High Tech Panties Won’t Stop Rape

28 Oct

There is currently an Indiegogo campaign created by AR Wear for a line that they call Anti-Rape Clothing. These garments, which include a pair of boy-cut brief-style panties, running shorts, leggings and “travelling shorts,” are allegedly designed and built to be unremovable except by the owner, who has some sort of key to release the locking mechanism on the waistband. Basically they act as a chastity belt, although of course we are not supposed to think of them as chastity belts. AR Wear wants us to believe that this is some sort of modern innovation, and not just a contemporary twist on an outdated garment meant to oppress and subjugate women. In fact, AR Wear wants us to believe that the opposite is true – that their anti-rape wear will actually empower women and offer them some sort of freedom that they might have been lacking.

Let’s get a few things straight:

Perpetuating the myth that rape is preventable or avoidable by anyone other than the rapist is not empowering.

Giving society one more reason to blame rape victims for their rape is not empowering.

Continuing to embrace the idea that rape has something to do with what kind of clothing you are wearing (or not wearing) is not empowering.

Nothing about this product is empowering, except maybe for rapists.

There is already a long list of things that women shouldn’t do if they don’t want to be raped – they shouldn’t wear revealing clothing, shouldn’t go out at night alone, shouldn’t drink, shouldn’t talk to strangers, shouldn’t trust men, any men, not even men they know. Really, the end game of all rape prevention advice is that women should stay at home, alone, in a locked house, but even that scheme isn’t 100% foolproof. There is no actual way for a woman to prevent being raped.

And yes, I’ve heard all the rhetoric about mitigating risks and being more careful, most of which boils down to telling women not to do one or all of the things listed above. One analogy that people often use is the seatbelt metaphor – that you wouldn’t drive without wearing a seatbelt, even if you are a good driver. The idea is that we all make choices every day to make our lives safer, and telling women not to indulge in risky behaviour like wearing a cute dress or going for a run alone is no different than telling someone to put on their seatbelt when they get in their car.

Except that car accidents are accidents. People don’t rear-end you on purpose. You don’t drive into a fence on purpose. You don’t skid off the road on purpose. These are things that happen by accident. Rape is not in any way comparable to a car crash. Rape is a violent crime committed by a rapist. Rape is done with the intention to rape.

I feel like I shouldn’t even have to say this, but I’ll say it anyway:

Rape is not an accident that happens to you because you didn’t take enough precautions or because you weren’t paying close enough attention. Rape is a deliberate choice for violence and harm made by another person.

AR Wear’s Anti-Rape clothing does little more than offer society one more reason to blame rape victims for their rape. It gives people the chance to say, “Well, if only she’d been wearing those special panties, this wouldn’t have happened.” This falls in line with the same old victim-blaming mentality of, “If only she’d been dressed differently, if only she hadn’t been drinking, if only she’d screamed or kicked or fought harder.” It’s all part of the same culture that still puts the responsibility on women not to be raped. It’s the same culture that says, “Of course rape is wrong, and of course what he did was terrible, but.”

There should never, ever be a but.

It also bears mentioning that idea behind this clothing operates off the assumption that most rapists are strangers, who attack women in dark alleys late at night, when actually the opposite is true – most rapists are acquaintances with, or even romantic partners of, the victim. So what would happen if a woman did have AR Wear’s Anti-Rape clothing on, removed said clothing of her own volition, and then was raped? It would be so unbelievably easy for a judge to rule that it couldn’t possibly have been rape, because the victim chose to take off her own protective clothing.

And what happens if a would-be rapist becomes frustrated trying to remove the Anti-Rape panties? Doesn’t it seem likely that rather than stopping a rapist cold, it might incite them to other forms of violence?

This clothing does not make women less vulnerable to the threat of rape. Not really. It just seeks to make a profit off of a deep and very legitimate fear that almost every woman has. And the reality of the situation is that this product does not, as the Indiegogo campaign claims, give women “more power to control the outcome of a sexual assault.” It is unbelievably damaging and ignorant to say that victims of sexual assault could have had more power to control the outcome of what happened to them. This is victim-blaming, pure and simple.

The only person who has the power to control the outcome of rape is the rapist.

The only person who can prevent rape is the rapist.

The only person responsible for rape is the rapist.

I don’t know how many more times this has to be said until it is properly understood.

AR Wear's Anti-Rape Clothing

AR Wear’s Anti-Rape Clothing

165 Responses to “High Tech Panties Won’t Stop Rape”

  1. Pelelotus October 28, 2013 at 4:56 pm #

    What if someone uses a knife to remove these shorts? This sounds like nonsense, and will not make an iota of difference in stopping rape!

