Leigh Anne “That Nice Woman Sandra Bullock Played In The Blind Side” Tuohy recently posted the following picture and caption on her Facebook and Instagram accounts:
“We see what we want! It’s the gospel truth! These two were literally huddled over in a corner table nose to nose and the person with me said “I bet they are up to no good” well you know me… I walked over, told them to scoot over. After 10 seconds of dead silence I said so whats happening at this table? I get nothing.. I then explained it was my store and they should spill it… They showed me their phones and they were texting friends trying to scrape up $3.00 each for the high school basketball game! Well they left with smiles, money for popcorn and bus fare. We have to STOP judging people and assuming and pigeon holing people! Don’t judge a book by its cover or however you’d like to express the sentiment! Accept others and stoping seeing what you want to see!!!”
The comments on both posts are full of people praising her – telling her how awesome she is, how open-minded, how kind. Reading these responses is completely baffling – like, did these people and I all read the same words?
Let’s break down what happened here:
1. Two teenagers were sitting alone and completely minding their own business.
2. A white woman decides that based on the fact that they are “huddled” in corner “nose to nose,” they must be “up to no good.” Because obviously whenever Black people (especially Black men) gather in public, it’s bad news for the rest of us!
3. Another white woman, one Leigh Anne “I Adopted A Black Boy So I Can’t Possibly Be Racist” Tuohy, decides that White Lady #1 is wrong. Which is actually the correct assumption for Ms. Tuohy to make, so I guess this is where some people are getting confused because we see that her intent is good, and that makes us want to believe that the action that follows will also be good. She’s at a crossroad here – two roads diverged, etc. Had she taken the road less travelled, Ms. Tuohy might have said to her friend, “Wow, you’re being really racist right now! I’m not comfortable with how this conversation is going.” Instead, she decided to confront the teenagers who, as a reminder, have done absolutely nothing wrong.
4. Leigh Anne Tuohy walks over to the two boys and sits there in silence. I’m sure that wasn’t scary for two Black teenagers at all, especially given recent events.
5. After what was certainly the most awkward ten seconds of those boys’ lives, Ms. Tuohy asks what’s “happening” at the table. Like, other than two teenagers sitting there talking like anyone sitting at a table might do? Some kids are hanging out and chatting. That is what’s happening.
Unsure of the correct answer to this question – other than “we are two friends sitting together and not causing any trouble,” which probably seemed too obvious for them to point out – the boys remain silent.
6. Leigh Anne tells them that this is her store and they need to “spill.” Again, these kids have done nothing except be in public and be Black.
7. After being interrogated by this woman, and probably afraid that at the very least she’s about the call the cops, the boys show her their phones. This part just breaks my brain, like, these two kids had to show this woman evidence that they are doing exactly what they seem to be doing: sitting at a table and having a conversation.
8. Apparently satisfied with the evidence the boys have presented her with, Leigh Anne Tuohy gives them bus fare and money for popcorn, but not before she has White Lady #1 take her picture with them.
9. Ms. Tuohy then posts this picture to social media and receives thousands of responses lauding her for being such a good person.
Leigh Anne Tuohy profiled two Black kids, invaded their privacy and interrogated them, but somehow people are behaving as if this is some kind of wonderful social justice moment. No. Not even a little. This is some fucked up racial profiling combined with white saviourism, and it is racist as hell. Assuming that those kids were doing something bad was racist. Assuming that she could take up space at their table was racist. Insisting that they talk to her was disrespectful and racist. Wanting evidence that they weren’t up to no good was racist. Treating those boys as props to make her look good and then posting this picture publicly (and honestly, I wonder if the boys consented to that) is incredibly racist.
Also, can we talk about how problematic using the phrase “don’t judge a book by its cover” is when it comes to talking about race? First of all, it begins with the assumption that the “cover” (or in this case, skin) tells you something unappealing about the contents of the book or person. It also implies that there is something unattractive or bad about the “cover” (or, again, skin). I can’t believe that I have to say this, but: there is nothing wrong or bad about Black skin. Black skin is not unpleasant or ugly, and to imply that dark skin might devalue someone is really, really fucked up.
Black people aren’t things. They don’t exist just so that white people can make a point about themselves. These are two real kids who not only had to endure this woman’s microaggressions but have now had their image splashed all over social media – the Facebook picture alone has 150,000 likes and over 12,000 shares. Step away for a hot second from this white woman’s narrative, and think about how those teenagers must feel – having their privacy invaded, having assumptions made about them based on their race, and now having a white woman use their images to get praise for herself.
Now tell me again about how Leigh Anne Tuohy did a good thing.
