By Israa Nasir
It was around 10pm on a summer night, a few years ago. I was waiting on Queen West for a friend. We were going to head out to a party like any other twenty-something on a weekend. A man approached me and asked if I worked in the ‘entertainment industry’. When I said no, he told me that I had a “really good look for this stuff”. He introduced himself as a film-producer and continued to tell me that his next project was looking for exotic, middle-eastern-looking women and that the pay would be really good (side note: I’m not middle-eastern). As I began to walk away while refusing his offer, he shoved a card into my hand and told me to think about it. I turned the card in my hands and saw that he was indeed a film-producer; he produced pornography, specializing in ‘oriental and exotic girls’. Feeling confused, my thoughts ran something like this: Am I really ‘exotic’? What does that even mean? I’d never thought of myself that way before so should I accept his comment as a compliment? Wait, or does he mean that I’m different; like a zoo animal, an ostrich amongst the crowds of pale-skinned blondes?
The idea of ‘exotic other-ness’, especially for women, exists in all areas of society where sex and sexuality are concerned. In the world of pornography, it is most visible, most at display, most lucrative. If you walk into any adult entertainment store, videos are often categorized by race and then broken down by category. A quick search online will give you the same results. Women of colour or racialized backgrounds are shown as hyper-sexualized and promiscuous. There is a sense of stereotyped fantasy based on old ideas about what a woman of that ethnicity should be like: a black woman is ghetto and must have a “big booty”, a Latina is feisty, a South Asian must have memorized The Kama Sutra, and an East Asian is submissive yet kinky simultaneously. The plot lines, if present at all, revolve around racist imagery and situations. These fantasy generalizations also show women of colour as lusty and not having control over their desires. These are women who have to be liberated sexually and are willing to do anything. These are women who are different from the status quo, the majority of white women.
Many argue that this is just a venue for people to experience or live out their fantasies. The problem with that idea is that this is not the sexual reality of black, East Asian, South Asian, Latina or other women of colour. People who watch porn regularly argue that they recognize it is not reality, they recognize that real sex with real women is different, and that they can draw the line between sex and porn. As a woman of colour, I disagree with them. These ideas about racialized sexuality and the fantasy find their way into real-life conversations about sexuality and discussions with friends, causal hook-ups and even people you regularly have sex with. These race-specific genres of porn muddle expectations, the ones men hold of potential sexual partners as well as ethnic women themselves. It adds another layer of questioning to already present complexities women experience in asserting their sexualities. Besides thinking about what society will say about our sex lives and how our bodies look from various angles, now women of colour have to think about if they are ‘mysterious and different’ enough, if they are meeting the expectations set by porn. With so much going on, focusing on pleasure and what they want can potentially become secondary.
For the remainder of that night, I couldn’t help but wonder if every guy there saw me as ‘exotic’; that man’s thought had found its way into mine. In the years that followed, I came up against this perception more times than I appreciate. I find this frustrating because it is a fabricated element in my reality; it changes the way people experience me. Simply put, it creates an aura of objectification in every aspect of daily life. However, It’s hard to say which influences the other. Is it the seeping of porn-ideals into mainstream culture, or is it mainstream ideas finding their way into porn? I think they are two sides of the same coin. Mainstream media saturates us with objectified ideals and stereotypes of women of colour; but these ideas are limited to interpersonal, ‘regular’, or daily situations. Characters like Gloria from ‘Modern Family’, or Latika in ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ speak to what life is supposed to look like for women of colour, but doesn’t really explore their sexualities. This gap is filled by the porn-industry, which provides a glimpse into what the sexual lives of these women of colour is supposed to be like. Combined, both these powerful mediums present a completely fantasized version of a woman of colour. The danger lies in the fact that when a fantasy is presented to you, already complete, it is hard to imagine it as existing otherwise.
The Belle Jar 
Why on earth would any woman want to meet the expectations set by what they see in porn? Why would this even be a slight worry to any woman with a shred of self respect?