  2. E October 28, 2013 at 5:01 pm #

    Well said! It’s amazing that still, today, we need to remind people that the people responsible for rape are the rapists. Period.

  3. Amanda Martin (writermummy) October 28, 2013 at 5:01 pm #

    It also assumes that rape is the only form of sexual assault. As my daughter would say, “bonkers.” Great article, keep fighting, some of us are listening.

  4. Burns the Fire October 28, 2013 at 5:02 pm #

    Thank you for keeping your cool to find the exact words.

    • Jennie Saia October 28, 2013 at 5:39 pm #

      Yes, you said it all perfectly – thank you, as that’s not easy to do. This is one of those cases when I myself can only offer a less-than-mighty “RRRRRRRGHHHH!” of frustration.

  5. thefaithfulphilosophe October 28, 2013 at 5:02 pm #

    Great post! I had not heard about this line of clothing–which is disturbing to say the least. How about they strap ’em on men to stop the potential temptation for them to rape?

    • earthedangel October 28, 2013 at 5:08 pm #

      Indeed! “Can only be removed by someone ELSE.”

  6. earthedangel October 28, 2013 at 5:11 pm #

    Even if they worked perfectly, even if the only kind of rape was stranger-in-the-alley rape, all it would take was the presence or threat of harm (fists, sharp object, gun) to get the victim to remove them. Or the rapist would rape the person’s mouth instead.
    Ugh. Ineffective. Insulting. Dangerous, for the false sense of security they give, and the contribution to victim-blaming they provide.

  7. kristinmh October 28, 2013 at 5:16 pm #

    They also look incredibly uncomfortable. I have a feeling that these will be used mainly as fetish wear… there are lots of kinky possibilities! But imagine wearing them every day!

    • blah October 28, 2013 at 7:24 pm #

      “They also look incredibly uncomfortable. ”
      thats what i think when i see anyone wearing tight shorts or pants

    • bellejarblog October 29, 2013 at 2:15 am #

      Hmmm I hadn’t thought of the fetish possibilities, but you’re right! Clearly that was the market they should have been designed for!

  8. JackieP October 28, 2013 at 5:18 pm #

    How about instead of making clothes for women to ‘stop rape’ we make them for men? How would they feel if they had to wear a chastity belt? Have to pee? Sorry, that’s what catheters are for. Feel violated? Sorry, it’s for your own safety. Feel inferior? Sorry, it’s for your own good. What most people seem to forget is that rape is NOT about sex! It’s about control, it’s about humilation. It’s about pain. It is NOT about sex. I think this line of clothing is utter nonsense and a slap in the face of all women. They should be absolutely ashamed of themselves for even putting this garbage out there. The only difference this clothing will make is more women will get killed, instead of raped, because the rapist is so damn angry and frustrated. Stupid stupid stupid.

    • Chelsea Raine October 28, 2013 at 7:00 pm #

      YEP YEP YEP this x 1,000

      • JackieP October 28, 2013 at 7:07 pm #

        Thank you. It just made me livid.

  9. unsolicitedtidbits October 28, 2013 at 5:29 pm #

    Bravo! It’s a shame that the nature of rape needs to be clarified.

  10. Honore October 28, 2013 at 5:31 pm #

    Sigh, already been said but all I kept picturing was a livid son of a fuck raping someones mouth if they were trying to assault someone and the victim was wearing these.

  11. M. Lak October 28, 2013 at 5:39 pm #

    Apart from the obvious fact that this article makes some excellent points, the line that stood out in particular for me was this:

    “It just seeks to make a profit off of a deep and very legitimate fear that almost every woman has.”

    I cannot describe how deep this fear runs for me. As a victim of sexual abuse when I was just seven years old (at the hands of a paternal uncle), and now a woman who lives in a severely unstable, crime-riddled city (Karachi) and often finds herself travelling alone in order to get to work and back, I often find myself wondering whether it is just a question of when I will get raped, rather than if. I would not say that this fear is crippling; it does not stop me from going out or to work, but it is the stuff my very frequent nightmares are made of. And then these STUPID PANTIES come along and just seem to make a mockery of my fears. Of course it’s all just another way to blame the victims of rape and sexual abuse. One shouldn’t even need to spell it out like Anne had to.

