselves to finally be given respect and not treated like third class citizens??
Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Yes! Thanks for doing the work on that one. Couldn’t scroll by.
Yes, black people learned to riot from Whites back in the day when black businesses, towns and offices were burned down by mobs (look up Black Wall Street). Not to mention large groups of lynch mobs. More recently, weve heard of large, rowdy protests in Western Europe over…raised tuition prices. They are not above acting out when things don’t go their way.
Also, when the U of MD Terps (my alma mater) finally won the NCAA Tournament for b-ball in 2002, they burned down parts of US 1. http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/sports/other/2002-04-09-fan-violence.htm
Predominately white school. So… you don’t know what you’re talking about, Toys.
That’s all bullshit, the damages done by the people after the football games did do damage, I will freely admit that but NOWHERE NEAR what all those scumbags did in Baltimore and Fergussen. The way I see it, it was just an excuse to loot the “mom and pop” businesses that most likely are barely making it month to month. Most of those businesses shut down forever because of the wanton looting of places that had NOTHING to do with riots. Inner city blacks are near worthless, they’ve been voting democrat for 6o years yet their still no better off. Look at every democrat controlled city in the US, Detroit, Chicago, DC, Oakland, Los Angeles….everyone of those cities are hell on earth of black crime. Black males having 10 kids with 5 different women, becoming welfare lifers. Obama is the one who made it even worse, even more blacks are welfare then ever before just to get their vote. I see no ambition, nothing that tells me they want things better. Most blacks I’ve seen aren’t worth a damn…so sick of you black people saying ANYTHING to justify the riots in Baltimore and Fergussen…oh by the way, I laughed my ass off when those same Fergussen rioters DEMANDED that the government rebuild what those scumbags destroyed or they will riot and loot some more….damned hood rats…
White people riot all the time. Look after major sports games (especially in Europe).
How can you say you are not racist, when your opening statement was “most blacks aren’t worth a dam”, as you see it?
All you have to do is watch the news, the plain and simple facts are that black people commit most of the crimes…its the truth, look it up[…I did to make sure before I posted…its not racist to tell my opinion that just happens to be the truth. You can be scared to say it here in this forum, but I am not….
How can you say you are not racist when your opening statement is “most blacks aren’t worth a dam”, as YOU see it?
How dare you. We are all entitled to an opinion, but I’ll be damned if you start saying we are all violent! At least we don’t riot when our football game looses, or when a Starbucks runs out of soymilk for your over priced latte. Oooh, I’m in a mixed race marriage (like that makes you any more wise). I’m a product of mixed race and I can still call you a fool.
White people riots are call wars and hate crimes. If you can recall history correctly recent and extend past, you know that black folks ain’t never did as much ruthless mess as whites.
Tell me truthfully…what crime happens more?….Black on White….or White on Black?….I know you know the answer…
Can’t believe anyone would have the audacity to say what you said. You ought to be deeply ashamed. You say you’re in a “mixed-race” marriage? I’m actually MIXED-RACE with a Black mother. Being in a marriage with a Black person doesn’t give you a pass to insult us. And yeah I say US because when you say these things about Black folks, you’re insulting our blood. You’re talking about our Black mamas, daddies, grandmothers, grandfathers.
These comments are so simplistic, easy and plain dumb.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1m-duSOZfE
toystoreyspot you really need to get a clue
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZPUDw_swxc
Without further investigation, you can not make a judgement as to mrs. Touy’s intent when going to sit with the teenagers. THAT is really bad fact finding… You are doing the exact same thing. Judging without all of the facts!
of blogger assumes the worst of Leigh thoughts and actions. Could she have been concerned that the boys had a problem. That they didn’t have the solution and didn’t think anyone would help them. She senses they have a need. Gets them to express their need and thus we have a happy ending. btw the one boy is wearing a cross. If she was thinking anything of any stereotype, it was that these were two Christian boys.
The lady lied about what happened. Dang, why isn’t that registering with her defenders.
Hello readers. Why is it that only white people are seen as saviors? Why can’t Black people be the saviors, (for themselves or for other people)? Seriously, do any people ever “run” to Black people for problem solving? I’ve been waiting to get that thought out of my head for some time now.