UPDATE:
One of the two teens involved has responded on Instagram (his name has been blurred out for privacy):
Person One aka Teen Leigh Anne Tuohy approached at KFC:
Yeah people don’t know what really happened because I actually had money I have a job and have had one for over a year I was gonna pay for my brother the other guy in the picture but he was insisting on waiting on his uncle but his phone was dying so we were charging it which is the reason we were in KFC in the first place.and the game was only a 3 min walk up the street I don’t see why she said bus fare that kinda ticked me off a little but the way she worded it is making us sound less fortunate and that isn’t the case at all & when she came over to us she never mentioned her initial reason was because of her friends comment im just now finding that out
Person Two:
May I ask how she asked for the photo?
Person One:
Yeah she never actually asked for it as she was handing us the money she was like “hey you know what I think this would be a great picture” and everyone with her was yeah totally so we just kinda went along with the situation like sure why not your Michael Oher’s mom but the whole time I was thinking you know why’d she come up to us in the first place I was still clueless up until she posted the picture on social media and stated “the person with me said I bet they’re up to no good.”
The Belle Jar 
Thank you for this. Racism in all its glory. Gift-wrapped for the holidays. Feh.
Ten seconds of silence, not ten minutes. Your argument is otherwise sound but this discounts points 4 and 5 somewhat.
“After 10 seconds of dead silence I said so whats happening at this table?”
Ah, I see it’s already been corrected. Carry on.
The caption says it’s 10 seconds of silence, right? Still awful, just quicker!
i don’t disagree with your analysis but your facts seem confused. The story said 10 seconds of silence not the 10 minutes you describe in the story.
thanks for laying out just what makes this sort of thing so cringe worthy
Reblogged this on Tess Lundin and commented:
Is this woman for real?
I didn’t even “get” what the issue was in the first place…like why the hell would she be bothering these kids? But then…wow. HER store? Invading their space? They are teens – of course they were huddling. The misconceptions she made all these decisions all are ridiculous and disgusting. Man, I wonder what these kids parents are thinking about this. She is creepy and smarmy and manipulative and very, very wrong.
Thankyou for this post. I completely agree with you. It is so hard day after day to see people like this woman, taking advantage of the rights of others, in the name of philanthropy and good will.
This woman was making so many unfounded, and insidious assumptions in her decision to confront these boys. She invaded their space, co-erced them into sharing private information, condescended and patronised them, and then insisted on having a photo taken with them, which I’m sure they never realised would be so widely broadcasted.
It’s completely unacceptable behaviour, and even more so if you imagine the genders being switched. A male approaching two girls, insisting on sitting with them, demanding they talk to him, and then making them submit their phones to him would cause outrage… Making them accept money would be seen as a violation and the photo would have been banned and pulled down from the internet…
Thankyou again – great post xx
Well said! Thanks for the gender role shift! So true.
It’s literally her store. As in she owns it.
maybe teenagers get creeped out when an adult authority figure gets into their business, regardless of race? just a thought.
Certainly teens do. And we can blind ourselves with that fact. Or we can allow that race can add another level. We can acknowledge that in this case it did add another level since Leigh Anne clearly thinks her actions were fighting against racism. A little late now to try to divorce race from the question, yes?
Leigh Anne Tuohy, you posted this message and photo on Facebook in order to teach a lesson, but are you willing to learn? Are you open minded enough to acknowledge that your behavior may have been intrusive, intimidating and insulting? How do you think “these two” young men felt when the adult owner of the store approached their table and demanded that they “spill it”? They may have appreciated the few dollars that you gave them (since they are kids) but you better believe that they were also relieved that no further incident occurred. You used your position to intrude on their privacy and that is wrong. You invaded their privacy once again by posting their photo on social media along with your “good white lady” story. What would you have done if those young men chose not to talk to you and show you their phones? Would you have put them out of your store or call the police? Would you have posted that too? The problem with racism is that people refuse acknowledge their wrongs and they insist on imposing their faulty thinking unto others. The best teacher is one who is willing to learn.
Read the boys response and see if you feel the same
this is a great post i absolutely love it. racism is so ingrained in our white veins… i have faith however that we are gradually learning, changing and progressing
Is racism ingrained only in white veins like you say it is? I would beg to differ. All races have good and bad and all races have racists!
I agree with you, what I guess I didn’t explain is the notion of white supremecy– a power that the dominant group has that allows for racial segregation and prejudice to occur as it has done for many years, without many of us realising the ‘subtle’ things… particuarly in Australia anyway.
What a load of Rubbish Isabella! Thats from one Aussie to another!
But you know what? I’ll still “ride with you!”