  12. DeCaf October 28, 2013 at 5:44 pm #

    These type of things are well-meaning but pointless. Rapists sometimes carry weapons and if threatened with death, well, the wearer can (and likely will) take them off.

  13. Sofia Leo October 28, 2013 at 5:54 pm #

    This makes me so mad! And men like the jerks over at A Voice For Men say we’re living in a matriarchal society! And they lament that women are afraid of or angry at men. I can’t tell you how sick I am about the mixed messages women are subject to in this supposedly enlightened age. Gaaaahhhhhhhh!

  14. Ari October 28, 2013 at 6:04 pm #

    Yes. The concept is intensely problematic. I’m honestly also confused by the science: they specifically call out usefulness in the case of being drunkenly passed out, but…you’ve got to have the key on you, right? If you ever want to pee, ever again? So the key is there with you? And…isn’t the key also with you if you’re conscious? I’m perplexed by the idea of a rapist who attempts to cut one’s underwear off, fails, and doesn’t then just use threat and force to get their victim to remove the offending garment themselves.

  15. overlookedonlookers October 28, 2013 at 6:22 pm #

    Yes, a million times. When will people stop trying to come up with more and more convoluted ideas trying to get women to prevent rape? And now we’re back to the middle ages and chastity belts? Ridiculous.

  16. Jennifer K October 28, 2013 at 6:46 pm #

    Wow. Just wow. Such a well-written and thorough argument. You said it all. Thank you.

  17. Chelsea Raine October 28, 2013 at 6:56 pm #

    This is bullshit… there are other orifices through which to rape someone. Do I REALLY need to go into detail here? And even if the rapist somehow was totally stymied and like “Crap, well, she’s got these panties on, NOW what,” they could still assault/kill the individual.

    Whoever made these… smdh. The person who made these clearly has never been face to face with a rapist. (Not that I think anyone should be… but if the whole rape was our fault to begin with, ‘if only’ we’d done x y z, then shouldnt we be capable enough to think of comprehensive rape prevention in the future?)

    I mean go ahead and do what you want entrepreneurs, but market it as something else. I am so fucking tired of the fact that this conversation even needs to be had.

  18. blah October 28, 2013 at 7:22 pm #

    “Rape is not an accident that happens to you because you didn’t take enough precautions or because you weren’t paying close enough attention. Rape is a deliberate choice for violence and harm made by another person.”

    And a car accident is? Hmm guess we don’t need insurance then. If we just pay attention to the road, no accidents will EVER happen.

  19. Helena Hann-Basquiat October 28, 2013 at 8:13 pm #

    I don’t even… you made all the right points, darling, there’s nothing I can add here. This kind of thing just makes me want to cry with anger.

  20. Sofia Leo October 28, 2013 at 8:28 pm #

    Reblogged this on I Won't Take It and commented:
    Srsly? There are idiots out there in this day and age who don’t understand that rape is not about sex but about power? Do they not understand that a man is going to rape a woman because he feels entitled to rape her and clothes DO NOT matter? Are there women who will buy this crap because it somehow makes them “safe?” WTF is up with people?

    Go visit The Belle Jar for a much more coherent rant about this new line of undergarments. I just have no words. Well, three words – Hell In Handbasket.

  21. Timothy October 28, 2013 at 8:41 pm #

    I agree apart from the statement of not trusting Men, surely generalizing a few individuals on an entire gender is wrong? Doesn’t that lead society down the stereotype road.. All feminists are lesbians, All terrorists are Muslim etc. Which are all wrong, ridiculous and down right ignorant .

    • Stephanie October 29, 2013 at 12:48 am #

      Yes, that is the point. Telling women to “be more cautious” around men is saying “don’t trust men, at all. they’ll all rape you and if they do it’s becuase you let your guard down.” It’s telling women to fear men and telling men that they need to be feared.

    • bellejarblog October 29, 2013 at 2:20 am #

      Yeah, as Stephanie said, that was kind of my point. The end-game of all these “rape prevention tips” is not to trust any men or ever leave your house, which is just so wrong on so many levels.

  22. Muddy River Muse October 28, 2013 at 9:37 pm #

    You are absolutely 100% dead-on with this post. Kudos. I’m reblogging this on Facebook becuase I have FB friends who would appreciate you sane logic.

  23. Hinson Calabrese October 28, 2013 at 9:46 pm #

    I think AR-Wear is a satire.

  24. Rosie October 28, 2013 at 10:20 pm #

    Reblogged this on FEMBORG.