Thanks for the moderation.
Why is it that only white people are seen as racist?
Hello christasp2014; I don’t know if I’ll answer that question to your liking, but here goes. White people created the whole concept of ‘racism’ in order to justify slavery. We humans are of one race. The sad fact of the matter is, some white people don’t consider Black people to be human. Once again, to justify slavery and/or the second class treatment of other people.
I hope that helped.
Why is it that only white people are racist?
I think it ironic that Lee Tuohy’s opening statement is, “We see what we want,” after reading this blog post and many differing comments. How easy it is to judge other people’s lives.
the real question is whether or not she made the one on our right crack a smile and retake the photo, cuz he doesn’t look too happy to be a part of it.
100% agree. Thanks for writing.
there is good and bad in every race.this writer seems to be insinuating that all whites are racist which isn’t accurate.
Reblogged this on laru004's Blog.
Reblogged this on Crystal Ybarra – Hood Raised, Hood Made Prophet.
To spend so much time focusing on the idiom “don’t judge a book by its cover” is ridiculous. The figurative meaning is to not make a judgement about the inside of something by the outside. It has nothing to do with whether the outside is inherently good or bad. The same could be said when people assume an attractive woman with blonde hair and a large chest isn’t intelligent. No one would automatically jump to the conclusion that blonde hair is unappealing or unattractive. You are just the person the Tuohy was describing – seeing what you want to see.
Reblogged this on GetRealWithDarylandDeVon@.Wordpress.Com.
Reblogged this on Spirit In Action and commented:
Thank you for sharing this. I felt like there was something odd about the original story, but until I read your deconstruction of it, I could not articulate what it was.
Reblogged this on MrMilitantNegro™ and commented:
Absofuckinlutely on point with this post. I saw the movie Blind Side and I was the only one I know who saw it with me in the theater who saw the racist content. Bravo for you The Belle Jar.
Response from one of the teens
Thanks for posting and having us think about this, but I feel like the issue is much more nuanced than the writer of this post suggests. First, shouldn’t we give her the benefit of the doubt that she might have intended to merely prove her racist friend wrong? Granted, much of her following actions had a racist bent. And I think the writer is helpfully and insight-fully pointing out the error in her actions. But her intent might have been more reasonable than the writer assumes…. which in and of itself may be a racial judgment about her?. Would the writer have been equally critical of her if she had been black and done the same things? Second, saying that she somehow oppressed or abused the two young men, seems inconsistent with their demeanor and responses. To me, the most serious “sin” involves her subsequent “use” of the guys for the promotion of herself as “good”…..i.e, that seems like pure pride, and not so much racist.
Excellent!
I loved this post, that women made me cringe, who does she think she is. What an ego, a situation where there was no reason for her to even take any notice, this is hugely racist. Saying “spill it” does she think she’s cool, so embarrising. I hope she bloody learns from the fallout this should provoke.
this is a classic example of beneficient paternalism. The phenomenon occurs when someone of a higher social standing aassumes that the standing makes them wise enough or powerful enough to sucessfully run the lives of their social inferiors. Hopefully they assumes the parental role with good intent as they control how the lives of their lessers turn out. While the young black men are completely at the mercy of a white lady in a Southern suburb paternalists find ways in addition to race to control others.
Some believe the money they have made makes them better than others. Others rely on their family name or connections to control others. But in all cases they forget their paternalism is of the devil.
In Christ all people are equal for God is no respecter of persons. Even apostles and church leaders in books such as Acts and James were condemned for giving higher weight to the ideas of some and for despising those who were poor or badly dressedly.
In the South beneficent paternalism is how small groups of people have managed to retain social control, economic and political dominance, and their disrespect for people other than rich white folk. It. Is time to call them out and say that beneficent paternalism is not enough. We must all be one in christ.
That’s a really great point. Thank you.
This is not a ‘racism’ issue, this is a ‘desperate aging housewife trying to get attention whichever way possible’ issue.
We white people have to deal with these crazy bitches too, we are just better at it because we’ve had to deal with this since we were kids, and by the time we are the age of these boys, we’ve developed the ways to deflect these attempts.