“Racism is so ingrained in our white veins.” Well yeah, damn, just that statement there was pretty racist. First of all you’re implying that racism is somehow “ingrained” in white people automatically. Very racist comment.
This is why The Blind Side left a bad taste in my mouth.
Agreed. When I first watched it, I wasn’t well-versed in a lot of social justice stuff, but as a film student, I remember finishing the movie with a resounding, “meh.” I didn’t quite get what the big deal of the film was. It was a decently-made film, I suppose, but… it didn’t sit right with me either and I couldn’t figure out why.
I refused to watch it in the first place. I could smell the BS a mile away.
Wow. You twisted what Mrs. Tuohy said and did so far around that you end up being the one who is offensive. Why is it terrible to assume the best of others and then talk to them. She profiled no one. She was so sure they were good kids she talked to them and proved it. We could use more conversations between people. Her only sin is being very direct. But she has a heart of gold. The statement, “Leigh Anne “I Adopted A Black Boy So I Can’t Possibly Be Racist” Tuohy” is terribly offensive and unkind. Did you have something against her before this? Why be so rude, unkind, and hateful to a person trying to be part of the conversation and do good! Racist? The only good thing about your article is it spreads what Mrs Tuohy did for more to see. Mrs. Tuohy assumed the best about someone who was different and engaged in conversation with them. Pity you can’t do the same with her. We could use a few more conversations in restaurants.
You completely missed the point. Surprise, surprise.
Right. Your point was that she is a racist. Your point, and the point of the article, is stupid. Surprise surprise surprise.
No one was speaking to adynamofan, so adynamofan is a loser that needs to mind adynamofan’s business. After this comment, adynamofan will no longer receive any of my attention, so adynamofan will be speaking to adynamofan’s self from here on out.
The point is it wasn’t her business to go up to them period! If it had been 2 white boys do you think the first white lady would have said anything no! Secondly Leigh Anne wouldn’t have went up to them anyway… It’s about the assumption … Why the hell go up to someone and invade there space I wish some random person would just come up to me or my kids just bc they are talking amongst themselves quietly… My lawyer is on speed dial! It’s called white saviourism we don’t need to be saved by white people!
Lighten up Francis. If it had been two white boys…. Oh stop it. What planet are you from? Really? If it had been two white boys? Have you never seen two white boys loitering at a corner store before? Never? Ever? Ms. Tuohy wanted to show her judging friend that she was wrong. And she did just that, and helped these two kids out in the process. But you want to make it about race. Tell you what, if these kids’s mothers were with them, I doubt she would have approached them in the first place, so your whole point is irrelevant. Im glad your attorney is on speed dial. Good for you.
You are making an assumption that if the kids had been white, she wouldnt have approached them. I am making the assumption that if she had been black, this article wouldnt have been written.
Since when it is a bad thing to positively engage two people that are in your business. She was direct but polite. And she was “on their side.” She knew they were good kids. There is not a detailed transcript of the conversation, but from the outcome and the picture it seems all is well and they were happy to. It isn’t wrong to talk to other people. It is wrong to judge. Her point was valid and well made. Seem like nice boys.
She assumed they were up to no good. IT IS THE REASON SHE APPROACHED THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE. Would have she approached the kids if they were white? Imagine, as a teen, you were sitting at a table with a friend, minding your own business, and some strange lady insists on sitting down with you, stares at you for 10 seconds and tells you to “ok…spill it”. What in the world would you think? 1. She was nuts 2. She is offensive assuming you have something to hide when you don’t. Then she demands proof by invading your privacy and looking at your phones. AND THEN once you prove her wrong she wants to take a picture with you and assuages her damaged ego and pride by buying you off with tickets and a bus ride???
I think I agree. If “racism” today is unprovoked charity then I feel like we’re heading in the right direction.
i agree with you… the writer assumes she had a bossy demand.. sounds more like a conversation… to prove someone who might be acting racist wrong… had they been being bad maybe her intervention is what they would have needed at the time.. just wow on all this negativity for such a positive outcome.
No, she didn’t have to go talk to them. She could have simply said to white lady #1 that she was being offensive and they weren’t doing anything. Instead she decided to go prove that they weren’t doing anything. Secondly, she threatened the boys with using the term “her” store. They didn’t have to tell her jack shit. How would you feel if someone came up to you and your friend sat down at your table and didn’t say a word? She didn’t come up and say, “Hey you guys look conflicted. Need help with something?” or anything of like. She used intimation. Thirdly, she made these boys seem like a charity case. It reeks of “look at me I helped these poor black boys”
You can’t really believe this…. put yourself in those young mens shoes.