I agree Wilson. I thought at the outset: A man shows Nasir a card that informs her of his occupation as a pornographer and she is worried about what “oriental and exotic girls” means.
Yeah, why would women care about male expectations when we can so easily live your whole lives without ever having anything to do with porn-addicted males … not.
I would love to live in a lesbian utopia were self-respecting women can live happily ever after, but sadly I live in the real world, where I’m an outcast if I don’t meet the pornified male expectation to shave my legs, and I can feel lucky that I’m not stoned to death for failing to meet male expectations.
Actually you can live your whole life without ever having anything to do with porn addicted males. I would imagine living in a lesbian utopia or lesbian anything would be one way to do that. Also since when is shaving your legs a “purified male expectation”? Methinks thou does protest too much.
Reblogged this on Jessica A Bruno (waybeyondfedup).
I’m curious to know if you feel the same about rape/dominant porn.
Thanks for this post Israa. The same notions of exotic otherness are at play in regards to our Indigenous American sisters and the different types of violence they regularly face.
Reblogged this on In the gaze of the other.
Stereotyping has been on my mind and I have written a lot about it lately. It is something so taken for granted that it is imperceptibly destructive, and not merely in the sexual/fantasy realm. We use shortcuts to safeguard against danger–a type of person recognizably potentially dangerous given the circumstances–as well to amuse ourselves, i.e., jokes. But it is no light matter as stereotypes imprison and destroy vastly, especially now with the internet’s amazing ability to deploy imagery of stereotypical characters, situations and storylines. Someone’s reputation can be shattered by assumptions people make by defamatory words and portrayals framed in stereotypes. You got caught with your hands in the cookie jar, then you are a crook, and if it’s published on the internet, it must be true. And there is nothing you can do about it regardless of whatever else you have done or who you are. You’re caged in someone’s typecast, which will follow you for a long time.
Pornography, as you pointed out, like so many forms of media, works on the level of stereotypes and categories, especially. They frame our fantasies, make and perpetuate them, and fill out imaginations with someone else’s interpretation of desire and sexuality, supplanting our own, if we even had the chance to develop our own without the influence of pornographic imagery. It defines who we are as sexual beings because cultural influences are undetectable and indelibly etched into our minds.
You said that mainstream media and porn present a fantasized version of women of color and that the danger is that a fantasy presented means another one is hard to imagine.
I disagree.
I believe that the mainstream media and porn present fantasies of men. I cannot imagine nor has there been any evidence indicating that there are other fantasies other than those provided, with, I am sure, a few exceptions.
Your preoccupation with a perceived difference of “oriental and exotic girls” versus “pale-skinned blondes” is no more than a proclivity for chocolate or vanilla ice cream, and it isn’t even that. Men just like beauty. The only reason it may appear “oriental and exotic girls” are more sought after is perhaps out of curiosity. The reality of mainstream media and porn is distance and sensory deprivation. It is my theory having grown up in Hawaii that whatever ethnicity is perceived as the dominate represents the most attractive women and that is because power is at stake in mate selection. Just getting one’s rocks off is one thing, but having a relationship is another thing.
I believe you are making way too much up about this exotica classification. An Iranian I know said they have prices for blondes in his country and in the middle east generally implying that blondes are special, hard to come by.
You said that: “Women of color or [those having] radicalized backgrounds are shown as hyper-sexualized and promiscuous.” I am not sure you could say that about particular porn actors. Aren’t they all so depicted? This goes too for your other statements about “Women of color as lusty and not having control over their desires” or “these are women who have to be liberated sexually and are willing to do anything.”
I find the following statement quite telling about what’s wrong with your argument: “Now women of color have to think…if they are meeting the expectations set by porn.” Women of color are worried about whether they are perceived as ‘mysterious and different’, which is affecting their abilities to have pleasure or get what they want.
This does “Create an aura of objectification in every aspect of daily life,” apparently for women of color.
This question too is silly: Are porn-ideals seeping into mainstream culture or vice-versa? They are the same insofar as both are geared toward men. Both are geared to sell things. Women want to appear attractive to men. The focus is on one gender.