“Sorry, ma’am, my grandma has cancer and my aunt was texting me the updates from the hospital. Thank you for being so proactive and caring”
” I would love to take a picture with you, but you understand – we need to go visit grandma :(”
OR
“I would love to take a picture with you, but you are really really hot, and my girlfriend will break up with me for sure if she sees a pic of us”
They should have just said “Hello, gorgeous” when she came to sit down with them, and she would have gotten her validation and left them alone 🙂
The incident is weird. Good post
Note to self: Never help out a couple of black kids and talk about it,
Please stop writing. This is terrible and you have now twisted an attempt to do something good into something bad with faulty logic. The fact that the entire point of the original post is to encourage others to stop assuming and judging other people, writing things like “White Lady #1” and “interrogated” have proven Mrs. Tuohy correct. Seriously, PLEASE stop writing.
Eh… maybe not
It feels unfair to call this race related. Sometimes ya really can tell someone is up to something. I can’t tell ya what happened, but at least giving another alternative it has been proven that folks have a sixth sense. There has been a collective unease before every major world tragedy ( say, 9/11) as proven by repeated spikes globally by random number generators, which are proven to respond to human concentration. No one quite knows why, but it could be subtle things we notice subconsciously. My point is, sometimes you can tell something is up. For example, last night a homeless man was hanging around my store. My manager is pulling off the lot and tells me to lock the door that he looks suspicious and seems to want inside now. I initially thought she was just paranoid, based on previous homeless experience. I had the door locked, but not before he entered. And I saw exactly what she meant. He watched me the entire time, and gave off a vibe of being up to no good. I usually don’t have a problem with someone coming in to warm up, it’s cold, but he seemed way too interested in what I was doing and it DID make me uncomfortable. I asked him if he was going to purchase something and then he left.
Can’t tell ya what happened, I wasn’t there. Was she in the right? Well… It’s her business. If something is up, is it not her duty to check it out? On top of that, this lady does something I wish more people would do: get in someone’s business’s. In the last month, I’ve seen so much hurt and betrayal because someone didn’t want to interfere. Could have warned someone, but chose to let them get screwed. Offending someone is not a crime (albeit what political correctness says). It’s okay to be human and connect to someone else, be it bexause you’re worried, protecting someone or something, or just because it’s the right thing. So in the right or in the wrong, at least this lady has the guts to interact.
There has to come a point, in the journey toward reconciliation in this country, where we stop focusing on the imperfection of an action. This situation is one in which to be gracious. Yes she was presumptuous and stuck her nose in their business, but how is that any different than the teachers we loved in school. They were the ones who got in our business and made it a point to treat us like their own. Her actions seem to be in keeping with her character and it would be an act of racism for her not to behave the way she normally would in this situation because these were two young men were black. Now granted, I have no idea if she would have behaved the same way had these boys been any race other than black or if her friend hadn’t made that comment. But that’s the point, I don’t know. Its unfair of me to assume I know what she would do based on my perception of her and the limited information I have on the situation. So, rather that pressuring we know anything about her character and become guilty of the very thing that frustrates us, I say… give the benefit of the doubt, because you really have no idea.
I never would have considered this. Thanks for sharing. It makes me rethink some things I thought were empowering. 😉
As a teen, I was impressed with adults were concerned with what I was doing, most of the time…. It was very rare that a stranger took the time to talk to me. I have been tossed out of stores for going in with a colored friend and that is far different that what that lady did. What she did what just what any sensible person to help teens grow up. Sometimes an honest conversation at the right time from a stranger who takes the time, changes the moment and maybe the teens life. If you are that hyper sensitive to color, maybe that is where racism really lies.
It would have been better if the lady was on a first name basis with those two teens, but she was not and she dealt with the situation is an acceptable way, but maybe not perfect. Maybe the teens were debating selling drugs for money so they could go to the game, and her innocent conversation changed their minds.
Why look at the situation from the terms of racism, If you strip out color, it is just a part of helping teens grow up. Sadly, very few adults take the time to really talk to teens and listen to them.
Reblogged this on aforeignnative.