I’d argue that YOU’RE the one assuming a lot about Mrs. Tuohy. And someone can have good intent and still do a ton of harm. Good intent doesn’t absolve one of causing harm.
And she actually didn’t assume the best about those kids because she felt the need to hassle them and get proof they were good kids. If you think it’s a typical thing to be approached by a stranger in a restaurant when you’re quietly minding your business to be asked what you’re doing and being told to “spill,” then you need to think long and hard about the definition of harassment. If she’d truly felt these kids weren’t doing anything, she would’ve left them alone, not made them a statement for herself. She’s more interested in getting a pat on the back from fans than respecting other people’s space.
“Mrs. Tuohy assumed the best about someone who was different and engaged in conversation with them.”
Different…what was different about them. Tim, you missed the point. Why did she need to “assume” the best…it should have been a “given.” I get what she was trying to do and actually I don’t think she’s racist. I do however think that she needs to learn a little more about cultural sensitivity. She also needs to ask herself why she chose that route as opposed to just checking her friends.What did she gain by “proving her point?” When those boys are older, the too will get what she was trying to do but will still realize that the prevailing thought was that somehow there was something inherently wrong with them. You said it yourself. You called them different. So myy question for you is this…..what was “different” about two teenage boys sitting huddled together in a restaurant with their phones? Have you been to the mall lately? Hell….to the church for that matter (and yes I meant to say it like that). THAT is what teenagers do and it NOT a color thing….I see it across the board. So yeah….I’m still waiting for you tell me what was different?
Thank you Tim. I read this, noticed the OBVIOUS slant and feel the same.
Well said.
I absolutely agree. I don’t know anything about the author of this article, other than a friend posting it. After reading this, I wonder more about the author than Leigh Tuohy. Does she know anything about Mrs. Tuohy? Has she ever written a positive article on how Mrs. Tuohy helps kids? How is this author helping kids? If she has the time to write this article, I hope she has time to adopt, volunteer, donate, etc. to kids/families that need some help. As a teacher of 8 years in one of the most diverse school around Mpls…….I would go up to any teens that look like they are up to mischief and sit down and talk/joke with them. Even if I don’t know them at all. That’s how you build a rapport and connect……..instead of giving looks and/or just calling the police, etc. Just something to think about.
No. If she had ACTUALLY assumed the best about them, she’d have turned to her racist companion and said, “They’re fine. Stop being a racist twat.” and left the young men alone entirely. THAT is what you do if you are certain someone is not causing any trouble. OR, because you “own the place”, you approach respectfully and ask “How is everything? Can I get you anything else?” and then (this is the part she can’t seem to get right) you LEAVE THEM ALONE. No matter what else you do, you DO NOT take a picture of them, post it to social media, and post yourself on the back for giving them “money for popcorn” in the name of “teaching”. Ugh!
Hi Holly… of all the people to “pick on” I’ve picked you… meaning, my question for you is, doesn’t “twat” mean “pussy”? As in, is it really appropriate to call out the companion as a racist “twat” inferring that women are weak because vagina’s are weak? I’m just thinking that in this “teachable” moment that everyone has an opinion on, do we really need to put down twats or vaginas or whatever? Is it truly necessary to break everyone down because of this person or thee people? Anyhow… maybe it doesn’t matter. There are so many insults being flung at the author, no one appears reasonable. Thanks for considering my point or view…
It’s not terrible to assume to best of people. But as a person of colour, you know what’s really nice? When people don’t insist that I validate their assumption by providing “proof” of my decency. Unfortunately, it’s something that happens a lot.
There’s nothing wrong with engaging someone in conversation, should they be open to it. That’s not what Tuohy was doing. Based on her own description, the boys were huddled together. That typically indicates a private or intimate exchange. They were already in a conversation with each other and the people they were texting. Nowhere in her account of events does she say “excuse me” or “sorry to interrupt you,” or any of the other things you expect to hear when someone who doesn’t feel entitled to your time and space, interrupts you.
Imagine how most people would react in that situation. They come into an establishment, sit down and start chatting. The proprieter rocks up and is all, “Move over! So…what’s everyone talking about? You’d best tell me right now!” Most folks I know wouldn’t like that at all. Most folks I know would never go back to that place.
So, Tuohy didn’t think the boys were causing trouble. She was still very rude to them. And now folks everywhere are lauding her “tolerance” why? Because she didn’t throw these kids out or call the cops? Is the bar for racial acceptance really that low?
Get a life! See the love behind what she did. Has nothing to do with racism. I think YOU and others like you who look for race in everything are the true racists. Get the log out of your own eye!
i agree
Thank you Nadine. As another person of color I completely agree with you.