It amazes me why women complain so much. Just stop wearing dresses, make-up, and whatever else you do to appear attractive to yourselves or others.
Everything is a fantasy because no one is getting any reality. This stuff has to be made up. There is no color difference.
The danger lies in the fact everyone is fantasizing. Why aren’t they having enough sex so that the reality is not having to fantasize? This, of course, is not taking into account that even if everyone gets enough sex, fantasizing will continue because men are like dogs, there is a chemical component and we all want to sniff the next ass we see. I feel like discussions of this kind are trying to civilize what is wild, and civility is merely another type of peacock feather.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re not a woman, right? If not, your opinion of how women should think is, no matter how passionate you are about it, vacuous blithering.
Dustmite, I am not a woman. My opinion is not on how women should think, but about logic, which as far as I know is gender-free, unless you wish that I exclude women from having to employ logic when they argue.
The author said: “Both these powerful mediums present a completely fantasized version of a woman of colour. The danger lies in the fact that when a fantasy is presented to you, already complete, it is hard to imagine it as existing otherwise.”
What she is saying is: Mainstream media and porn present a fantasized version of women of color and that the danger is that a fantasy presented means another one is hard to imagine.
So, I countered by saying: “I believe that the mainstream media and porn present fantasies of men. I cannot imagine nor has there been any evidence indicating that there are other fantasies other than those provided, with, I am sure, a few exceptions.”
Inherent, in my retort is the implication that I agreed with her that mainstream media and porn present fantasies of men, which by the way has nothing to do with women: These are, apparently fantasies of men. (I am not implying that men have fantasies of men, although some do. That implication is not in the purview of this argument.)
My argument is the media may (changing my point here so as not to completely agree with her since it would be silly to say that mainstream and porn present a fantasized version of women of color in the sense that as far as I can tell the depictions involve real people doing real things. A fantasy is an imagined, extravagant and unrestrained act. It is conjured, fulfilling a psychological need. It is a supposition based on no solid foundation, etc. These definitions are from Dictionary.com. It would be silly of me to adhere to the delusion that what you meant was that what is depicted in the mainstream and in porn were exchanges real people engage in, but this is how real people do engage, at least as you would agree men would like things to turn out, since these are their fantasies. This point does not matter. The author said that the presentation by the mainstream media and porn presented a fantasy that caused other fantasies to be excluded, which as a friend once argued, and I understood what he was saying, is that the media can influence people into believing what is real or at least should be real as the intent of the media is to influence, mostly, into buying products. I also stated that the media and porn have the gamut of men’s fantasies covered, which brings me to a very important point, which is that I’ve even tried to write reality and it is not interesting. You would not want to see a movie based on reality, since for example, it would be based in real time and not much happens in real time. Things have to be edited and tightened and there has to be sex, gun fire, etc., because we watch movies and television shows to live out repressed desires, etc.
Back to my point. I said the media and porn pretty much have exhausted male fantasies because they all pretty much have to do with sex, since sex is perhaps the only need that is withheld (see: Maslow), which explains Freud’s theory of repression or why men are usually horrible with women in porn and even in real life, and you can thank capitalism or human nature, in general, for that.
The only way out of this morass is for women to put out, for men to have enough money to appear attractive, to get their rocks off so they don’t write fantasy or get frustrated, etc., but this is another point. I really just wanted to say that main stream media and porn have male fantasy down pat, but of course I am blathering.
Hi Mario,
You say:
“My opinion is not on how women should think, but about logic, which as far as I know is gender-free, unless you wish that I exclude women from having to employ logic when they argue.”
I say:
“Mansplaining”
See? You don’t really need so many words.
“I believe that the mainstream media and porn present fantasies of men.”
Yes, exactly that is the problem. I don’t want to see men’s shitty, racist, misogynist fantasies anymore!
You wonder why women complain when you openly admit that mainstream media is full of MEN!’s fantasies!
Women are people too, you know? We have thoughts and feelings, too. We would like to have those represented in mainstream media.