  25. Lysa October 28, 2013 at 10:30 pm #

    really amazing blog. I cannot believe that someone(s) came up with this idea. Whatever is our world coming to? Crazy. I just contact AR Wear and gave them my blast. Wow, simply WOW – no words

  26. Jessica October 28, 2013 at 11:28 pm #

    That’s crazy. I couldn’t agree more.

  27. sosayselizabeth October 28, 2013 at 11:29 pm #

    Reblogged this on Curiouser and Curiouser (an inquisitve woman) and commented:
    So, so, so well said.

  28. mandaray October 29, 2013 at 12:41 am #

    Reblogged this on Note To Self.

  29. Laura Lynn October 29, 2013 at 12:44 am #

    God, people are so strange. Why would anyone in their right mind think of these as protection? You have it right. It’s just a chastity belt updated.

  30. yourbabynanny October 29, 2013 at 12:55 am #

    I can’t believe these shorts exist, but thank you for writing this great essay about how absurd and backward they are.

  31. lexikatscan October 29, 2013 at 1:19 am #

    Cute shorts, but bullets stop rape better.

    • daniheart21 October 29, 2013 at 1:26 am #

      I like the way you think Lexi. 😉

      • lexikatscan October 29, 2013 at 7:28 pm #

        Thanks!
        It also takes too long to reach in your purse for pepper spray so be blatantly obvious and clip it to your belt loop or the outside of your purse.
        🙂

    • ShinyZubat October 29, 2013 at 2:31 am #

      I’m really not the kind of person who is in favor of carrying a gun, but I’ll have to agree with you here. If someone were trying to rape me, I’d rather have a gun than then shorts. : /

      • ShinyZubat October 29, 2013 at 2:32 am #

        Then *these shorts.

      • Adam Nesbitt October 30, 2013 at 3:48 am #

        Only problem with Lexi’s second comment is that if you blatantly tote a gun around you’re more likely to be shot in the back of the head or have it used against you than it to actually protect you.

        But that of course takes us into a concealed vs open carry rant

  32. daniheart21 October 29, 2013 at 1:23 am #

    Apparently it needed to be said yet again because such a campaign for such clothing exists. Sighs… I hadn’t heard of this clothing line, but you are right nothing will prevent a rapist who is hell bent on rape. Today with all the drugging going on it would be simple enough to cut said clothing off of a victim once she were unconscious anyway. Thank you for posting this. Well said.

  33. StacyMichelle October 29, 2013 at 1:26 am #

    Speak!

  34. MsMister October 29, 2013 at 1:26 am #

    Implying only men are the victims of sexual assault and rape. Good going perpetuating inequality.

    • bellejarblog October 29, 2013 at 2:23 am #

      I think you mean that it’s implying that women are the only victims of sexual assault and rape? In which case I agree – yet another area where this company goes so incredibly wrong.

      I only focussed on female victims in this post because that is the market the clothing line is directed at.

  35. rob October 29, 2013 at 4:41 am #

    Sexual assault is not the only form of assault, and to say that offering security options to victims is blaming them somehow is not a logically sound argument. Along your line of logic ANY piece of personal security (taser, pepper spray, rape whistle, carrying a cell phone, not walking into dark corridors alone) could be viewed as “empowering” for the assailants and “blaming” for victims. While I don’t disagree that this product is lame and possibly negative for plenty of ways -the jump to say that this is some sort of a master plan to give more responsibility to rape victims is quite absurd. It seems that the intentions were actually quite the opposite, but that the result was not well-thought out.

  36. The Rider October 29, 2013 at 6:11 am #

    I totally agree with your point of view on this one! And I can think of a good use for that huge scissors on the photo concerning rapists…

  37. Awana October 29, 2013 at 7:35 am #

    Whoo, boy, what can I say that hasn’t all been said? Except maybe we are willing to admit there is a “culture” of rape in this country; because in India, the underwear gives you an electric jolt and sends a message to your parents. Just a product, not a solution.

  38. Rachel October 29, 2013 at 7:41 am #

    Why is this only aimed at girls who go out. What about all the other women it happens to? Bit age ist. This IS sarcasm the way.
    THE ONLY PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR RAPE IS THE RAPIST.

  39. Karen October 29, 2013 at 10:25 am #

    Thank you. This just sums up..everything.