If we removed the element of race from this situation and distilled it down to a matter of common courtesy, we would see how incredibly rude and vaguely threatening this woman’s approach was. Adults do not stand for that type of behavior from other adults. I’m not sure why we’d expect a teenager to.
Tim Williams, are you familiar with the term “straw man fallacy”? It is when a person takes a small portion of an argument in the attempt to discredit the entire point that a person is making. You are focusing on a small portion of what this blogger has shared. Whether offensive or not, a person has a right to have a negative feeling/emotion if their personal rights are being violated and/or infringed upon. I have a pet. If I handle my pet inappropriately she lets me know by yelping or wiggling away from me. Are human being not much more able to voice their displeasure or discontent when something is mishandled? Also, did you take the time to reflect and understand the meaning behind this blog or were you set on “defending” the rights of someone who had all the rights anyway? Frankly, I am amazed that there is a TOTAL DISCONNECT in your mind that things could have been different if “assumptions” were not made in the first place. She may be starting a trend that will not be as receptive in other circles. To learn lessons one must be teachable or one will continue to walk blindly ignorant in and through life. Also, to the blogger, I wonder if she had parental consent to post photos since they are minors.
Tim, this is exactly how I read it, too. When I moved to Memphis in 2008, from Atlanta, the very first thing I realized was how GENERALLY speaking, black people did not talk to or trust white people at all. I was accustomed to walking down the street and speaking to people, making eye contact, saying hello. This behavior was NOT welcomed in Memphis, for the most part. I think it is wonderful when people of different races embrace the difficult wall that is up, especially in that city, and simply talk to one another. Also, it takes a village. She was just doing what she does – asking questions to make sure that everything is okay. It’s not condescending – it’s just one adult being conscientious of some young people. Just think what might have happened to Michael Oher (homeless, cold, lonely, mom was on drugs) if Mrs. Tuohy had not asked some questions and been a little nosy.
Now, multiply this occurrence maybe by one hundred million? Race, class, religion and the type of car you drive can get you in a whole world of shit!
I hate things like this, people do something “nice” to prove how awesome they are. She should have just told white women #1 to shut up when she thought the boys were up to no good.
I’m usually an attack dog on behavior that is racist but I don’t see it here. Maybe she’s a little pushy and a little intrusive but, as I recall, that’s how she ended up adopting a teen boy who was homeless and without anyone to help him get started in life. Many of us more polite folks would have hung back, not wanting to intrude on the boy’s privacy. She was trying to connect with these two boys as kids and then tried to show other people that, yeah, you can just go talk to kids, black or white, and it’s not a bad thing. It can actually be a good thing.
I agree with your post!.. She is totally sickening!!!..
I still can’t believe she thinks she’s not racist. Wow.
Wouldn’t it be nice to read this story with no reference to skin color. Everybody is micro analyzing. Many of the people commenting and author want everything to be black and white. Yes, some see only black and white, but that is not how everyone sees this story or the world around them. Reminds me of Al Sharpton, trying to make everything a black and white issue. Isn’t the goal to see people, not black or white?
In that case, she’s just a really annoying woman harrasing two teenage boys, then posting their pictures on social media. It gets creepier without the color actually. Color was referenced by both women, so this is likely how they see these boys, like it or not. I’m not sure if you’ve ever been in a place where you are visibly different than people around you, and someone approaches you precisely for that reason with questions. It’s not a fun situation to be in.
i wonder how these two boys feel about your article. ??? hhmm.
Good grief. Everyone is offended about how directly she spoke to these teens? Guess you better keep your precious lil pumpkins locked in their rooms, someone might not walk on eggshells when they speak to them and hurt their tender lil feelings! Oh and definitely do drag out racism and beat that dead horse again! Even tho it serves no purpose other than to further divide us! Race relations are worse than they’ve ever been in my lifetime, thank you media! I guess if we were all out in the streets battering each other bloody you media whores would be laughing all the way to the bank! Two white boys might just as easily been thought of as being “up to no good” by certain uptight people, ya know.
Wutlol.
EW, have you been living under a rock? I have a clearer grasp of how dangerous it is to be a young man of colour in the US than you do, and I live in Australia!!!
Sure as shit I would be keeping my precious lil pumpkins off the street if they were statistically more likely to be harassed by aggro law enforcement officers!!
Not to mention creepy, intrusive, middle-aged white women happy to use my kids to whore some more attention for herself.