@Israa: I feel sorry for you, that must have been a horrible experience. This combination of misogyny and racism is a very ugly thing indeed.
By the way, what does “sex with real women is different” even mean? Are the women in porn not “real”, somehow? Rhetorical question, of course they are real (in most cases, not counting anime), but somehow, the men who watch those movies are all too keen on forgetting that fact.
Good thing Mario is here to tell you how to feel. Heck you don’t need to worry your pretty little head, honey. He has all the answers. wow.
Great post,
What I find, when I read the comments of interesting articles like this, that highlight the negative effects of objectification of women – every time, there are men, who wade in and desperately try to disagree. ‘Oh but we’re just animals’ Yes, we are mammals. But name me another creature that can have a discussion like this on our planet….no?…I thought not. So we’re unique. The perception that ‘men are like dogs’ is exactly the kind of harmful bullshit propaganda we need to get rid of. I think men and women need to be responsible individuals, regardless of their gender identity. ‘oh but women should stop wearing make-up and dresses’ What should women wear then? Should women be ashamed of their bodies? And why would they be? Should men be ashamed of their bodies too, seeing as you are alluding to the fact that they can’t control them? The point that is being made here is not that sexual fantasies are bad regardless, but that the porn industry fuels and reinforces racist stereotypes of women, and it’s harmful. The way we perceive ourselves, and the way society in general perceives us, has a huge effect on our lives. Sexual objectification can’t be removed entirely, it is part of what we are to some extent. I would argue that we all want to be objectified by our sexual partners – but even to them, not all the time. Sadly at the moment sexual objectification permeates our society to saturation point, the media has a lot to answer for. And it’s mostly women who are objectified, because it’s still a patriarchal system. As a man, I doubt you know how it feels to have your appearance constantly commented upon by strange men, when you go outside. Do you know how it feels to be followed home by strange men? (and no, I wasn’t wearing make-up, or a dress, and it was the middle of the day.) And this is why you should really listen to what women are telling you, and learn something, reflect upon it, and learn some more, rather than try and deny without question. Ask yourself why you feel angry and confused when you hear about people talking about the inequalities women face.
Shona,
I agree that there are negative effects of objectification. What are they? A lack of freedom to be, there is someone intruding on your privacy, they see you as a piece of meat, they are looking at you, but up and down, never at or in your eyes, you are measured for how big your butt is, how clean your complexion is, how cute you are, things you can almost see, but can’t often control. Women begin to think of their breast size, if they have fat butts or small ones, how they look. They start to compare themselves.
Then come men, who are so self-centered that they take offense without understanding the actual offensiveness of what is being addressed. They are so desperately defensive, that they can’t admit that they are wrong. They have to keep putting their explanations out there rather than change and take responsibility. They even have the audacity to suggest that women stop wearing make-up and dresses. Should women be ashamed of their bodies? Aren’t men admitting that they can’t control their’s? Sexual fantasies are not bad regardless, but that the porn industry fuels and reinforces racist stereotypes of women and it’s harmful.
The way you perceive yourselves, the way society perceives you, affects your lives. Sexual objectification can’t be removed entirely, you want to be objectified by your sexual partners, but not all the time. The media has a lot to answer for. It is mostly women, who are objectified; it’s a patriarchal system. I don’t know how it feels to have your appearance constantly commented on, followed home by strange men. Rather than deny I should ask myself why I feel angry and confused when I hear about people talking about the inequality women face.
I disagreed with the idea that another fantasy was hard to imagine, but when I reread what Israa Nasir said, she said: “When a fantasy is presented to you, already complete, it is hard to imagine it as existing otherwise.” I thought she was talking about other types of fantasies. What she was saying is that if the media presents a fantasy then the influence is so strong that we think it is reality. I misunderstood her.
Regarding the powerful influence of the media on reality, I never thought about this until a friend of mine mentioned it. At first, I didn’t think it was true and then I thought about it. So, I agree with both of you.