  40. pengantinpelik October 29, 2013 at 10:43 am #

    Reblogged this on pengantin pelik and commented:
    This article (and accompanying comments) gives a good explanation of what ‘blaming the victim’ is and why any society which holds the notion that ‘women should be dressed a certain way because it is for their own protection’ is actually perpetuating rape culture

  41. Jaime October 29, 2013 at 7:49 pm #

    So if rape is a personal responsibility issue for rapists, what is special about the “rape behavior” that separates it from all the other behaviors feminists traditionally decline to cite personal responsibility for? Behaviors such as drug use, theft, education, literacy, poverty, etc etc. If rapist should pull themselves up by their fly zips, than surely everyone else can to regarding their particular social failings.

    • bellejarblog October 30, 2013 at 2:19 am #

      Good lord. Lack of education, illiteracy and poverty aren’t crimes. Drug use is typically associated with addiction. None of those things are violent crimes. I also don’t see anybody being like, “Hmmm theft is great, we should definitely let people steal more things.”

      Rape isn’t a “social failing.”

      • Jaime October 30, 2013 at 4:54 am #

        I asked what makes rape different and you say it’s a crime…no a violent crime. So you’re saying the legal system determines what makes people personally responsible. This means in muslim countries where rape is legal its not a personal responsibility issue? Sounds like you don’t even have a passing familiarity with the basic causes of human behavior.

      • thebestdefenseprogram October 30, 2013 at 11:43 pm #

        Actually, the way I read that, it was about what people are doing/experiencing versus what people are doing to others/forcing others to experience. So, you’re making a False Equivalence argument.

        Also, feminists are not the Borg; you’re attributing a belief (without citation, by the way) to some sort of feminist monolith that does not exist. If some feminists are suggesting there is no element of personal responsibility in the creation or solution to certain social issues, that’s still not the discussion at hand. Derailing 101: Have no point to make in counter-argument? That’s okay, just make one up.

      • Jaime October 31, 2013 at 9:58 pm #

        “doing/experiencing versus what people are doing to others/forcing others to experience.”

        Good to know that nobody is forced to experience poverty, right? Yay for personal responsibility. Also re false equivalence, if you’re going to tread down the long dull road of logical fallacies, you probably should at least bother looking up what they mean. You’re embarrassing yourself.

      • TheBestDefenseProgram October 31, 2013 at 10:35 pm #

        “Good to know that nobody is forced to experience poverty, right? Yay for personal responsibility.”

        Good to know you can engage in quote mining in order to justify your position, despite failing to do so very well. Are people forced to experience poverty? Absolutely. By an individual after a date? No. Are they marketed special underpants that propose to keep them safer? Again, no.

        Your ability to employ logical fallacies is not restricted to false equivalences, apparently; you seem to be versed in the straw man argument, as well.

      • Jaime November 1, 2013 at 12:10 am #

        “Are they marketed special underpants that propose to keep them safer? Again, no.”

        Yes, the plight of being marketed to is awful. I’m sure the poor of the world sympathize with the oppression you face. Your reply might be the most entitled, tone-deaf, statement I’ve ever heard. It’s ok, just tell yourself that your statements aren’t a personal responsibility issue. Problem solved.

      • TheBestDefenseProgram November 2, 2013 at 12:32 am #

        “Yes, the plight of being marketed to is awful.”

        Again, quote-mining. Nobody is complaining about being marketed to, but the nature of what is being marketed to them. The product being marketed in this case is, by its nature, victim-blaming.

        “I’m sure the poor of the world sympathize with the oppression you face.”

        I’m not a member of the oppressed group in this case, Jaime. Nice assumption. What I’m doing is called empathizing, what you’re doing is called an attempt at derailing. It is completely possible for me to be concerned about numerous social issues all at once. Your attempt to say other issues are more important, or even to bring up other issues at all, is classic Derailing 101. You’re an MRA troll (not Argumentum ad Hominem; see my other comment), and your approach is nothing new.

      • Pax Rasmussen November 2, 2013 at 3:02 pm #

        BAM. I love watching morons get thoroughly trounced by an educated opponent. Good show!

      • Jaime November 3, 2013 at 4:31 pm #

        “Nobody is complaining about being marketed to, but the nature of what is being marketed to them. The product being marketed in this case is, by its nature, victim-blaming”

        Seriously, LOL.

        Your kind of ignorance is a special kind. You lack even the most basic understanding of society and human history. There is essentially no human progress that has been made that was not caused or aided by technological innovations.

        If you’ve ever wondered why you have such difficultly communicating with others, it’s because you’re profoundly naive and uneducated. You’d have my pity except you’re so nasty, self righteous and deluded, that all I can do is laugh at you. Communicating with you is like talking to a tantrum throwing child.