Oh, you have a clear grasp of the danger? Fraid I’m going to have to call BS on that. The gangsters who live around the corner from me are A LOT scarier than the cops and the well meaning but kinda whack white women on this street, and everybody here knows it, black and white. But hey, come see for yourself! Then you’ll be more than happy to come live under my rock with me. Heh.
Way to go. Ignore what actually happened by whining about what could have (but didn’t) happen. Meryl Streep could have swept through for a 12-piece, but that’s beside the point.
You’ve done a brilliant job of deconstructing the horror of this situation. It is sad, at the least, that she & her devotees can’t see how backhanded this supposed good deed was – are they that blind to the discomfort on the one boy’s face? All I’m going to add is that I teach teenagers, they know me well and we’ve developed pretty solid rapport, sometimes I need to redirect misbehavior yet I STILL cannot imagine myself behaving in these arrogant, with any of them. It’s all so disrespectful.
OK, everything you’ve mentioned is correct. But, it’s what you don’t say that we need to talk about. Some lady gave two kids a couple of bucks so they could go to the game. They’re happy, she’s happy. Who gives a damn what color any of them are!?
T
It’s not that simple and happy-go-lucky… the young man opposed to it and Tuohy claims she’s a “nice white lady”, so I honestly don’t know.
You cannot trod over someone’s dignity by paying for the right. That’s called slavery.
are you fucking serious? This is what is wrong with racist white people? It would have been better if she shot them or called the cops and said two thugs are acting suspiciously. Hell no. She engaged with two teens. It’s what the fuck adults are supposed to do. Be there for children and help them out. It’s her fucking store too. She can do as she damn well pleases. She did it to prove a point to an actual racist asshole. And all you morons agreeing with her too, you are the God damn problem. Minorities and poor kids need more love and intervention in their life, not a bunch of selfrightious minding your own business looking the other way pansies.
Hahahahahah!!!
Wait, I am confused… who is self-righteous?
The key point here is that she engaged with them in an unquestionably disrespectful manner, purely to grandstand her POV.
And THEN – she posted it on FB presumably in order to roll in the sycophantic shit her groupies fling at her.
Remind me – who is looking the other way?
Oh yeah – one more thing: “she can do as she damn well pleases” says sooooooo much about self-entitlement and entrenched WASP privilege.
You seem so immature.. no need to swear that much. No wonder your name is Mr troll.
I have actually known a semi-celebrity half-white man (acted full white) who is a noted Left activist and seems very philanthropic. I was honoured to know until the day I saw what he was like when he was angry. The girlfriend and him had a fight and afterwards he made really racist comments about her like REALLY racist. She was from Indonesia or something and started saying mean things about her race and creed. Then he accused me of ruining his life when I told him and her to take a break as in not talk to each other for a while because well he was being so racist and rude I did not know what else to say. Well, they got back together so I didn’t ruin anything but apparently he said same things about me as I am Bangladeshi and not White. And also he has an tendency to somewhat “pick up” if not always (at times he does affiliate with others for his work or knowledge) of other races especially in the so-called Third Worlds than he has to do his activism in. And I wonder how being from a mixed background made him suddenly act like this. It was really a eye-pooping experience for me because I realized that there is an industry for philanthropy in this consumer-fetish world.
Well afterwards he did say sorry. So I am happy that he acknowledged that he was not being in the right mind. I am always happy to know that someone can change their perceptions. I am also happy that I allowed them that stage, as in listened to them, to know that change. Well, happy it worked out this way, I am happy that he is actually aware and is conscious and we both acknowledged the matter.
Reblogged this on Iconography ♠ Incomplete and commented:
This article is telling 😦
Um so what store is “her store?” We all know those juicy sweatpants-wearing women who love by nature to insert themselves into the business of teenagers — my high school drama teacher comes to mind — and its just that much more awkward that this lady thinks she’s the Erin Brokovich of race relations.
“she’s the Erin Brokovich of race relations” Brilliant
This article nails the problem. Hope it’s picked up by its star protagonist.
Yeah
She owns Taco Bell franchise in Memphis.
Not that it matters in the situation but she owns many fast food restaurants. That’s why she said that it’s her store.
Ah gotcha
KFC
I’m sure her intentions were pure. However I see some of the points you have raised. It is what it is. Racism is a complex thing to understand and people will get defensive when it is debated. If her intentions were pure then good for her. I can not judge without full facts. However one should encourage those who have good intentions about combating racism and offer positive suggestions if we believe they are going about in a wrong fashion recognising their efforts. I have written a post on my blog Racism or Oversensitivity.
http://okay2disagree.blogspot.co.uk/?m=0
This article talks about the two teenage boys privacy. I was raised in a very strict home and I was not privy to privacy. Unless it was my mother and fathers privacy. And it is her store isn’t it? She can talk to anyone she wants to in her store. Don’t you think?