I also agree with both of you about the negative effects of objectification. I think many would agree about this, even men who do it. Here is a good video that depicts what they know to be true even if they can’t articulate it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUJ24mblCLY
Usually, those who know and refrain themselves are not the ones who catcall, etc. We may never be able to break through to them; they don’t read blogs like this. Many men are dogs, trust me I am a man and I am in the presence of them. They can (I can) be a dog and yes you are correct in calling it bullshit, but I am arguing that it is systemic. It is real and it comes from mate selection pressures. Men, who aren’t handsome enough, smart enough, make enough money, etc., objectify women because sex becomes an infrequent event. The pressure is on themselves, imposed upon them by others, who think: “What’s wrong with them?” “Can’t they get a girlfriend?” “Are they gay?”
It’s OK not to want to sleep with men, but who you choose sends a message to those you don’t. What is interesting to most men is that those who appear to be the very men you can’t stand are the one’s you end up sleeping with?
I agree men and women should be responsible. I was half joking when I said women shouldn’t wear make-up and dresses. I couldn’t believe that I said that. I understand that women can wear whatever they want and men should behave. My point was that women pay special attention to how they look even going so far as to don a foundation, shave their legs, etc., whereas most men just jump in the shower and get dressed. I was also referring to the thesis of “Bartleby the Scrivener,” where he simply says: “No” to his boss and shuts down the capitalist machine. Why feminists expose their breasts is counterintuitive. I think many women, whether it is true biologically or not, have succumbed to a “If you can’t beat ‘em then join ‘em mentality.”
I found your perspective fascinating both because you are female and you are a very exotic looking (I confess) female of color. I think part of the stereotyping stems from unfamiliarity in the whitebread male population with intimacy with females of different ethnicities. I had a Filipina girlfriend for a time and I used to find when we were having sex how much I liked to look at her. She was also much less inhibited sexually than white women with whom I had been intimate. But, you know, in the realm of pornography there is also a huge fetish for males with girl-on-girl lesbian sexual encounters. Again, unfamiliarity leadeth to exoticism. As I said, this was good.
And…. I’m out of here not to return. I can’t enjoy a feminist website if the comment section is not run as a safe space. This one CLEARLY isn’t as shown by Mario Savini’s constant mansplaining (“I’m so edgy- I’m a White man doing devil’s advocacy and saying that my inability to understand privilege means I’m all about logic) and then mrwriteon and Wilson’s “thou does protest too much”. It’s a shame when feminists can’t care enough about providing safe spaces.
Dear Leila, I am sad that you are leaving. What is feminism? Comment section not safe? Constant mansplaning? Edgy, like I a can control it? I am a white man doing devil’s advocacy, that is advocating for the devil in men, playing the devil’s advocate and saying that my inability to unerstand privileged means I am about logic. It is a shame when feminists can’t care enough about providing safe spaces.
I am sorry you feel this way. If I knew that I couldn’t write a word, I would find the medium of a blog to be empty, at least one-sided. That’s part of the logic part; you are safe. I learn from you, I am listening. What would you have I do? I am speaking from the heart.
What is feminism? – Advocacy of women’s rights on political, social, and enocomic equality to men.
I wish to assert the equality of both of us, all of us. I am an American. You are my poticial equal; we have one vote, we may be socially equal, althought I don’t know. You probably wouldn’t respect me. I wait tables in a restaurant. I am, in effect, a servant. Economically equaI, I don’t know. I don’t know how much you make, nor do I know how much you make. Does it matter? Let’s just say, we are equals on the page?
I actually love women. I was raised by a single mother and I have a slightly younger sister. That’s it. As an artist, I find female beauty to be profound and I don’t see women as capable of any less than men. I love them because of their emotional register/hightened expressive range, besides they are chemically persuasive. As a hetrosexual male, I cannot help but be interested. I am currently looking for a partner.
Anyway, I hope you do not not leave. I want you to sit back and feel comfortable. I want you to feel like you can say what is close to your heart and we will respect you. I respect your wishes, but I want you to stay.