  42. Cynthia October 29, 2013 at 11:42 pm #

    Reblogged this on The Cynthia Project.

    • Nurture and Glow October 30, 2013 at 4:48 pm #

      Those panties are just asking for a yeast infection…I mean, they are so absurdly tight – there is no air circulating! The Vag needs to breathe!! So, not only will they not prevent rape – whatsoever – but they are just hazardous in every way for your vaginal health and happiness.

      Regarding rape as a personal versus social responsibility issue, I think it helps to keep in mind that individuals don’t exist and make decisions in a vacuum. Our so called “individual choices” are informed every day through our social and cultural relationships. And this, in turn, helps to explain why it is still so difficult for people to “get” why rape is “not about sex, but power”. What a lot of people identify as normal sex can actually be quite violent, non-consensual, objectifying and dehumanizing for women, or at the very least, just not that focused on women’s pleasure and comfort.

      • Jaime October 30, 2013 at 9:47 pm #

        “individuals don’t exist and make decisions in a vacuum”

        Has anyone, ever, in the history of civilization made this claim?

        “this, in turn, helps to explain why it is still so difficult for people to “get” why rape is “not about sex, but power””

        Has this ‘explanation’ ever conveyed any useful information? Since when is power not a factor in all human interactions? What makes rape different than other human interactions… maybe that sex is involved? These platitudes are as useless as they are cliche.

      • thebestdefenseprogram October 30, 2013 at 11:37 pm #

        Jaime said, “Has this ‘explanation’ ever conveyed any useful information? […] What makes rape different than other human interactions… maybe that sex is involved? These platitudes are as useless as they are cliche.”

        Useful information conveyed: It isn’t the victim’s actions, dress-sense, or perfume which instigates a sexual assault. It’s also not “sex,” but assault of a sexual nature. The idea “sex is involved” often comes from an inability to distinguish between sexual assault (assault of a sexual nature) and “rough sex.” You may want to have that looked at.

      • Jaime October 31, 2013 at 10:01 pm #

        “It isn’t the victim’s actions, dress-sense, or perfume which instigates a sexual assault”

        Are these attributes equivalent to sexual encounters? I could of sworn somebody was complaining about false equivalence in this thread. Must be my imagination.

      • TheBestDefenseProgram October 31, 2013 at 11:23 pm #

        “Are these attributes equivalent to sexual encounters? I could of sworn somebody was complaining about false equivalence in this thread. Must be my imagination.”

        Your ability to make nonsensical statements sound antagonistic is astounding. I’m gonna say you’re an MRA troll.

      • Jaime November 1, 2013 at 12:12 am #

        Ad hominem alert! These fallacies are piling up. Good thing we are keeping track.

      • TheBestDefenseProgram November 2, 2013 at 12:23 am #

        “Ad hominem alert! These fallacies are piling up. Good thing we are keeping track.”

        Actually, if I said, “Jaime is an MRA, therefor we should not listen to his argument” that would be Argumentum ad Hominem. What I did say, however, was your argument is invalid and consistent with the argument of an MRA. That’s logical deduction. Ad Hominem is used to discredit the argument. “You’re an asshole” is also not Ad Hominem unless I then say, “so we should not listen to what you have to say.” Please, if you’re going to attack what I’ve said you should be sure of what it is.

      • Jaime November 3, 2013 at 2:34 am #

        “What I did say, however, was your argument is invalid and consistent with the argument of an MRA”

        Do you not read your own comments? I mean it’s right there, go read it. Here, I’ll argue your way so you understand.

        You speak nonsense and are an ogre. BAM. I bet you are floored by your own techniques.

      • TheBestDefenseProgram November 3, 2013 at 4:34 am #

        Aw, Muffin, you don’t seem to understand what an ad hominem is. That’s adorable.

  43. millr4481 October 30, 2013 at 6:36 pm #

    Reblogged this on a day in the life of a misfit.

  44. cristyparkersmith October 30, 2013 at 8:55 pm #

    Actually….if we changed the way we look at women’s sexuality, and if we altered our opinions of rapists…

    Why is the woman the only one who is violated? Why is she the one who leaves feeling dirty or ashamed? It’s a vagina. It’s for sex. And yes, it is yours but why is it now “dirty” because it was used for its intended purpose? Or rather, why should a woman feel dirty if her sexual parts are used for sexual purposes? What else are they supposed to be used for?

    Selling magazines?

    Why isn’t his penis dirty now? Why just the vagina? I mean….his penis was there when this happened, right?