Actually, no, the boys were entitled respect, and if she was genuinely interested in protecting their right to associate, she would have pleasantly pointed out to her ‘friend’ the assumptions being made, and left it at that.
As it is she is being a narcissistic control freak and deserves a slap with a clue-by-four.
Breakdown of #2: you’ve assumed the friend is 1. white. 2. female. 3. That the comment was made because they’re black. Fact is, we don’t know who the friend is nor do we know why they made that statement. Maybe the person has issue with teenagers in general.
I am a black male and while I mostly agree with your argument, I’m somewhat uncomfortable calling her actions racist and yet also disturbed by her comments of the two kids “being up to no good” because of their color. I think her intentions were self serving and gave her a great “look at what good thing I did for two young black kids” story to post and get accolades for, but the bigger picture is why the assumption in the first place? Her same reasoning for assuming that two black kids, who were minding their own business by the way, we’re probably up to know good was the exact same reasoning that George Zimmerman used when he saw Trayvon Martin, who was also minding his own business, walking home from the store and decided to follow him on a dark and rainy night with gun in tow and we know how that ended. The bigger question is why do certain people, when they see a black man or black kids they assume the worst and I believe this is because of the media which always seem to prop up and show blacks in the most negative light.
This is a great comment – actually for some reason it made me think of the ‘glass half-full’ conundrum, but with that edge of danger present….
She reminds me of the mayor’s wife in The Color Purple.
Remove all color from this. Would it then be a problem? If it was two black women and the black kids….or if the women approached two white kids instead? Why is everything always have to be offensive and racist? Why can’t people just lose their attitudes and coexist?
It would all be offensive either way, I would say. Nobody wants some stranger talking to them like that, store owner or not. But you can’t just blow the inference of color away.. if there hasn’t been black man after black man after black man killed by ALL white men when they were, for the most part innocent as well? That’s when things get a bit sensitive, and yes that makes sense. Since there’s a trail of racism if a white person confronts a black person (or people) in the way she did, which was disrespectful and a bit aggressive, problems are going to occur. Rather than complaining “UGHH stop making it about color!” and I know you didn’t necessarily complain, maybe think a little about the situation. Everyone won’t be cool and eat a sandwich or something after all these aggressive actions appeared again and again and again. That would be just plain disrespectful. I’m not saying to then riot brutally, but OF COURSE things wouldn’t get back to normal. It really affects us black people, you know. It doesn’t affect you, but affects us. That’s all I have to say.
Worst commentary I’ve read since this whole thing started. You take a look in the mirror and see if you are judging. Why is this a thing? People need to stop making things out of nothing. I’m sure these two young men were terrified of her…lol…please they look terrified. Stop with your sensationalism. I get what you are trying to say, but just stop…
I don’t believe this was an act of arrogance more than an act of racism
The very people calling this woman racist are exhibiting such racism and judgment that is is amazing…and they don’t even seem to know it. No wonder people can’t come together..everyone thinks THEIR racism is ok.
Yep! Iagree
http://okay2disagree.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/racism-or-oversensitivity.html?m=1
I’m sure her intentions were pure. However I see some of the points you have raised. It is what it is. Racism is a complex thing to understand and people will get defensive when it is debated. If her intentions were pure then good for her. I can not judge without full facts. However one should encourage those who have good intentions about combating racism and offer positive suggestions if we believe they are going about in a wrong fashion recognising their efforts. I have written a post on my blog Racism or Oversensitivity.
http://okay2disagree.blogspot.co.uk/?m=0
I know Internet research isn’t the strong suit of Internet users, but a simple read of her Wikipedia profile says that Tuohy and her husband own many fast food establishments. Judging by the decor, I would assume she owns the restaurant and that’s why it’s “her store.” All the people who are outraged and shouting “what makes it her store???” – money. Money makes it her store because she paid to own it. Ease up. The owner of a business has every right to approach kids loitering and not spending money to find out what’s up. I was once a teenager and used to get the side eye all the time if I was in a store not buying stuff. It’s part of life for teenagers. Also – you can put this article up there so that Ms, Tuohy is “educated” and stops with her latent racism, but all you’ve effectively done is silence one of the few white women in the Deep South who gives two sh*ts about the lives of black people. Is her attitudes or approach perfect? Nah. But at least she’s trying to get her peers to open their eyes and quit making assumptions. Her compatriots down there (think Paula Dean) would rather just throw some white gloves on black men and tell them to speak like servants. So I’ll take her approach over the status quo any day and shaming her isn’t going to help the cause of ending racism.