I’ll just leave this here: http://www.shortpacked.com/2012/comic/book-14/03-totally-babies/equaltime/
The porn industry presents a false picture of what the sexual lives of ALL women should be like. Not just women of colour.
I see porn as a result, a consequence, and while it should not become the sexual lives of women, it presents the present and the future.
I wonder really if this just isn’t an inevitable problem of pornography, or really of seeing sex a particular way. Pornography involves a completely depersonalized sexual interaction with a person who is not even there – how can they be more to you than a collection of body parts? And why would you choose what you are interested on any basis than some kind of aesthetic preference?
The same is often true of sex that is essentially entertainment without any real strings attached, even when there is real understanding that the other person is a person. Because it is essentially a self-directed activity, it is very likely to be reduced to a sort of aesthetic, or perhaps the person having the right kink, as Dan Savage would say.
It’s always hard to keep de-personalized sex from going in that direction, and since porn is the ultimate de-personalized sex, its likely to do so in the most spectacular fashion.
I don’t know that I think this is a great thing for the state of our interpersonal relationships, but I do kind of appreciate the honesty of labeling it as what it is, which is creating sex objects for recreational use, with all the various characteristics right on the front of the packaging.
Dear Meg,
I say orientalism is bigger than pornography because it is the result of an unfamiliarity with Asians, just as an Asian can be unfamiliar with a white person. It is not contingent upon depersonalized sexual interaction. Most people, who Orientalize Asians do so with all parties wearing clothes.
I agree with you about the depersonalization inherent in absentee sexual partners, but I am not sure that you could say that they are merely a collection of body parts. There is an inherent superficiality to male attraction and perhaps this can be applied to women looking at men from across the room, but I can’t speak for women. Men can look at pictures of women and due to experience or simple preference find them attractive or not. Images represent people, just as seeing them in person does. They aren’t necessarily seen as a collection of body parts. It is weird that people have “sexual relationships” with images. Perhaps, it is no less weird that people are affected by art. There is a truth inherent in the affecting work of art that triggers an internal reaction to a series of visual cues. Similarly, viewing a work of art where one experiences catharsis can be parallel with one involving an attractive person. A painting, for example, is not necessarily viewed as a collection of parts. The mind puts them together and assesses meaning.
I am not sure I understand what you meant by the statement: “And why would you choose what you are interested on any basis than some kind of aesthetic preference?”
I would say that we do choose based on aesthetic preference.
I disagree with you about entertaining sex or sex without strings attached that it is espousing the right kink. Yes, the viewer is lost in his mind, but the feelings are true and no less real than an infatuation. Pornography provides fantasy. Pornography is fetishism, where Wilhelm Stekel said: “He is a Don Juan without the nerve to commit sin. The female appears to him devoid of any fascination because the seductive qualities have been violently passed on to a smaller object, the rose. It’s no sin to kiss roses. Nor can the rose put his potency to the test.” (Sexual Aberrations, p. 22, 1952)
Just because it is a self directed activity, doesn’t mean it is reducible to someone having the right kink. I believe we are attracted to types. Some would argue that there is no universal standard since, for example, there is a movement away from deathly thin women in advertising implying that male attraction can be taught.
I think sex is not depersonalized so much as it is a feeling. Warm, amorous feelings toward another individual are internal. Arousal is projecting. Porn fills the void of a non-participatory reality.
Yes, indulgence in porn is not a good sign for the state of interpersonal relationships and we should call fetishism a sexual aberration, but I am worried about the bigger picture. The writer of a recent The New York Times article said, “The gap in marriage rates has been widest when income inequality was highest.” (See: “The Real Reason Richer People Marry,” by Andrew J. Cherlin, Dec. 6, 2014.) This environmental effect is going to further distance the chance for normal sexual relations, as I alluded to with an earlier statement: “I see porn as a result, a consequence, and while it should not become the sexual lives of women, it presents the present and the future.” As men cannot afford women, their relationships with them will become piecemeal. They will choose what they want and dismiss undesirable or unaffordable aspects, and women will do the same.