    I’m just saying….I think we could alleviate a lot of the trauma that comes with rape if we looked at things more rationally. And no, I’m not placing responsibility for the rape on the one who is raped.

    What I am placing on the one who is raped is the responsibility for her own peace of mind. And her own happiness. Because she is the ONLY one who can do anything about that. I’m suggesting that by altering the way a woman sees what happened to her and the person who committed the act she might not be haunted by the event for the rest of her life.

    You didn’t want him to but he stuck his thingie in your hoohaa. Yes, he’s a dick because everyone over the age of three knows it‘s rude for a boy to do that. But you are still the same woman you were before he proved what he was. You gonna let one dumbass ruin your life and take the pleasure out of one of the best parts of being human? Are you really going to hand him that power?
    I would hope not.

    As for feeling shame or like they‘ve been violated, shouldn’t the shame be on the boy who wasn’t strong enough to act like a man? Didn’t he violate his own manhood when he took advantage of a smaller, physically weaker human being? I thought men were supposed to protect women and children. I thought that was what made a man a man. In fact, I know it is. So isn’t he the real victim of his own weakness of character and lack of self-control?

    I mean seriously. Men don’t hurt women. They can, but they don’t. That’s why we call them men.

    Rape is about power. And power isn’t something anyone simply takes from you. You have to give it up. So any man who rapes is giving up his power. He is admitting to the women he hurts and to everyone who knows about it that he is not really a man.

    Feel free to laugh and point at him now.

    All this being said, of course this won’t work because most people enjoy being victims. And because most people, no matter how loud they scream, don’t really want solutions to problems.

    They simply want to scream. And have people feel sorry for them for having been “victimized.”

    If a woman TRULY wants to live without the lingering affects of such a violation, she can do that. Get up, dust yourself off, look down at the loser and ask, “Is that all you got?“ It’ll bother you. It will make you so angry that you want to kill the guy who did it.

    But if you’ll use your head and see things for what they really are, see the person who hurt you for what they really are, you’ll be able to let it go and move on with your life. If that’s what you REALLY want.

    Who knows, if men knew that no matter what they did to us we were NEVER really going to be overpowered, it might take some of the starch out of their angry little wieners.

    As a side note, before anyone who’s been raped takes offense to this, no, I have never been physically assaulted. I was, however, relentlessly stalked for almost twelve years. So I do know a thing or two about feeling like your entire life has been violated. I personally decided it wasn’t going to define me or change the woman I am. And by the way, I was in no way making light of the subject by using the words “thingie” and “hoohaa.” It’s just that sometimes we make things worse simply because we aren’t willing to lighten up and let them go. That and I happen to know one of the biggest fears all men have is being laughed at by women.

    So laugh at him. That’ll let him know just exactly who‘s on top.

  45. thebestdefenseprogram October 30, 2013 at 10:23 pm #

    “The only person who can prevent rape is the rapist.”

    “The only person responsible for rape is the rapist..”

    Yes, the rapist will indeed be the person with the most control over their actions. However, there are lots of ways in which their actions are influenced up to the time of the rape. Stopping a rapist at the time rape is about to happen would be the hardest thing in the world for anyone – including the rapist – to do (he -and sometimes she- is a rapist, after all).

    So, responsibility for stopping rape lies with those most in a position to stop it in advance. That’s still the rapist in so many ways, but it’s also other men. Men who are not rapists. Men who are fathers, teachers, brothers, leaders, mentors, friends, co-workers, and all other sorts of men have a huge influence over the behaviour and attitudes of other men. Men who stand to empower other men in real ways, who are willing to deconstruct rape culture out loud, and who seek to be part of an empowered community bear a great responsibility in stopping rape before it ever enters the minds of would-be offenders. In order to do this, we need to be able to recognize what pre-assault behaviours are – including the objectification and hyper-sexualization of women. We need to understand street harassment and be able to call out our peers when we see them engage in it, as well as understand “jock culture’s” pervasive role in the victimization of women. We need to understand the truth about false rape allegations so we can spend less time doubting a victim and more time supporting her. We need to address inequality and sexism in ways that make actual differences. We need to take responsibility where we haven’t been taking (enough) responsibility before.

    Women do not have a role to play in stopping assaults against women, except as they personally choose to take on a role and in the ways they choose. Men, however, already play a role in shifting responsibility to the victim of an attack, so men must take on the responsibility of easing that burden and addressing ways we can positively impact harmful traditions.