In addition to the racism and white saviorism, ageism adds another layer. Adults regularly feel entitled to invading youths’ boundaries, and demanding explanations for things, like their right to exist.
Seems to me you all are doing exactly what you are accusing her of. Being judgmental. None of you were there. You have no idea her intentions or exactly what happened and in what context.
Reblogged this on Musings Of A Beckles and commented:
RIGHT ON
Reblogged this on chez [rebellion] and commented:
on point.
So what happens when I, as a Black woman, does the same thing? I just kept asking myself that question as I read this article, because I have approached young brothers a lot, giving them advice, sometimes money that I don’t have, and encouraging them. I don’t assume the best about anyone, no matter what race, because criminals come in all colors.
I’m not sure that I agree or disagree with your article. I just keep thinking about the alternative.
I think that this is probably the wisest route to take, and I appreciate this point of view. The thing that is lacking in most opinions is the knowledge of the intent behind people’s actions. We can all make our assumptions about what we think is right or wrong about other’s actions, but there is no way of knowing for sure. I think it is important to view all situations with the notion that we do not specifically know why people have done the things they do. We can appreciate the kindness, and leave the rest up to the people involved. As you said, it’s hard to full on agree or disagree with things like this. I just feel that we should use this and apply it to how we choose to live. Being accountable for our actions will speak louder in the long run.
These days, you are damned if you do something in the name of concern and love and caring for another human being. If the kids had been white, this would not be a story. Get a life people and show love to ALL people-love is not racist!
But why take the picture?
Also to add, because these kids are in high school (assuming so because they were looking to go to a basketball game), she was taking a photo of minors without parental consent. And then taking that one step further in the evasion of privacy posting it online to public social sites. Even if the kids weren’t minors, even as young men I’m sure they didn’t want their picture posted all over the internet.
Talk about privilege. Treating black bodies like property that she can photograph and ignore real consent laws. If these were her kids, I’m guessing the photographer would have been sued three times over by now.
I will never understand why people insist on jumping to conclusions about EVERYTHING. How do we know she’s not just one of those overly nosy people that butts into stranger’s lives all the time? I’ve known so many people that would do this kind of thing regardless of a person’s race. Some people just don’t understand personal boundaries, and can’t mind their own business.
Where does it say that her friend was another white lady?? That’s a racist assumption!
…and also be depicted as charity cases! You forgot to add that one. Of course black boys don’t have money, right? Because they have to be poor. There can’t be any other reason they don’t have money on them. Who knows? Maybe they didn’t have money for the game because their parents didn’t want them to go to the game. Maybe they had an exam the next day and their parents didn’t want them out late. Maybe they had a paper to finish. Maybe they’re grounded. Maybe the boys parents feel a bad crowd will be at the game. Now she’s going against parenting decisions she knows nothing about. It doesn’t even occur to her, they may not have money for a reason other than being poor!
If I were those boys parents I’d be PISSED!! Making my kids look like they’re poor kids.
That’s a racist assumption.
Uuuuggghh!
Agreed. I’m sure she felt obligated to ‘prove’ to the first woman that the young men were not “up to no good” but did she have to sit herself down uninvited and hassle them to do it? I’m gonna say no. I can’t imagine how my teenage son would react to some strange person sitting down at his table and demanding that he ‘spill’. She should have just told the first woman to get over herself and stop with the racial profiling.
The fact that so many comments choose to focus on the ten seconds / ten minutes says everything we need to know about privilege and racism and denial.
Thank you for showing me a different viewpoint on that interaction.
I actually hadn’t seen anything about this until reading your article.
May I explain my first reaction? I used to own a very small bar/cafe, mostly frequented by regulars. ( people I knew from seeing them frequently.) If two young people I did not know came in, did not order anything, and sat “huddled nose to nose”, I would have done something similar. ( skin colour irrelevant)
Actually, I am not sure age would matter either.
True, I would have skipped the picture/post.
There is a school of thought that says we all have a certain level of ” fear of the other “, people we see as different from ourselves. Age, skin colour, religion, even gender. Some people go with the fear, and some people fight against it.
I think Ms Tuohy fights against it.
Her approach may leave something to be desired, but , given where she was raised and lives….
I don’t know her. I don’t live there. I don’t experience life as a person of colour. I can see, thanks to your explanation, how that might have felt to those two young men.
Good intentions aren’t always enough of a guide to behaviour.
Thanks again for a window into a different reality.
I get the feeling that she would have treated ANY teenagers the same way. She is a “in your face, your business is my business” kind of person. For that reason I find her offensive.