  46. brennalayne October 31, 2013 at 5:03 pm #

    My first reaction was, “Oh, goody, chastity belts! Let’s also bring back the Bubonic Plague and the Crusades, ’cause they were super-fun, too!” But there’s much more to this, and there are some pretty chilling economics at work behind it. Are we going to expect women to buy a product–to pay in order to avoid rape? What about low-income women, who may be much more susceptible to violence because of the areas in which they have to live or the fact that our society pays more attention to people with money? For that matter, why should any woman have to essentially pay an anti-rape-tax by shelling out her own money to purchase products marketed via fear? Why should I have to spend my money on pepper spray, self-defense training, and truly bizarre underpants? Why is the burden of prevention still on victims? To me, this whole thing underscores the hypocrisy of a society which penalizes rape victims multiple times, while lauding a culture that perpetuates rape. I’m seriously wondering if the people behind this product are the same ones who make the “10 Rules for Dating My Daughter” t-shirts.

    • Jaime October 31, 2013 at 10:23 pm #

      This thread has actually been very informative about feminism and rape.

      By explaining that women should not have to burden themselves with self protection from rape, no actions are required. Also, since ‘rape culture’ is to blame and exists in perpetuity, there will always be a reason to be outraged. Hey men of the world, checkmate!

      Show me the data that correlates ‘rape culture’ (super precise!) and incidents of rape independent of similar crimes. You can’t even get a correlation, let alone a causality.

      There are billions of victims in the world that live in abject brutal conditions and only about half of them are women. It’s the people that focus all of their attention only to the segment of a population they connect with that turns my head. It’s so nakedly bigoted I stand in awe.

      • brennalayne November 1, 2013 at 1:05 am #

        Jaime, I agree with you that women are not the only victims in the world, and that most humans face difficulties and dangers that the privileged world can only imagine. But if by “the people that focus all of their attention only to the segment of the population they connect with,” you mean feminists, I respectfully disagree. Feminism, i.e. the position that humans are equally valuable regardless of biological sex, is good for everyone, because we are all human beings. Throughout their history, feminists have been quick to aid other oppressed groups, as when American suffragettes put their cause on hold in order to fight for the rights of African Americans. This post is focused on a specific issue related to women, and it’s appropriate for responses to address that particular focus. If you’ve written elsewhere about the suffering of other segments of the global population, I’d welcome the opportunity to read your ideas, and I agree with you that no one’s suffering is unimportant or unworthy of attention.

        I don’t believe that rape culture exists “in perpetuity.” I believe that human beings are better than this, and that it can stop. I don’t think there’s a decent human being on this planet who wouldn’t trade the feminist “outrage” that detractors like to disparage for a world in which rape, whether perpetrated against males or females, did not exist.

    • Pax Rasmussen November 2, 2013 at 3:08 pm #

      Agree 100% that rape culture doesn’t HAVE to exist. There are already countries in the world where it’s FAR less pronounced than in the U.S. Indeed, even in the U.S. rape culture isn’t as bad as other countries. Clearly there’s a spectrum, and where there’s a spectrum, there’s possibility for change.

  47. Mary November 1, 2013 at 7:01 pm #

    Reblogged this on Cogito Ergo Mum and commented:
    Saw this via mumsnet. You are Spot on. Just when you think the world can’t get any madder, someone reinvents the chastity belt – bonkers .

    • Mary November 1, 2013 at 7:48 pm #

      Just seen That I have reblogged this post on my blog. I don’t know how I did this (pretty new to this). But I think it would have been kind of polite to ask you first. Let me know if you want me to work out how to take it off my site,

      • bellejarblog November 1, 2013 at 8:25 pm #

        Oh, no worries! I don’t mind reblogs at all – I feel flattered! 🙂

      • Mary November 1, 2013 at 8:26 pm #

        Phew!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. High Tech Panties Won’t Stop Rape | Mitherings from Morningside - October 28, 2013

    […] High Tech Panties Won’t Stop Rape. […]

  2. Tuesday Link Encyclopedia and Self-Promotion | Clarissa's Blog - October 29, 2013

    […] A ridiculously offensive campaign for “rape-preventing panties.” […]

  3. High tech anti-rape panties are pissing people off, despite best intentions | PandoDaily - November 1, 2013

    […] Critics have a range of other valid concerns. They pointed out that a rapist could just as easily get frustrated with the clothing and hurt the woman. There’s other ways to sexually assault someone besides just vaginally. Women aren’t the only ones to get raped — men and transgender people do as well, and they’re certainly not represented by this product. […]

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